【書摘】女逃亡者—阿爾貝蒂娜之死 (Albertine’s death) 15 - Notes of a Proustian

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【書摘】女逃亡者—阿爾貝蒂娜之死 (Albertine’s death) 15

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【書摘】女逃亡者—阿爾貝蒂娜之死 (Albertine’s death) 15
Mes doutes,! Hélas, j’avais cru qu’il me serait indifférent, même agréable de ne plus voir Albertine, jusqu’à ce que son départ m’eût révélé mon erreur. De même sa mort m’avait appris combien je me trompais en croyant souhaiter quelquefois sa mort et supposer qu’elle serait ma délivrance.
...hélas, d’Albertine elle-même, une sorte de précipité comme on dit en chimie, où tout était indivisible et dont le texte de la lettre d’Aimé, que je sépare d’une façon toute conventionnelle, ne peut donner aucunement l’idée, puisque chacun des mots qui la composent était aussitôt transformé, coloré à jamais par la souffrance qu’il venait d’exciter.
(l’édition Gallimard, Paris, 1946-47)

我的懷疑！唉，我原以為看不見阿爾貝蒂娜於我是一件無所謂乃至愜意的事，直到她出走時我才發現自己的錯誤。直到她去世時我才明白我以為自己有時盼望她死而且設想她的死會使我得到解脫那是怎樣的錯覺。
...唉！阿爾貝蒂娜本人的形象，形成了一種化學裡叫作沉澱的現象，其中一切都是不可分的，我用純屬習慣的方式從其中分離出來的埃梅的信卻又不能使我得到任何概念，因為信中的每一個字一出現便立即被它引起的苦痛改變了，永遠染上了信件引起的苦痛的色彩。
(p.101~102 追憶似水年華 VI 女逃亡者聯經版 1992)

My doubts! Alas, I had supposed that it would be immaterial to me, even pleasant, not to see Albertine again, until her departure revealed to me my error. Similarly her death had shewn me how greatly I had been mistaken when I believed that I hoped at times for her death and supposed that it would be my deliverance.
…alas! of Albertine herself, a sort of precipitate, as chemists say, in which the whole was invisible and of which the text of Aimé‘s letter, which I isolate in a purely conventional fashion, can give no idea whatsoever, since each of the words that compose it was immediately transformed, coloured for ever by the suffering that it had aroused.
(Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff)

My doubts! Alas, I had thought that I would be indifferent, even pleased, at the prospect of never seeing Albertine again, until her departure revealed my mistake. Similarly, her death had taught me how mistaken I was occasionally to believe that I would welcome her death and to suppose that it would liberate me.
...alas, formed with these images, with the image of Albertine herself, into a sort Of precipitate, as One says in chemistry, where everything was indivisible and of which the text of Aimés letter, which I have laid out in a purely conventional fashion, can give no idea, since each of the words that composed it was immediately transformed and coloured for ever by the suffering that it had just induced.
(Translated by Peter Collier)

( 知識學習｜隨堂筆記 )