"So what's the scoop, Missy? I want to hear everything about it," I said, taking a second look at her. She looked all glowing rosy cheek. And I was pretty sure it was not just her flawless makeup.

"I went looking for a ring yesterday," she said, grinning from cheek to cheek. I see. A woman in love.

She and Steve have been seeing each other for a while. At the beginning of their relationship, Heather told me how she found the list that she made 10 years ago. We all are too familiar with that list -- of all the characters we are looking for in a husband. "It sounds like its almost too good to be true, but Steve matches EVERYTHING on my list," Heather told me 6 months ago.

But is that THE ring I think she is talking about? Our last conversation about Steve was few weeks ago. She was all puzzled, wondering if it was time for her and her little girl to settle down with a new man in life. "There is no issue... just to commit." I told her, knowing that she was always attracted to the wrong type -- the bad boy and the heartbreaker. And when a nice guy like Steve comes around, she does not know what to do with him. But looking for a ring after having seen each other for only 6 months? Isn't it too soon to commit? I don't know.

"I'm not sure if I would like to have a relationship. All I want is to have someone to talk to and hang out with," Tomeka said, grabbing a chair and sitting close to us. "Sometimes all I need is a f*ck buddy," she continued. GULP. For a 25 year old young lady, it might be easier to answer for a booty call than a real relationship these days. I guess when I meant a relationship it requires someone to be there for you when you need it. No matter what.

"Then that's a relationship you are looking for. It might not be a romantic one though," I said. Heather nodded, still smiling. Aren't we all? Boyfriend and girlfriend. Husband and wife. Parents and children. Friends. Lovers. No one can say they are exceptional and can be excluded from a relationship.

"...and you think it's hard to find that special someone?" I said and these 2 young ladies were listening. "Wait till you found him...and you realize how much work is there for you just to try to maintain the relationship with him," I said. Equivalently speaking, it's like you finally come to the foot of the Himalayas. Thinking back to how I have dealt with my relationships, it's not all that glory at all. I hardly have anything to say to my own mother anymore. Almost nothing with my own husband either. It seems to me that I don't have anything new to offer them or the willingness to refresh the relationship.

"Especially you, Heather, I want you to know that every MEANINGFUL relationship takes HARD WORK. It's hard work -- with your daughter or with your husband. Nothing comes easy. You need to put in the effort and work on it." I said. WOW. Did I just say that? Then how will I justify that my relationship with my family has become dull, boring and lazy?

"...and do me a favor here -- NEVER try to change the other person," I continued. "Because it WON'T work." How much has Hubby changed for me? Not much. He still drives like a mad man and wears white socks with black shoes. "It is YOU that you need to change if you want to change something about your relationship. Then YOU can see the other person in a total brand new way." That's right I said it. The person who needs to be changed is me, NOT my hubby. He is who he is. Do people get a divorce because they have given up the hope that one day they can get along? Or do people get a divorce because they simply give up trying?

It's a commitment for better or for worse. Then why do I wish it could be any easier. It's never meant to be easy. Every meaningful relationship takes hard work. I remember I said it.