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| 2017/08/31 05:51:22瀏覽554｜回應0｜推薦14 | |
| 【書摘】索多姆和戈摩爾—對外祖母的想念 (Missing Grandmother) 6 Mais jamais je ne pourrais plus effacer cette contraction de sa figure, et cette souffrance de son coeur, ou plutôt du mien ; car comme les morts n’existent plus qu’en nous, c’est nous-mêmes que nous frappons sans relâche quand nous nous obstinons à nous souvenir des coups que nous leur avons assénés. Ces douleurs, si cruelles qu’elles fussent, je m’y attachais de toutes mes forces, car je sentais bien qu’elles étaient l’effet du souvenir de ma grand’mère, la preuve que ce souvenir que j’avais était bien présent en moi. Je sentais que je ne me la rappelais vraiment que par la douleur, et j’aurais voulu que s’enfonçassent plus solidement encore en moi ces clous qui y rivaient sa mémoire. (l’édition Gallimard, Paris, 1946-47 ) 但是，我再也不可能抹去她臉上的那陣抽搐，再也無法忘卻她內心，毋寧說我內心的痛苦；因為死者只存在於我們心中，當我們固執地一味回憶我們曾給予他們的種種打擊時，我們不停鞭撻的正是我們自己。這痛苦，雖然撕心裂肺，我卻緊緊抓住不放，因為我深切地感到它是我對外祖母懷念的作用所致，是這一懷念之情真正存在於我心頭的具體證據。我感到真的只有通過痛苦才回想起她來，我多麼希望那維繫著對她懷念之情的釘子在我心間扎得更深，更牢。 (p.172 追憶似水年華 IV 索多姆和戈摩爾 聯經版1992) But never should I be able to wipe out of my memory that contraction of her face, that anguish of her heart, or rather of my own: for as the dead exist only in us, it is ourselves that we strike without ceasing when we persist in recalling the blows that we have dealt them. To these griefs, cruel as they were. I clung with all my might and main, for I realised that they were the effect of my memory of my grandmother, the proof that this memory which I had of her was really present within me. I felt that I did not really recall her save by grief and should have liked to feel driven yet deeper into me these nails which fastened the memory of her to my consciousness. (Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff ) But never again would I be able to erase that contraction from her face, or that suffering from her heart, or, rather, from my own; for, since the dead exist only in us, it is ourselves that we strike unrelentingly when we persist in remembering the blows we have dealt them. I clung to these sorrows, however cruel they might be, with all my strength, for I felt that they were the effect of my memory of my grandmother, the proof that this memory which I had was indeed present in me. I felt that I truly remembered her only through sorrow, and would have wished the nails to be driven yet more firmly home that had riveted her memory inside me. (Translated by John Sturrock) |
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| ( 知識學習｜隨堂筆記 ) |
