試譯杜甫 "月夜憶舍弟" - kkuo0810的部落格

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試譯杜甫 "月夜憶舍弟"

2020/04/03 13:23:29瀏覽478｜回應5｜推薦6

戍鼓斷人行，

Drums from beacon tower deter people from moving;

邊秋一雁聲。

audible only at frontier in this autumn is a lone geese crying.

露從今夜白，

From tonight chilly dews will become heavy and white,

月是故鄉明。

but not as white as the moonbeams in my hometown lit.

有弟皆分散，

My brothers have all scattered and lost in nowhere,

無家問死生。

and they are still live or dead that I am not aware.

寄書長不達，

My letters are absolutely unable to reach their hand,

况乃未休兵。

let alone that the calamities have yet come to an end.

( 創作｜散文 )

引用網址：https://classic-blog.udn.com/article/trackback.jsp?uid=kkuo0810&aid=132243902


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	reaizuguo*😻美國的真實等級：8 留言｜加入好友

How can I convince you? 😄

2020/04/05 14:29

Either http://www.iciba.com/have%20yet%20come%20to%20an%20end
or https://www.google.com/search?q=google+translate&cad=h
can check the validity of both expressions.

Both are grammatically correct and mean the same.

Retiredbum(kkuo0810) 於 2020-04-05 16:17 回覆：
I am convinced. "Yet" used as an adverb denotes a situation will happen someday, but not now. So it might tell the wish of Mr Tu when he wrote the verse.


	reaizuguo*😻美國的真實等級：8 留言｜加入好友

Sorry that you quoted me WRONG.

2020/04/04 23:11

Please read carefully my last reply again: 'I like your positive expression "have yet come to an end" much much .....' (There is only one "to" here. But there were two "to" in your original verse.)

I am not afraid to repeat it that the above positive expression is much more elegant and terse as well which one strives for in poems.

Further, to express negativity with positivity is always a triumph.

Retiredbum(kkuo0810) 於 2020-04-05 13:29 回覆：
I agree with you on "to express negativity with positivity is always a triumph." However, so far as I can understand that there almost always have a "to" after "yet" to induce a verb. So I change back to my original expression with one more "to" added on. Thanks!

Retiredbum(kkuo0810) 於 2020-04-05 13:29 回覆：
I agree with you on "to express negativity with positivity is always a triumph." However, so far as I can understand that there almost always have a "to" after "yet" to induce a verb. So I change back to my original expression with one more "to" added on. Thanks!


	reaizuguo*😻美國的真實等級：8 留言｜加入好友

My Perception

2020/04/04 05:18

I like your positive expression "have yet come to an end" much much better，especially in a poem.

However, please note that there shouldn't be a "to" between "yet" and "come" as you put down. 筆誤 or 鍵盤誤？ 😄😄

Retiredbum(kkuo0810) 於 2020-04-04 11:50 回覆：

Yes, you are right. Not until Mr 好希望 commented on my translation, did I realize there had had a “to” missing in the sentence. It should have been like this: “have yet to come to an end”, just as you indicated. But I consider if in that way, there must have two “to” , will it seem a little redundant? So I opted for using negative expression, and my daughter , who majored English in undergraduate, agreed with me, too.
Further discussion is quite welcome!


	深河等級：8 留言｜加入好友

2020/04/03 15:40

露從今夜白，

From tonight chilly dews will become heavy and white,

月是故鄉明。

but not as white as the moonbeams in my hometown lit.

I like these two lines. Your translation creates a new sense from the comparison!

Retiredbum(kkuo0810) 於 2020-04-03 16:57 回覆：
Subject two lines are the quintessence of the poem. I just did my best to make them readable. Thanks!


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2020/04/03 15:35

A beautiful translation! Near rhymes here and there!
"Of they are still live or dead I am not aware."
Perhaps, "They are still live or dead I am not aware."
And the last line, "have not yet come to an end"?

Retiredbum(kkuo0810) 於 2020-04-03 16:41 回覆：

Thanks for the comments!
I put "of" at the begining of the line because I tried to comply with the idiomatic usage "aware of". Now I have revised it a bit; well, maybe it is my "poetic licence".
For the last line, you are right. What I was trying to write is a positive expression "have yet to come to an end", but there is a "to" missing. Now I think the negative expression as you suggested would be better.

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