定居在新澤西州蘇賽斯郡的維琪貝爾是三個孩子的母親，50歲、剛剛空巢的她，年初給自己許個願，希望在50歲的這一年裡，做50件值得紀念的事，維琪部落格(Vicki's blog)就是其中產物。

隔空認識維琪是上個月的事。當時新州羅格斯大學剛發生一同性戀學生隱私行為被兩同學側錄送上網的霸凌事件，該男生不堪受辱，某日深夜，從喬治華盛頓橋一躍而下，結束20歲的短暫生命。涉嫌霸凌的兩同學在事件爆發後，分別遭到起訴，不僅提前結束大學生活，恐怕一輩子都背負著「我不殺伯仁，伯仁卻因我而死」的沉重包袱。

我心疼早逝的那個男生還有那不小心犯下大錯的兩個年輕孩子，同為母親，我也心繫因意外而跌落萬丈深淵的三個家庭，還有那三個心碎的母親。不久前，我們都才擁抱、揮別親愛的孩子，送他們回校展開新的學期，一心期待著感恩節的相聚。這三個母親，卻不如我幸運，其中一個，甚至和孩子永別。

這起校園悲劇，牽涉霸凌、社交焦慮、網路安全、危機處理與重建、、、等層面，心底惦著想和外地的女兒們分享、討論，卻不知如何啟齒。正好，老姐E來維琪「給女兒的信」，轉給女兒們讀，一個月後再回頭看，點閱已超過50萬，迴響之大，連維琪都沒預料到。

「給女兒的信」也許是媽媽的嘮叨，它的確幫如我這般的平凡母親說出心底深處的掛念、為無數需要指引的迷途年輕人點上及時的一盞燈。

(以下是維琪的部落格聯結、蜂鳥的翻譯文和原文轉貼)

http://vicky-bell.blogspot.com/2010/10/letter-to-my-daughter-in-wake-of.html?spref=fb

星期五，十月一日，2010年

給女兒的信(一場悲劇後的省思)

親愛的女兒，

寫信給你只是想告訴妳媽媽想妳，希望妳新學期課程進展順利、大學生活充滿樂趣!

不過，原諒我，媽媽還是媽媽，借我一段碎碎念的時間，內容不會太長、過去也都多少提過，不過，我保證，這很重要!

妳也許已聽聞，或沒聽過新州一學生上周自殺的新聞，死者的室友將他和戀人發生性關係的影片上傳網路，釀成這可怕的、不可思議的悲劇。

媽咪有責在身，必須提醒女兒妳兩件至關要緊的事:

第一.絕對沒有一件事能永遠破壞你的生活，絕對沒有!

第二.絕對沒有一件事能永遠破壞你的生活，絕對沒有!

倘若那名學生能熬過一、兩個星期，我相信沒人會再關注這新聞，終究事過境遷，他會度過難關。人的記憶短暫，走過低潮的他，日子只會更好，不會再壞;至於他的家人和朋友，在影帶上傳以前，他們愛他，影帶事件後，他們愛他如昔，生活裡或多或少都有一些尷尬、一點難過，記住，它們都會過去，日昇日落，時間不會停駐。

當然，年輕如妳也許無法領會我所說的「尷尬難過都會過去」，對此，你只有相信「老人言」，妳記得嗎?當你很小很小的時候，會為了某事嚎哭不停，這令妳難過飆淚的事還存在嗎?正是如此，不幸的事總會發生，它會讓你一時氣結、如心腹大患，隨著時間推進，曾經的「不幸」會變好、會過去，相信我，它，總會雲淡風輕!

至於那兩個揭人隱私的學生，一男生一女生，被以偏見、違犯隱私及其他罪名被起訴，他們的大學生活已然畫下句點，他們的一生和這男生的死亡已分不開，兩學生的家人一定也感到絕望。他們所做的，幼稚愚蠢、錯誤至極，更別提殘酷，因此，他們的人生必然因此錯誤而大轉彎。我相信，無論如何，他們的家人還是繼續愛他們，他們還有很長的一段人生路，我希望，他們終究能咀嚼、學習這錯誤所帶給他們的人生意義。

所以呀!我漂亮的女兒，天底下沒有一件事是不可修復，沒有任何事會阻撓我們對妳的愛，更沒有一件事糟糕到永遠和妳長相左右。

如果有人對妳惡意騷擾，妳又無法忽視它的存在時，記住，找可信靠的人說出來，讓妳自己被支持妳的朋友環繞；如果不知道如何求救，試著寫信，即使是現在妳不需要，先預想在關鍵時刻妳會找誰訴苦?

未雨綢繆總是好的，因為人在面臨巨變危機之時，往往亂了方寸、不知所措。媽咪提醒妳:解套不是只有一個，口袋裡有第二方案總是好的。

最後，勿以惡待人，也別讓惡人作威，處於劣勢者，別忘了拉他們一把，保護那些不如妳聰明、自信和人緣的人;人的感情是很脆弱，別忘了溫柔待人、莫傷他人感情。

媽咪愛妳，我知道妳不需要這一篇嘮叨，但，這是我當媽咪的職責。

給妳愛和擁抱!

~媽咪

Friday, October 1, 2010

Letter to my daughter ( in the wake of senseless tragedy)

Hello my girl,
I  wanted to say hi and tell you how much I miss you and that I hope your classes are going well and that you are having fun too.
But I also have to have a mommy moment-  bear with me here.  I won't take long, and I won't be saying anything I haven't already said in one form or another,  but it is important.

You may or may not have heard about the NJ college student who killed himself last week because his room-mate had posted videotape of him having sex with another guy.  A terrible, senseless tragedy.

My mommy job requires that I remind you of two essential things:
One:
Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING.

Two:
Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING.

If that young man had only waited a couple of weeks nobody would have cared- he'd have gotten past it.  People have short memories- life would have gotten better, much better.  His parents and friends? They loved him prior to the tape- they would have loved him afterward too.  A few awkward moments and then life goes on. 

But when you are young you don't know that even the awkward moments are fleeting.  On this,  you just have to trust the old people.  Remember when you were really small and cried and cried over something?  Well,  it didn't last.  That's kind of what it's like- awful things happen, you feel like there's a rock in the pit of your stomach, somehow time goes by and it gets better.  I promise you, it ALWAYS gets better.

The students, a girl and boy, who were involved in the taping and posting-- they are being charged with bias crime, invasion of privacy and possibly other things.  Their college life is over.  They will have to live with this death the rest of their lives-- and their families are devastated.  What they did was so wrong- but also so kid-stupid.  Not to mention mean. And so their lives will be different forever- but even so- their families will love them and they will have time enough to hopefully live in such a way as to make meaning from their mistake.

So, my beautiful girl,  never, ever think something is unfixable.  NOTHING you do will ever keep us from loving you.  NOTHING you do could be so awful you can't get past it. 

And if someone is mean to you, and it isn't something you can ignore-- seek out people to talk to about it.  Surround yourself with people who are supportive.  If you ever need help and don't know how to ask- try writing a letter instead.  And right now- before you might need such help- think about who you would talk to if needed.  In the midst of turmoil sometimes we don't always think as clearly- having a plan makes it easier to find help in crisis.  And remember there are always alternatives. Always.

Finally, don't be mean.  Don't let other people be mean. 
Stand up for the underdog, protect those who aren't as smart or confident or easygoing as yourself. 
Treat people's feelings like fragile little puppies- if you play with them- be gentle.

I love you so much and I know you really don't need me to tell you this stuff.... but it's my job.
Love and hugs,
Mommy