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| 2014/06/25 21:38:58瀏覽260｜回應0｜推薦5 | |
| 【書摘】在斯萬家那邊—希爾貝特 (Gilberte) 4 Tout le temps que j’étais loin de Gilberte, j’avais besoin de la voir, parce que cherchant sans cesse à me représenter son image, je finissais par ne plus y réussir, et par ne plus savoir exactement à quoi correspondait mon amour. Puis, elle ne m’avait encore jamais dit qu’elle m’aimait. Bien au contraire, elle avait souvent prétendu qu’elle avait des amis qu’elle me préférait, que j’étais un bon camarade avec qui elle jouait volontiers quoique trop distrait, pas assez au jeu ; enfin elle m’avait donné souvent des marques apparentes de froideur qui auraient pu ébranler ma croyance que j’étais pour elle un être différent des autres, si cette croyance avait pris sa source dans un amour que Gilberte aurait eu pour moi, et non pas, comme cela était, dans l’amour que j’avais pour elle, ce qui la rendait autrement résistante, puisque cela la faisait dépendre de la manière même dont j’étais obligé, par une nécessité intérieure, de penser à Gilberte. (Éditions Gallimard, 1987) 遠離希爾貝特的時候，我需要能看見她，因為老是在腦子裡想像她那副形象，想著想著就想不出來了，結果也就不能精確地知道我所愛的對象到底是什麼樣子。再說，她也從來沒有對我說過她愛我。恰恰相反，她倒時常說她更喜歡某些男孩，說我是個好夥伴，樂於跟我一起玩，但我太不專心，不把心思都放在遊戲上；而且她還時常對我作出明顯的冷淡的表示，動搖我的信念，使我難以相信我在她心中的地位跟別人有所不同，如果我這份信念出於希爾貝特對我的愛，而不是像事實那樣出於我對她的愛的話，那麼這個信念就會是十分堅強，因為它是隨我出於內心的要求而不得不思念希爾貝特時的方式而異的。 (p.432~433 追憶似水年華 I 在斯萬家那邊 聯經版 1992) 只要是沒跟吉爾貝特在一起，我就感到需要看到她，因為我老是不停地想要讓她的形象浮現在我眼前，弄到後來乾脆就不知道我這愛情的對象到底是怎麼個模樣了。何況，她還從來沒對我說過她愛我呢。她反而時常說什麼有好些男孩都是她的朋友，他們跟我比起來，她還是更喜歡他們，說什麼我是個好伙伴，她挺願意和我一起玩兒，可是我太心不在焉，玩起來不在行；她還時常很明顯地對我流露出冷淡的神色，我原先以為我對她來說是跟旁人不一樣的，這個信念當初要是來自吉爾貝特對我的愛，而不是像實際上那樣來自我對她的愛，那它早就該動搖了，但現在既然這種信念來自我對她的愛，從而僅僅取決於我想念吉爾貝特的方式，而這種想念在我有時是一種發自內心的需要，因此這一信念也就變得很牢固了。 (p.444 追尋逝去的時光 I 去斯萬家那邊 上海譯文版 周克希譯 2004) All the time that I was away from Gilberte, I wanted to see her, because, having incessantly sought to form a mental picture of her, I was unable, in the end, to do so, and did not know exactly to what my love corresponded. Besides, she had never yet told me that she loved me. Far from it, she had often boasted that she knew other little boys whom she preferred to myself, that I was a good companion, with whom she was always willing to play, although I was too absent-minded, not attentive enough to the game. Moreover, she had often shewn signs of apparent coldness towards me, which might have shaken my faith that I was for her a creature different from the rest, had that faith been founded upon a love that Gilberte had felt for me, and not, as was the case, upon the love that I felt for her, which strengthened its resistance to the assaults of doubt by making it depend entirely upon the manner in which I was obliged, by an internal compulsion, to think of Gilberte. (Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff ) All the time I was away from Gilberte, I needed to see her because, constantly trying o form a picture of her for myself, in the end I could not do it, and no longer knew precisely to what my love corresponded. And then she had never yet told me she loved me. Quite the contrary, she had often claimed there were boys she liked better than me, that I was a good enough friend she was always willing to play with, though too distracted, not involved enough in the game; finally, she bad often given me apparent signs of coldness that might have shaken my belief that for her I was someone different from the others, if the source of that belief had been the love Gilberte might feel for me, and not, as was the case, the love I felt for her, which rendered it far more resistant, since this made it depend entirely on the manner in which I was obliged, by an inner necessity, to think of Gilberte. (Translated by Lydia Davis) |
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