這是非常奇怪的是，我的理解有關那大白色的房間就是無法越過我所描述的。也許，我需要科學家和專家來為我填補空白。是何處的地方？我怎麼回我的公寓？我第二天早上在我的床上醒來，我並沒覺得有什麼不對。

我不知道我是怎麼來到這裡的？這是什麼地方而我在哪裡？他們給我了什麼藥，使我能恢復我的意識在一個半小時？那個男人是誰跟我媽媽說話像是她的上司？我媽媽如何這麼快來到了這裡?  我立即聽到她的聲音在我恢復我的意識後。 我似乎覺 得，她在半小時之內到這裡。我媽媽住在鄉下來到這裡。首先，她需要乘公共巴士到宜蘭。然後，坐火車到台北。她至少需要4小時到達這裡。

我吞下安眠藥的數量, 我不會期望生存。上次我有意識，我吞下全部或大部分安眠藥我買了在電影院裡。然後，我覺得我的身體發麻,嚴重的呼吸困難而我的視力已經很模糊。我癱倒在地上在我回到我的座位的路上。因此，我的知覺狀態沒越過那點。

我斜眼看着在我左边的房间當我俯身在水槽。房間裡佈置節制地。這是一個大房間，可能70英尺寬x80英尺長或更大，有著白色的牆壁，天花板和白色的水泥地。房間裡有明亮的日光燈，像醫院等候室行和一排一排的白色椅子，可能八排面對我。第一排的座位和水槽之間大約7英尺空間。人相當多，所有的成年人，在困惑和迷茫的看著我。我斜眼看了看我的右邊，是有點暗淡。我看到牆壁距離水槽約4英尺而我也看到了那個男人穿著黑深藍色而熨的筆直西褲自膝蓋下來及他擦的亮亮的鞋，因為我是彎著背俯在水槽,而且第一個女醫生用她的右手輕輕按下我的頭進水槽, 正因為如此我不能看到任何站立直接在我旁邊人的面孔。

是非常奇怪的是，我記憶的白色大房間所有經歷就是不能超過我所敘述。我沒有任何記憶在我吞下皂液之後的的任何事情。我獨自在我的公寓當我第二天早晨起床我沒覺得我的身體有什麼不對。也許，我需要科學家和專家為我填補我的空白。我怎麼回我的公寓？我知道，這是真實的，不是夢，我的大腦功能正常，除非我當時有失憶症由安眠藥的副作用引起。但是，沒有人知道我幾乎從死亡回來。房東，丈夫和妻子，擁有三層樓的房子。一樓是食品雜貨店, 其大部分生意為稻米, 而房東，房東的唯一的兒子和房東的媳婦以及他們兩個年幼的孩子，住在二樓。三樓被分成四個房間租出去。樓梯靠牆在右手側從一樓到二樓, 而在後面從二樓到三 樓。所有租戶必須通過房東的雜貨店和房東的二樓住所到到我們三樓的公寓。如果房東會知道，我曾經自殺，那麼房東會要求我立即搬出我的公寓。於我曾經自殺的理由辯解他的行動。如果某人曾在一個公寓自殺，那麼公寓，甚至整層樓會被認為是一個鬧鬼的地方根據台灣習俗。房東可能無法租出該公寓甚至整層樓。

Jennie PC Chiang/江佩珍 03/05/15 美國

「SUICIDE」part. 2/2

It was very odd that my knowledge of that big white room just could not pass beyond what I had described. Perhaps, I need scientists or experts to fill in the blanks here for me. Where was the place? How did I get back to my apartment? I woke up the next morning in my bed and I did not feel anything wrong with me.

I didn’t know how I got here?  What was this place and where I was? What medicine they gave me that enabled me to regain my consciousness in a half hour? Who was the man who spoke with my mom like her boss?  How my mom got here so quickly?  I heard her voice immediately after I regained my consciousness. It seemed to me that she got here within half an hour. My mom lived at countryside to get here.  First, she would need to take a public bus to Ilan and then, took a train to Taipei. She would need at least four hours to get here.

The amount of sleeping pills I took. I would not expect to survive. The last time I was consciously. I swallowed all or most of the sleeping pills I bought in the cinema. Then, I felt numb in my body; my vision was blurred and severe breathing difficulties. I collapsed unconscious on the floor on the way back to my seat in the cinema. Thus, the state of my consciousness did not pass beyond that point.

I looked askance at the room on my left while I was hunching over the sink. The room, possible 70 ft. W X 80 ft. L or larger, was sparingly furnished. It was a big room with white wall and ceiling and white concrete floor. It was brightly lit with fluorescent lights, like hospital waiting room with row and row of white chairs, possible eight rows facing me.  It was approximately 7 ft. space between first rows of seats and the sink. Considerable number of people, all adults, looked at me in perplexity and confusion.

I looked askance at my right, it was a little bit dim. I saw the wall about 4 ft. away from the sink and I also saw part of that man who wore dark navy blue and ironing perfectly straight trousers from knees down and his shining shoes as I was not only hunching over the sink but also the first female doctor with her right hand gently pressed my head into the sink and as such I could not see anyone’s faces standing immediately next to me.

It was very odd that my knowledge of that big white room just could not pass beyond what I had described. I had no memory of what happen after I swallowed liquid soap. I was in my apartment alone when I got up next morning and I did not feel anything wrong with me or my body. Perhaps, I need scientists or experts to fill in the blanks here for me.  How did I get back to my apartment? I knew, it was real-life, not a dream and my brain was properly functioning, unless I had amnesia then caused by side effects of sleeping pills. But then, nobody was aware that I came back from almost dead. The landlord, a husband and wife, owned a three story house. The first floor was grocery store, most of its business was rice, and the landlord, the landlord’s only son and landlord’s daughter-in-law as well as they two small children, lived in second floor. The third floor was divided into four rooms to rent out and every room had been occupied. A staircase against the wall on the right hand side winded from first floor to second floor and then in the back from second floor to third floor. All tenants must have walked through landlord’s grocery store and landlord's living quarters on second floor to our apartment on third floor. If the landlord would have known that I committed suicide, then the landlord would ask me to immediately move out of my apartment on the grounds of suicide once. If someone would have committed suicide in an apartment, then the apartment or even the whole floor would be considered a haunted place under Taiwanese custom. The landlord’s apartments may not ever be rented out due to suicide committed there.