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| 2017/08/28 05:11:52瀏覽587｜回應0｜推薦13 | |
| 【書摘】索多姆和戈摩爾—對外祖母的想念 (Missing Grandmother) 5-1 Au lieu des plaisirs que j’avais eus depuis quelque temps, le seul qu’il m’eût été possible de goûter en ce moment c’eût été, retouchant le passé, de diminuer les douleurs que ma grand’mère avait autrefois ressenties. Or, je ne me la rappelais pas seulement dans cette robe de chambre, vêtement approprié, au point d’en devenir presque symbolique, aux fatigues, malsaines sans doute, mais douces aussi, qu’elle prenait pour moi ; peu à peu voici que je me souvenais de toutes les occasions que j’avais saisies, en lui laissant voir, en lui exagérant au besoin mes souffrances, de lui faire une peine que je m’imaginais ensuite effacée par mes baisers, comme si ma tendresse eût été aussi capable que mon bonheur de faire le sien... (l’édition Gallimard, Paris, 1946-47 ) 近來我享受過的歡樂煙消雲散，此時此刻我唯一可以品嘗的歡悅，似乎就是粉飾過去，減少我外祖母昔日經受的痛苦。然而，我回想起她，這不僅僅在於她穿著晨衣，這一特定的服裝，幾乎成了一種象徵，象徵著疲憊，無疑是身體不健康的疲憊，但她在我眼裡卻是和藹可親的疲憊；漸漸地，我回想起我抓住的一切機會，讓她目睹我的苦痛，需要時不惜向她誇大事實，造成她內心的難過，想像著再用我的親吻將它抹去，彷彿我的撒嬌可以帶來她的慈愛，我的幸福也可以引起她的歡樂… (p.171 追憶似水年華 IV 索多姆和戈摩爾 聯經版1992) Instead of the pleasures that I had been experiencing of late, the only pleasure that it would have been possible for me to enjoy at that moment would have been, by modifying the past, to diminish the sorrows and sufferings of my grandmother’s life. Now, I did not recall her only in that dressing-gown, a garment so appropriate as to have become almost their symbol to the labours, foolish no doubt but so lovable also, that she performed for me, gradually I began to remember all the opportunities that I had seized, by letting her perceive, by exaggerating if necessary my sufferings, to cause her a grief which I imagined as being obliterated immediately by my kisses, as though my affection had been as capable as my happiness of creating hers… (Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff ) Instead of the pleasures I had been enjoying for some time past, the only pleasure it would have been possible for me to enjoy at this moment would have been, by retouching the past, to lessen the sorrows my grandmother had once experienced. I did not remember her only in that dressing gown, a garment appropriate, to the extent of becoming almost symbolic of them, to the pains, unhealthy no doubt yet comforting also, she took on my behalf; little by little, I now remembered all the opportunities I had seized, by letting her see my sufferings, by, if need be, exaggerating them, of causing her a grief that I then imagined being expunged by my kisses, as if my affection were as capable as was my happiness of making hers... (Translated by John Sturrock) |
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| ( 知識學習｜隨堂筆記 ) |
