I am low key when it comes to celebrating birthdays.

My thing is that I am not celebrating something that everyone was born with-- if you could survive in the womb till the due day, you will have a birthday. Matter of fact, celebrating birthdays makes no sense to me. Simply put, if you have too much moola or too much free time at hand, have a blast on your birthday, Darling. Otherwise, it seems to me that if you miss out on this year's, you can always make it up for the next year.

What makes sense to me, however, is to celebrate something that you have achieved. Like, graduation, anniversary, first house to move in, baptism or bar mitzvah. It is something you have sweat over and earned it after all. Not everyone can finish school, or have a commitment to a long term relationship, or have a house, or accepting a mighty power into one's life. Now that is, for me, something to celebrate about.

So of course my mother-in-law does not know this about me. 

MIL lives in her own head. She optionally listens to what I have to say, or does not listen to what I have to say, about celebrating. So she missed out on my pinning ceremoney when I finished nursing school. She missed out on my survival party after first year working as a new grad nurse. She missed out on all the anniversary Hubby and I have had during the very rocky road of our 10 year relationship. She missed out on all the marks I care.

But trust me when I say this. I have really wanted to throw a big birthday party for my MIL. Deep down I know that is what she has ever wanted the rest of her limited time of her life. I would imagine she would have a grandiose time for all her kids and grandkids all together for her -- a catering party of good food, good wine, good music -- family and friends celebrating the day of her birth.

"Then why didn't you throw a party for her?" asked my mom last week when I told her about it.

"I would love to, Mom. But it is NOT my position to throw her a birthday party," I said. Considering MIL has a daughter, 3 sons and numerous grandchildren of her own, WHO THE HELL AM I to think that she would want her ONLY daughter in law to throw a birthday party for her? HELLO??

"Don't be like this, Purr!" said Mom. LIKE WHAT?! Like I do not feel hurt when she missed out on being a mother in law for me? Or simply being there for me all these years?Like MIL used to say to me, "You know I have my own problems too." HA, RIGHT BACK AT CHA!

"You need to talk to D that maybe you and D together could throw a B-day party for his own mother..." said Mom, never seeming to give it up easily.

I could throw a party for MIL, I think. Considering that Hubby just lost his job, Maria Elaina has retired for who knows how long, Victor has not had great clientel since he closed his hair salon a few years back, and Joe has not worked since the 80's, that I am the only one except for MIL's own husband who literally could pay for the party.

"I could, but I don't want to. She ain't no my own mother. It ain't no my god damn business," I told my mom my deepest darkest secret that I have been hiding or rationalizing for years.  

NOW THE GIG IS UP!!

So I scheduled myself to work on my birthday last week. Thought it meant a lot to me that I was able to work at the hardest time. Also, to dedicate my service to the people who needed my care on my birthday. Besides, who would give me a few hundred bucks on my birthday except for myself?