It was quiet yesterday, Friday the 13th. This "unusual-ness" only happens around holidays when the staff, from the nurse manager to the unit secretary, are taking things easy.

By 1000 I have passed my meds. I brought my diet pepsi to the report room to get my rounds done next. There was this big plate of home made cookies -- multiple hearts with pink icing in the middle. I see. It's Valentine's Day this weekend. "Take one, Purr," said my manager. "Francine made them." Looking at my manager, I noticed that she was wearing dangle heart earings. I took one piece of cookie on the way back to my zone.

After 1100, Franny started passing everyone a stack of stickers with multiple hearts of Valentine's Day colors -- pink and red. "Take one, kid. Happy Valentine's Day," she said. I picked a red heart with silver lining and sticked it on my badge. Franny was a single mom all her life. Her hubby walked out of the marriage when their little girl was 5. Now she is a grandmother. She never really tried dating again. "I am used to being alone," she said.

Walking towards zone 5 after 12o'clock hourly checkup, I was looking for some company. Shawn was in the middle of a talk while Stacy was listening. I sat aside checking my orders on the computer and listening to them at the same time.

"...for christ's sake if I EVER listen to him brushing his hair 50 times in the morning...No more, no less. 50 times ..." Shawn was in a marriage counseling with her hubby, who sounds like he has some degree of OCD -- obsessive compulsive disorder. "I'll get crazy," she concluded. After 10 years of marriage with one boy of 5 y/o together and multiple tries of vitro for many years, Shawn chose to leave this wrong man that happens to be her husband because she can not tolerate the way he is anymore.

"...just do it for yourself. No matter if you are alone or with someone else..." Stacy started giving her share of support now. "...enjoy the sex, Honey. You do NOT need a marriage to enjoy life..." WOW. Moment of TRUTH! Stacy has 3 boys with her hubby for about 10 years. "...I just want to lose 10lbs and look amazing. I want to buy some lingerie, feeling beautiful and be confident again..." I turned around looking at her. Stacy was doing some dance moves.

"...if I'm feeling hot, I would wear my blond wig," said Sheila. She is one of our new PCA's. Sheila said she is lucky to have a job because her boyfriend for 17 years has started to act like "the man in the house" since she lost her last job 2 years ago. "I can NOT stand it anymore. I HAVE TO have a job to support myself," she said.

Francine came and joined us. "...that's what I did for one day," she said. Francine just came back from Hawaii with her hubby for 20 years. Second hondymoon for sure. "...I wanted it MY way and my way only...then 10 minutes later I was done, getting up and ready for a shower. He was like,'Is that it?' YUP, thats exactly what I have wanted." NO WONDER. Francine looks so blonde, tanned and different first day back at work. GREAT for her!

Then came Heather. She quietly found a chair and sat down. Rumors said that she was trying to divorce her hubby as well. She just came back to work from a 3 month sick-leave to have a shoulder surgery done. Her husband is an addict. Smokes pot and drinks in the house in front of their 2 little boys.

"...and everything was in distance. He would be like writing a card and sign 'love, steve.' Then circle love. Like he REALLY tries to love me. But he never touches me, holds me or makes love to me..." Shawn continued. Her hubby sounds like a REAL mental case by now. "But I believe that there WILL be a man out there that REALLY cares for me and ONLY me." Shawn is a TRUE romantic.

"But are you dating?" I asked Shawn. Seeing that there is a latest Victoria Secrets catalogue by her bag. Why do you feel like dressing up when you are in a divorce battle anyway? "Hmm, no, but is it ok to date when you are...separated?" she asked. Good question.

"NOBODY said you can't, Honey," Delores jumped in. "if you meet the RIGHT guy, I'll say go for it." Delores, in her late 40's, has been divorced for 9 years. She said she would NEVER be married again to older men. "What can they do?" she commented. "Can not even keep up with me in the bed." WHEW!

"Well, I'm glad that you are still hopeful, Shawn," I said. "But I can not quite say that I would be so happy that jumping up and down and said,'I love being married.' I have to say that I have A LOT more happy memories being single than married." Everyone was looking at me. All paused, hearing the crickets.

"Then why DON'T you leave?" Stacy asked.

"I wish I knew. I have a list of things to do and places to go. Believe me when I said I do," I said. Hawaii? Florida? or any place on the east coast? I could swap a license and practice what I'm doing in any state. I do not have kids. I'm basically a free agent in my co-worker's eyes.

"Sometime I feel like life is too damn short. And I do not want to put up with him or his bullshit anymore. I would think that a divorce is the ONLY solution. But the next day, D would do something that just touches my heart. Then does he really deserve a divorce? does he really?" I have learned not to make any decision when I am angry. "And what if I got a divorce, would things get any different?" I kinda do not believe in divorce. Maybe?

I don't know. Looking at the people around me. These are very hard working, talented, beautiful, but mostly divorced women.  I really do not have answers for myself.