幾個星期前，瑞智和我聊到將來怎麽當父母的種種。基於來自不同的背景，我們也聊到了彼此的成長過程。

在談的時候，我忍不住越說越多，講到你們多麽會教養我們。我提到你總是充滿創意的每天出 “ 作業清單 ” 和 “畫蘋果“，每次我們把你給的 “作業清單“ 做完，你就會貼一個 “蘋果”，等纍計到一定數目的 “蘋果“，就會有 “披薩派對”。我記得我最喜歡披薩派對的就是你總會帶我們去租電影，然後全家一起一邊吃披薩，一邊看電影，你們兩個不但出席，而且都會和我們一起看完那些小孩子氣的電影。

當我們談到功課時，瑞智說他每次想到父母怎樣逼那些數學和理科不好的小孩時就很緊張，因爲會讓他想到以前功課有些地方不懂時，爸爸會生氣和數落他，讓他覺得自己不夠聰明。雖然你們也曾因成績不佳而責備我們，但我覺得自己很幸運，因爲記得每次數學或理科不懂，爹地總是不厭其煩的幫助我理解觀念，如果我還 不懂，他就會用別的方式解釋給我聽。記憶中，他很少因爲我不懂而失去耐心。記得他還常展示書架上收集的塑膠粒和大貝殼，跟我們分享他對科學的酷愛。

當我們開始談以後要讓我們的小孩參加什麽活動時，我列出所有你曾報名讓我們學過的東西。起初看起來好像都是典型的中國父母叫小孩學的，像學兩樣樂器，上SAT課程，周末去中文學校等等。但回想起來，我發現雖然小提琴和鋼琴是必學的兩門，但你也報名讓我們參加許多別的有趣的活動，像體操，溜冰，書法以及弟弟的足球，籃球等。我記得我小學還去上過周末的培育營，雖然那些數學課頗無趣，但我很喜歡他們教的中古世紀故事。

記得有一次，你帶回家一本美術教室的課程簡介叫我選，我選了陶藝班。當跟瑞智提到這時，我不禁哭了起來，因爲我想到儘管我的陶藝技術很差，儘管那時我還那麽小，這些課跟以後申請大學一點關係都沒有，你還是讓我去學，而且上了一天班以後，還得開車載我去上課，讓我可以玩黏土，用陶土做花盆-儘管那個花盆做的真的很醜。

我還記得高中時，我想到芝加哥藝術博物館學人物素描，你們就輪流每個周日送我去學，來回兩個多小時，有時中間還得回家辦事。雖然偶爾你也可以順便去城内逛，但也大可用兩個多小時的時間做自己的事，但你們還是毫無怨言的每周末帶我去藝術館學畫。

想到這些，我明白我的童年不是衹有被逼學小提琴，鋼琴，中文學校（其實我很感激上這些），而是你們更讓我們不但有機會去接觸，更有能進一步去深入學習我們所喜歡的其他活動。你幫我們報名，付學費，開車接送，以成全我們的夢 - 包括一些不切實際的畫家夢和NBA足球明星夢。

想到你們替我們幾個小孩的付出，讓我好感動，看到我這麽激動，瑞智說我應該告訴你們我的感受，我相信還有許多我沒想到的往事，等我想到，我會再跟你們說。

但現在，我衹想告訴你們，我真的很感激你們在我們成長過程中所付出的一切，感謝你們一路來的鼓勵，和爲了培養我們的興趣及各方面的能力，在金錢，時間，接送上的所有付出。

Some thoughts on growing up                                      12/18/2017

Dear Mom and Dad,

A few weeks ago R and I were talking about parenting and growing up, since we came from two very different backgrounds. And I couldn't help but talk at length about how well I think you both raised us kids. I described how creative you were in making up "Lists" and "Apples" and giving us pizza parties whenever we worked hard to complete all the things we were supposed to. I remember what I loved most about those pizza parties was that mom would take us to rent a movie and we would all sit together and watch it as a family, and usually you both made the effort to be there and watch the dumb kids movie we picked out.

When we got to talking about schoolwork, R told me how nervous it made him to think of parents pressuring a kid who wasn't good at math and science, because he remembers his dad getting angry at him and making him think he wasn't smart enough when he wouldn't understand something. Though we certainly got yelled at for bad grades, when it came to help with understanding concepts, I realized how lucky we were that Dad would help us with our math and science homework, and how I never had a memory of him losing his patience with us if we didn't understand, he would just try to explain it in other ways. What's more, he shared with us his enthusiasm for science, and showed off the pellets of plastic he had on his bookshelves or the shells that he was collecting.

When we started talking about what other activities we wanted our kids to be involved in, I listed off all the things you signed us up for. At first, it seemed like typical Chinese parenting, where we learned two instruments and go to SAT class and Chinese school on the weekends. But as I thought back to our childhoods, I realized that though violin and piano were required, you gave us the opportunity to pursue other activities we might be interested in as well. How else could I have memories of going to gymnastics class, ice skating, calligraphy, and attending Art and Scott's soccer and baseball practices. I have fond memories of attending enrichment classes in elementary school on the weekends where I learned about the Medieval Times (and also some lame math classes that I was bored in).

I started remembering when I was just a child, you brought home an art center catalog and let me pick something from there. I chose ceramics class. As I was describing this to R, I actually started crying thinking how, even though I was terrible at ceramics, and even though I was still a kid, and it wouldn't do very much for my "college application", and I'm sure it wasn't cheap, nonetheless you signed me up and, after a long day of working, would drive me to this art center so I could play with clay and make the ugliest flower pot wall-hanging anyone has ever seen.

I remembered how in high school, I wanted to take a figure drawing class at the Art Institute of Chicago and you both would take turns driving the one hour all the way to downtown Chicago every other Saturday (or Sunday?), sometimes even going home in between...though I know sometimes you'd be able to visit other places while downtown, most times, you could have been doing other things rather than driving 2 hours to take your kid to art class. But you did it without complaint.

Remembering these, I realized that our childhood was not just "forced" activities like violin, piano, and chinese school (which I also appreciate), but that you both really gave us the opportunity to explore what we liked to do, and didn't try to stop us from learning more about them. You signed us up for classes, paid the money, and took the time to drive us to and from all these activities, to fulfill these zany dreams we had, whether it was to be an artist or to be an NBA player.

After our conversation, seeing how touched I was thinking about all that you did for us, R told me that I should tell you two about how much that meant to me. I'm sure there will be many other things that will come back to me from our youth, and when they do, I'll be sure to let you know.

But for now, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate what you did for us as we were growing up, and how grateful I am that you always encouraged and both financially and transportation-ly enabled us to nurture our interests and grow our skills, regardless of what we wanted them to be.

Love,