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Out of Sight, Out of Mind?
2009/01/25 08:46:30瀏覽900｜回應7｜推薦26

I don't know what had happened to the relationship between me and my mom. We used to be best buddies. But somehow it has lost its "momentum".

Does it require a momentum between a mother and a daughter relationship? I really don't know. But I have found myself talk less and less to her about anything. Somehow I kinda know what questions she would ask me.

"Is it really cold there? " "Of course, Mom."

"Is it lots of snow this year?" "Seems like it, Mom."

"Have you worked a lot lately?" "3 or 4 days a week, Mom."

"Lots of people have lost jobs there, isn't it?" "Seems like it, Mom."

"I see." "Hmm."

"Are you and dad coming to see me and D this year, you think?" "Your dad does not want to leave too far away from home...."

ALRIGHTY, I GOT IT. You may stop it right there, Mom. Dad does not want to leave home. But you can, Mom. We have heard so much about some neighboring moms flying here to stay with their kids in the states. It almost sounds like a myth to me. Because it will NOT be my mom. Or my dad. NONE of my whole f*cking family or friends wants to visit me to see how D and I are doing. Dad said that he writes less and less because he knows I'm doing fine by myself.

HMMMMM....

I know it sounds selfish and childish. But it kinda HURTS when Mom said she and Dad will not come here this year.  (or ANY year?) Mom used to have that spirit-- a sense of being ADVENTUROUS and OUT THERE. She was DARING. She was SPONTANEOUS. She was lots of FUN to be around with. I'm really not sure what had happened to her the last 8 years. Maybe it was her bad knees? or aching shoulders or wrists? or she has changed to a totally strange, old lady that I hardly know of anymore. Deep down I know she and Dad will never want to leave their house and fly here to see me. Not this year or next year. NOT EVER.

And this is making me sad.

( 休閒生活｜旅人手札 )
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潔希
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The conversation
2009/01/30 05:38

between me and and my mom is pretty much the same as yours. There really isn't much to talk about. Sometimes they just need to hear my voice and know that I'm doing well here. And that's the purpose of the phone calls.

I don't know how old your parents are. My dad is over eighty. I totally understood when my mom told me my dad didn't want to travel any more. Traveling(especially long distance) isn't as easy as it used to be for them. 

聽起來很感傷,可也是事實.因為我們常常忘記父母老了...

偶爾妳回去看看他們吧!如果他們不想或不能來.
purr(rtcapaldi) 於 2009-02-01 00:20 回覆：
thanks for your response, huihan. for a long time that i have planned for a trip where D and i could take them driving on an RV all over the states. but we could not afford it the first several years when i was still in school. now we are financially doing better but the timing is missed.

California Sunshine
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In my personal experience
2009/01/28 14:06

My parents used to come over to LA to visit me before my dad was on dialysis. I remembered the last time they were here, I just gave birth to my daughter. My dad got a cold and he did not want to worry me and just held it until they flew back to Taiwan 2 weeks later. He was sent to the hospital directly from the airport. I blamed myself for almost killing my own father! He went on dialysis a few months later, I guess his health just got worse after that very close call.

All I wanted to say is, as you might have known, our parents have no insurance here and they are older people who get sick easily after travelling through almost half of a world, not to mention the adjustment to the weather and stuffs. It is hard for them. My guess is, your parents don't want to become your burden just in case they get sick here and you will have to end up paying the huge medical bills. I believe your mom and dad love you as always. Maybe the most comfort for them is to know that you're ok, that's all.

If possible, why don't you and D fly back to visit them? Don't hesitate to let them know you love them before it's too late...
purr(rtcapaldi) 於 2009-01-29 03:13 回覆：
thanks for your response, carol. your message is VERY helpful when you used your family (dad) example to teach me a lesson. im SO THANKFUL and hoping that i will never go through what you have. THANKS AGAIN, C!

DrComposting
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my 2ents
2009/01/26 12:27

One might be in a medical condition that’s not making travel entirely impossible, but very difficult.  It would take a lot of courage for one just to make one’s mind to travel to Michigan.  20 hours of flight and the weather could just be too much for the elders.  You mom still loves you because she kept on asking what’s going on.  Maybe you guys need more communication.  You need to let her know how you really feel, and you’ll need to listen to them as well.  I used to feel exactly the same about my parents, until once I was in a condition that’s making me learn exactly what their concern was.
purr(rtcapaldi) 於 2009-01-28 12:07 回覆：

thanks for your response, Dr. C. i DO have wondered that their health condition is not as good as i thought they are. i guess they worry that i can not take care of them if they get sick when they are away from home. maybe?


nothing special
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kid,
2009/01/26 11:32

things change, people change.
This is an era of CHANGE, you know.

You have to find out what is exactly going on, what is the real reason. Or, the sorrow will remain forever.
purr(rtcapaldi) 於 2009-01-26 11:50 回覆：

i kinda believe that my dad is afraid of flying and my mom simply gets older. life is too damn short. i don't get it. what are they waiting for?

穎瀾
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我豬道
2009/01/26 08:29

您一定是平常表現得像個女強人，父母都不會太關照的。

下次要在媽咪面前嬌弱一點，表現很需要愛得樣子。
purr(rtcapaldi) 於 2009-01-26 11:29 回覆：

like how?

Apple *
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Parents' Love
2009/01/26 01:30
Dear Purr:
 
Sounds like you are venting!?
 
I have had similar conversations with my mom for over 30 years. I still do it every week. 
 
Have you noticed that there is not much dialogue between older couples?  What needs to be said has been said.  And it does require some energy to engage in a conversation. The same applies to parents-children.
 
I am sure your parents care about you. They might be preoccupied with other concerns such as health issues, family problems(the ones they do not want you to know). 
 
Why don't you visit them instead?  The weather has been lousy in Michigan.  That gives you a good reason to travel.
 
Call her, it is Chinese New Year tomorrow.  Your parents are expecting your call.
 
Apple from Plymouth, MI
 
PS. If you use phone cards, there may be problems to get connections during the holidays.  My trick is to use a cell phone to call the numbers (provided by the phone card company) in a different time zone. This morning I called Arizona and made the call to Taiwan. The numbers in Ann Arbor were impossible to get through.
purr(rtcapaldi) 於 2009-01-26 11:26 回覆：
Apple from Plymouth, MI. thanks for your response. I AM venting. i don't know what i'd turn into if it wasn't for my blog that serves me for ONE AND ONLY purpose -- venting. it keeps me sane. somehow i know i can NOT say what i said here to anyone in person. but emotions need an outlet. and this is it. ill give mom a phone call wednesday for sure. thanks.

醒醒腦 ... ClearBrain
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Out of HUG!!
2009/01/25 09:01

When two people did not HUG each other for a while, that is what could happen!

You dont have to feel sad, just go and ask them to come...cuz..." I need to hug you!"
purr(rtcapaldi) 於 2009-01-26 11:37 回覆：

thank you clearbrain. last time i wrapped my arms around mom was long time ago....i'm SO out of hugs!