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| 2020/12/07 05:27:54瀏覽210｜回應0｜推薦3 | |
| 【書摘】女逃亡者—阿爾貝蒂娜的出走 (Albertines departure) 5 Une chose, du reste, acheva de rendre ma douleur au coeur aussi aiguë qu’elle avait été la première minute et qu’il faut bien avouer qu’elle n’était plus. Ce fut de relire une phrase de la lettre d’Albertine. Nous avons beau aimer les êtres, la souffrance de les perdre, quand dans l’isolement nous ne sommes plus qu’en face d’elle, à qui notre esprit donne dans une certaine mesure la forme qu’il veut, cette souffrance est supportable et différente de celle moins humaine, moins nôtre, aussi imprévue et bizarre qu’un accident dans le monde moral et dans la région du coeur, – qui a pour cause moins directement les êtres eux-mêmes que la façon dont nous avons appris que nous ne les verrions plus. Albertine, je pouvais penser à elle en pleurant doucement, en acceptant de ne pas plus la voir ce soir qu’hieri; mais relire « ma décision est irrévocable », c’était autre chose, c’était comme prendre un médicament dangereux, qui m’eût donné une crise cardiaque à laquelle on peut ne pas survivre. Il y a dans les choses, dans les événements, dans les lettres de rupture, un péril particulier qui amplifie et dénature la douleur même que les êtres peuvent nous causer. (l’édition Gallimard, Paris, 1946-47) 此外，有一件事又使我內心的痛苦變得像最初時刻那麼尖銳，應當承認這痛苦本來已經不那麼尖銳了。這件事就是重讀阿爾貝蒂娜寫給我的信裡的一句話。我們儘管熱愛著一些人，一旦我們在孤獨中只能經受失去他們的苦痛而我們的思想又在某種程度上按照自己的願望塑造著這種苦痛時，這種苦痛就變得可以忍受了，而且這種痛苦也不同於另一種更沒有人情味的與我們更格格不入的苦痛——這樣的苦痛與精神世界和內心領域裡的事故一樣出人意料，一樣奇特，——這樣的苦痛其直接原因與其說是被愛的人們本身毋寧說是我們得知再也見不到他們的方式。阿爾貝蒂娜，我可以輕輕哭著想念她，可以答應今晚也像昨天那樣見不到她；然而重讀「我既然決心已定不可更改」，這就是另一回事了，這儼如服了一劑引起心臟病發作而致人於死地的危險藥品。一切事物，一切變故和絕交信都具有一種特殊的危險，這種危險可以放大而且歪曲人們可能給我們造成的苦惱本身。 (p.28~29 追憶似水年華 VI 女逃亡者 聯經版 1992) One thing however succeeded in making my heartache as keen as it had been at the first moment and (I am bound to admit) no longer was. This was when I read over again a passage in Albertine’s letter. It is all very well our loving people, the pain of losing them, when in our isolation we are confronted with it alone, to which our mind gives, to a certain extent, whatever form it chooses, this pain is endurable and different from that other pain less human, less our own, as unforeseen and unusual as an accident in the moral world and in the region of our heart, which is caused not so much by the people themselves as by the manner in which we have learned that we are not to see them again. Albertine, I might think of her with gentle tears, accepting the fact that I should not be able to see her again this evening as I had seen her last night, but when I read over again: “my decision is irrevocable,” that was another matter, it was like taking a dangerous drug which might give me a heart attack which I could not survive. There is in inanimate objects, in events, in farewell letters a special danger which amplifies and even alters the nature of the grief that people are capable of causing us. (Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff) One extra thing finally made the pain I felt in my heart, which, I have to admit, had diminished, as acute as it had been at the start. This was rereading a phrase from Albertines letter. However much we love a person, the suffering caused by losing her, when in our solitude we have nothing else on our mind, which can to a certain extent give the suffering whatever form it wants, is bearable and differs from the less human and personal suffering of those more unpredictable and eccentric accidents of our mental or emotional worlds — which are caused less directly by the person herself than by the manner in which we have learned that we will never see her again. As for Albertine, I could think of her and weep quietly, accepting that I would no more see her this evening than I had yesterday, but to reread my decision is irrevocable was something else, it was like taking some drug so dangerous that it could cause a fatal heart attack. There are in the actions, details and letters of a separation, specific dangers which amplify and distort even the pain that people can cause us. (Translated by Peter Collier) |
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| ( 知識學習｜隨堂筆記 ) |
