她，是私塾大弟子。

        出生在美國，中文講得不錯，識字還在慢慢學。

        13歲。

        有次在青少年聚會裡，大家談夢想。

        有人希望上月球逛逛，有人喜歡買跑車，有人想變成卡通人物，輪到她時，這弟子毫不考慮的說：「我想在圖書館裡住上三天三夜！」

         結果，把許多的孩子弄得當場翻白眼，發出嘔吐聲。

         她，喜歡自己既是美國人，又是中國人。

         她，對私塾，有自己的看法，有自己的話要說。

＊

       They say that a parent is a child’s first teacher.

       They say that a teacher is a child’s third parent.

       But what happens when you have to be both?

Being a Teacher

       When I was in a private elementary school, my mom would threaten to “call my teacher” whenever I misbehaved. The argument might rage on for another hour, but at that moment, she won.

         Why?

         Well, it’s like this.

         Kids behave very differently when they’re at school. Whether they’re model students or troublemakers, you can usually bet that they’re a lot better behaved in school than they are at home.

         That’s because teachers, (even the good ones), are scary. They hold a power over us. With a wave of the hand, our recess is gone. We have extra homework. We get called on in class when they know we know they know we’re not paying attention.

         Now a parent—that’s a whole different story.

          We live with you. We’ve seen you at your worst and at your best.

         So, when you lay down the law, we’re more inclined to search for loopholes than to nod meekly. A student who wouldn’t dream of talking back to Ms. Smith thinks nothing of demanding an explanation from Mom.

And that can cause problems when you’re homeschooling.

          Parents who homeschool their children have to be with their children.

          The whole day.

           If families fight during the five to six hours that they actually see each other, imagine how hard it’ll be if your child argues with you during the seven hours reserved especially for schooling.

           The week before school, you need to sit down and talk with your kid(s).

           Explain that when school starts, you’ll not only be their mom/dad, you’ll be their teacher.

            Explain that, just as they don’t openly disrespect their teachers, they can’t disrespect you.

            And then be patient.

            Also, understand this: If you want your children to act like your students, then you will have to act like their teacher.

            I’m thirteen, and I can tell you right now that the one thing kids hate most in adults is hypocrisy.

            Want to know why your children won’t clean their rooms?

             Check your own room.

            Want to know why your children won’t treat you like a teacher?

            Are you acting like a teacher?

           A teacher is in the classroom before the students arrive.

           A teacher is willing to help when the student needs it.

           A teacher is not inconsistent.

           I’m not saying that things will suddenly become perfect if you act like a teacher. After all, we (your darling kids) will still struggle with the huge mental shift. (Imagine if your boss suddenly became your mom!)

           It won’t be easy.

           But who ever said homeschooling was easy?

Being a Parent

            Just as we’ve seen you at your worst, you’ve also seen us at our worst. 

             We expect you to know certain things—things our regular teachers don’t know.

            I still remember the day my second grade teacher asked us to write journals and submit them for grading. She assured us that everything we wrote would be strictly confidential, and that her eyes were the only eyes that would read it. “Make it as personal as you want!” she encouraged.

           No one in the class wrote anything personal.

           It wasn’t that she was a bad teacher. In fact, she was a really nice one. But she wasn’t someone we could trust with our real feelings.

           As Mom or Dad, your children will look to you for understanding when they feel frustrated. They’ll expect you to understand in a way their normal teachers never can. 

             It doesn’t matter that you’re now a teacher.

            You’re still a parent.

            I love that my mom will explain a math problem to me with unlimited patience—and I love that she’ll also understand when I need to take a break.

            A teacher will teach the material no matter what. A parent will sit down and teach it until the child understands it.

            A teacher will punish when shown disrespect. A parent will try to talk it out and solve the problem.

            It’s difficult finding the balance when you’re suddenly both teacher and parent.

            How can you be understanding without being too lenient? How do you know when you should stand your ground and when you let it go?

            It’s going to be hard for us too.

            After all, we’re the ones who are going to have to learn from you. The kids of this generation are independent. We pride ourselves of not needing their parents. And, deep inside, we don’t want to admit that we need help.

            So when Mom tries to explain functions to us, what’s the first thing that pops out of our mouths?

           “I know that!”

           As a teacher, you’ll have to be firm. As a parent, you’ll have to be understanding.

           No wonder homeschooling strengthens parent/child bonds.

My, (ahem) Personal, Testimony

            When things get tough, don’t get discouraged. Trust me, things will get better.

             During elementary school, I loved math. Adding, subtracting, multiplying—computation came easily to me.

             Then, the year I started homeschooling, I encountered algebra.

             Suddenly I didn’t understand everything. It was actually hard work.

             The little girl who loved math now loathed the subject.

             It didn’t help that my teacher was now my mom.

              The first few weeks were hard.

             Every night, I’d sit with my mom as we did problem after problem, page after page.

              I was embarrassed at first. After all, I’d been the model student at school. My mom had always taken pride in my grades.      

               Now, suddenly I was struggling with a subject that had once been cake.

                My first reaction was to hold onto my pride.

                 “I knew that!”

                 “I already tried that!”

                My second reaction was depression.

               “I’m never going to learn this.  ”

               “This is impossible!”

               Like a good teacher, my mom made it clear that if I wanted help, I’d have to lose the attitude.

               And like a good parent, she gave me a hug as she said it.

                I shut up and started paying attention.

               Those nights were some of the hardest of my life—but if I had a choice, I’d live through them all over again.  

                Why?

                Well, now, looking back, I can see how close I got to my mom.

                We tackled functions, algebraic equations and polynomials together and emerged triumphant.

                Sure, there were fights and tears and arguments, but despite it all, we pulled through.

                Being both a parent and a teacher is tough.

                You’ll yell, blow up, and probably cry.

                My advice?

                Pray—a lot.

                And don’t give up.

               What you’re doing is not just making a successful homeschooling experience.

                You’re building a bond between yourself and your children.