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| 2014/11/17 08:02:23瀏覽131｜回應0｜推薦8 | |
| 【書摘】在少女們身旁—貝戈特 (About Bergotte) 10 Mes parents cependant auraient souhaité que l’intelligence que Bergotte m’avait reconnue se manifestât par quelque travail remarquable. Quand je ne connaissais pas les Swann je croyais que j’étais empêché de travailler par l’état d’agitation où me mettait l’impossibilité de voir librement Gilberte. Mais quand leur demeure me fut ouverte, à peine je m’étais assis à mon bureau de travail que je me levais et courais chez eux. Et une fois que je les avais quittés et que j’étais rentré à la maison, mon isolement n’était qu’apparent, ma pensée ne pouvait plus remonter le courant du flux de paroles par lequel je m’étais laissé machinalement entraîner pendant des heures. Seul, je continuais à fabriquer les propos qui eussent été capables de plaire aux Swann, et pour donner plus d’intérêt au jeu, je tenais la place de ces partenaires absents, je me posais à moi-même des questions fictives choisies de telle façon que mes traits brillants ne leur servissent que d’heureuse répartie. Silencieux, cet exercice était pourtant une conversation et non une méditation, ma solitude une vie de salon mentale où c’était non ma propre personne mais des interlocuteurs imaginaires qui gouvernaient mes paroles et où j’éprouvais à former, au lieu des pensées que je croyais vraies, celles qui me venaient sans peine, sans régression du dehors vers le dedans, ce genre de plaisir tout passif que trouve à rester tranquille quelqu’un qui est alourdi par une mauvaise digestion. (l’édition Gallimard, Paris, 1946-47) 父母希望貝戈特在我身上所發現的智慧能化為傑出的成就。在我還不認識斯萬夫婦時，我以為我無心寫作是因為我不能自由地和希爾貝特見面，是因為我焦灼不安。可是當他們向我敞開家門時，我在書桌前剛剛坐下便又起身向他們家跑去。我從他們家歸來，獨自一人，但這只是表象，我的思想仍無法抗拒話語的水流，因為在剛才幾個小時裡，我機械地聽任自己被它沖卷。我獨自一人，但繼續臆造可能使斯萬夫婦高興的話語，而且，為了使遊戲更有趣，我扮演在場的對話者，我對自己提出虛構的問題，目的是使我的高見成為巧妙的回答。這個練習雖然在靜默中進行，但它卻是談話，而不是沉思。我的孤獨是一種精神沙龍，在這個沙龍中，控制我話語的不是我本人，而是想像的對話者；我表述的不是我認為真實的思想，而是輕手拈來的、缺乏由表及裡的反思的思想，因此我感到一種純粹被動的樂趣，好比因消化不良而呆著不動時所感到的被動樂趣。 (p.146 追憶似水年華 II 在少女們身旁 聯經版 1992) 不過，我父母自然指望貝戈特認定我具備的那份智力能有一番驚人的表現。我還沒認識斯萬夫婦的時候，總以為自己無心寫作是由於想見而見不到吉爾貝特，心緒不寧的緣故。而在他們家的門向我打開以後，我卻往往剛在書房坐下，就迫不及待地跳起身來向他們家跑去。每次和他們分手回到家裡，看似孤獨的我，思緒依然無法抵擋剛才一連幾小時沉溺其中的那股汨汨不絕的話語之流。儘管只有我一個人，我還是不斷設想出一個又一個能取悅於斯萬夫婦的話頭，玩到意興濃處，我乾脆同時扮演不在場的對話者，自己向自己提一些假想的問題，而所選的問題都是便於自己施展辯才、巧妙作答的。－切都在靜默中進行，但那不是默想，而是對話；在我，這樣的獨處是一種精神上的沙龍生活，左右我所說的話的，不是我本人，而是想像中的對話雙方，我並不覺得我說的就是自己的真實想法，它們只是些隨口而出、不會有回饋的話語，我在其中領略到的樂趣，正是一個吃得太飽，獨自靜靜待著讓食物消化的人所感到的那種滯脹的樂趣。 (p.156~157 追尋逝去的時光 II 在少女花影下 上海譯文版 周克希譯 2004) My parents meanwhile would have liked to see the intelligence that Bergotte had discerned in me made manifest in some remarkable achievement. When I still did not know the Swanns I thought that I was prevented from working by the state of agitation into which I was thrown by the impossibility of seeing Gilberte when I chose. But, now that their door stood open to me, scarcely had I sat down at my desk than I would rise and run to them. And after I had left them and was at home again, my isolation was only apparent, my mind was powerless to swim against the stream of words on which I had allowed myself mechanically to be borne for hours on end. Sitting alone, I continued to fashion remarks such as might have pleased or amused the Swanns, and to make this pastime more entertaining I myself took the parts of those absent players, I put to myself imagined questions, so chosen that my brilliant epigrams served merely as happy answers to them. Though conducted in silence, this exercise was none the less a conversation and not a meditation, my solitude a mental society in which it was not I myself but other imaginary speakers who controlled my choice of words, and in which I felt as I formulated, in place of the thoughts that I believed to be true, those that came easily to my mind, and involved no introspection from without, that kind of pleasure, entirely passive, which sitting still affords to anyone who is burdened with a sluggish digestion. (Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff) Meanwhile, my parents would have preferred it if the intelligence that had so impressed Bergotte could have been made manifest in some achievement. As Long as I had been excluded from the Swanns’ acquaintance, I was convinced that my inability to get down to work was caused by the state of emotional disturbance to which I was reduced by the impossibility of seeing Gilberte as and when I wished to. But then, once I had free access to their house, I could hardly sit down at my desk before I had to jump up again and be off there to visit them. And when I had left the Swanns’ and gone back home, it was only in appearance that I sat alone; my own thoughts could not withstand the torrent of words on which for hours past I had let myself be carried along: I went on turning out words and sentences that might have impressed the Swanns; to make the game more enjoyable, I even played the parts of the absent others, asking myself fictitious questions so designed that, in answering them, I could show off the brilliance of my banter. Silent as it was, this exercise was a real conversation and not a form of reflection; my solitude was a mental drawing-room scene, in which imaginary interlocutors and not myself were in charge of my speech, in which, by producing not ideas that I believed to be true, but ideas that came to me without trouble, without any action of the outer world on the inner, I enjoyed the same sort of pleasure as is enjoyed, in utter passivity, by the person who has nothing better to do after dinner hut sit quietly, lulled into a dull somnolence by poor digestion. (Translated by James Grieve) |
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| ( 知識學習｜隨堂筆記 ) |
