幾年前開始使用一個新的伊妹兒地址，但家人和老朋友及一堆廣告還是不斷用我的舊地址，以至最近大爆滿，谷歌通知15GB中，我已經用了19.28GB， 鼓勵我購買存量。

今天閑來無事，到舊地址去刪除一些舊的檔案。無意中發現這封女兒在2017年給我們的信。當時她還在和瑞智交往，有一天兩人長聊時談到彼此在原生家庭的成長過程，讓她有感而發説了許多，瑞智說她應該把她對昔日父母教育方式的心得和感激之情讓我們知道。所以她就提筆寫了這封信。

七年後的今天，再度讀這封信，心情有些不同，眼前浮現的不只是當年的我們，更多的是今日的他們！每次看到女兒女婿及兒子媳婦為兒女們天天忙進忙出，車子載來載去，這個活動那個活動，放假安排出外旅行，上飛機大包小包也不厭其煩，就常讓我想起孩子們小時候的情景，也常驚嘆自己當年怎麽會有這麽多精力?！

其實，天下的父母都是一樣的，為兒女竭盡心力，無怨無悔！

有小孩的人是幸福的，尤其當孩子們成家后，在他們身上看到代代傳承，心中倍感安慰，也算不虛此生！

我把女兒的信拷貝如下並翻成中文作紀念，留在優迪園，就不怕伊妹兒被刪除了。

親愛的爸爸媽媽，

幾週前，瑞智和我談論到如何養育子女，並聊到自己的成長過程。因為我倆來自頗不同的原生家庭，我忍不住說了許多，説你們是怎樣把我們撫養地那麽好的點點滴滴往事。我描述媽媽如何充滿創意地製造 “功課列單”和“蘋果圖表”。每當我們努力完成我們該做的列單和得到足夠的蘋果，她就會給我們一個披薩派對。我記得我最喜歡披薩派對的一點是媽媽會帶我們去租一部電影，然後全家坐在一起欣賞。記得你們兩個都會坐在那裏，陪我們從頭到尾看完那些我們選的無聊小孩電影。

當我們談到學校功課時，瑞智告訴我，一想到父母向一個不擅長數學和科學的孩子施加壓力，他就感到很不舒服，因為他記得以前功課不懂時，爸爸就會對他生氣，讓他覺得自己不夠聰明。我説雖然我們成績不好時也會挨駡，但每次我們數學和科學作業有問題去問爸爸，他總是不厭其煩地解釋那些數學和科學觀念給我們聼。若我們還是不了解，他就會換一種方式來解釋，在我記憶中，他從來沒有對我們的不理解不耐煩。説到這裏，我忽然意識到我們是多麼幸運。而且，爸爸常與我們分享他對科學的熱情，且常引以爲豪書架上他發明的專利塑膠顆粒及他收集的貝殼。

當開始談論希望我們的孩子未來參與哪些其他活動時，我列出了您為我們報名參加的所有活動。起初，這似乎是典型的華人育兒方式：學習兩種樂器和週末去SAT班及中文學校。但當我回想起我們的童年時，我意識到除了需要學小提琴和鋼琴，你還讓我們上許多我們可能喜歡的課，像體操課、滑冰、書法和弟弟們的足球和棒球等。至今我依然很懷念小學時參加的周末密集課程，在那裡學的中世紀生活是我記憶中很美好的一頁（還有一些我感到無聊的數學課）。

記得小時候，有一天，你帶回家一個藝術中心的課程目錄，叫我挑我想學的項目，我選擇了陶藝課。當我跟瑞智談到這個時，我忍不住哭了起來，想到儘管我對陶瓷一竅不通，儘管我還是個屁小孩，儘管學陶瓷對我的 “大學申請” 毫無助益，而且學費不便宜，但你仍幫我報名參加，並且在工作一整天后，還開車載我去藝術中心學，讓我可以玩粘土，還製作了任何人見過的最醜的壁掛花盆。

記得高中時，我想去芝加哥藝術學院上人物素描課，因爲藝術學院在市中心，你們倆每隔一個週日就得輪流帶我到開車一小時的市中心，有時忙不過來，中間你們還得來回跑，先帶我去，再回家，等上完課，再來接我。雖然我知道偶爾你們可以在市中心順便做點別的事，但多數時候，是專程在那裏等我上課。來回開車2 小時帶您的孩子去上藝術課是多麽不容易，但你們毫無怨言。

想到這些，我意識到我們的童年不是只有上 ”被迫“ 的活動，如小提琴、鋼琴和中文學校（我至今仍感激曾上中文學校），而是你們確實給我們機會去探索我們喜歡做的事情，並且從沒阻止我們喜歡這些東西。儘管有些是我們滑稽的夢想-譬如我想成為一名藝術家，弟弟想成為一名 NBA 球員，但你們仍為我們報名課程，付錢，並花時間開車送我們往返這些活動.

聊完這些，瑞智看到我這麽感動，就説我應該告訴你們我的感受，讓你們知道當年這些培養對我意義非凡。 我相信還有許多我漏掉的，以後想到，再告訴你們。

但現在，我只想告訴你們，我是多麼感激你們在我們成長的過程中為我們所做的一切！無論我們的夢想是什麽，你們總是鼓勵我們，并且在經濟和交通上無怨地付出，使我們能夠培養我們的興趣和發展我們的技能，我想告訴你們，我是多麼感激這一切！

愛你們的女兒上

2017 年 12 月 18 日，星期一，晚上11：43

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Dear Mom and Dad,

A few weeks ago Rex and I were talking about parenting and growing up, since we came from two very different backgrounds. And I couldnt help but talk at length about how well I think you both raised us kids. I described how creative you were in making up "Lists" and "Apples" and giving us pizza parties whenever we worked hard to complete all the things we were supposed to. I remember what I loved most about those pizza parties was that mom would take us to rent a movie and we would all sit together and watch it as a family, and usually you both made the effort to be there and watch the dumb kids movie we picked out.

When we got to talking about schoolwork, Rex told me how nervous it made him to think of parents pressuring a kid who wasnt good at math and science, because he remembers his dad getting angry at him and making him think he wasnt smart enough when he wouldnt understand something. Though we certainly got yelled at for bad grades, when it came to help with understanding concepts, I realized how lucky we were that Dad would help us with our math and science homework, and how I never had a memory of him losing his patience with us if we didnt understand, he would just try to explain it in other ways. Whats more, he shared with us his enthusiasm for science, and showed off the pellets of plastic he had on his bookshelves or the shells that he was collecting.

When we started talking about what other activities we wanted our kids to be involved in, I listed off all the things you signed us up for. At first, it seemed like typical Chinese parenting, where we learned two instruments and go to SAT class and Chinese school on the weekends. But as I thought back to our childhoods, I realized that though violin and piano were required, you gave us the opportunity to pursue other activities we might be interested in as well. How else could I have memories of going to gymnastics class, ice skating, calligraphy, and attending Art and Scotts soccer and baseball practices. I have fond memories of attending enrichment classes in elementary school on the weekends where I learned about the Medieval Times (and also some lame math classes that I was bored in).

I started remembering when I was just a child, you brought home an art center catalog and let me pick something from there. I chose ceramics class. As I was describing this to Rex, I actually started crying thinking how, even though I was terrible at ceramics, and even though I was still a kid, and it wouldnt do very much for my "college application", and Im sure it wasnt cheap, nonetheless you signed me up and, after a long day of working, would drive me to this art center so I could play with clay and make the ugliest flower pot wall-hanging anyone has ever seen.

I remembered how in high school, I wanted to take a figure drawing class at the Art Institute of Chicago and you both would take turns driving the one hour all the way to downtown Chicago every other Saturday (or Sunday?), sometimes even going home in between...though I know sometimes youd be able to visit other places while downtown, most times, you could have been doing other things rather than driving 2 hours to take your kid to art class. But you did it without complaint.

Remembering these, I realized that our childhood was not just "forced" activities like violin, piano, and chinese school (which I also appreciate), but that you both really gave us the opportunity to explore what we liked to do, and didnt try to stop us from learning more about them. You signed us up for classes, paid the money, and took the time to drive us to and from all these activities, to fulfill these zany dreams we had, whether it was to be an artist or to be an NBA player.

After our conversation, seeing how touched I was thinking about all that you did for us, Rex told me that I should tell you two about how much that meant to me. Im sure there will be many other things that will come back to me from our youth, and when they do, Ill be sure to let you know.

But for now, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate what you did for us as we were growing up, and how grateful I am that you always encouraged and both financially and transportation-ly enabled us to nurture our interests and grow our skills, regardless of what we wanted them to be.

Love,

SR

Mon, Dec 18,2017 at 11:43PM