We feel lonely so we try to connect with others by device. However, it’s useless because we disconnect with ourselves. Communication starts internally. Sit down, focusing on our breath, and connect with ourselves in just a few seconds, knowing what’s going on - our body, our feeling, our emotions, and our perceptions. 

As breathing in, go back to ourselves. As breathing out, release any tension. We are with our in-breath and our out-breath. It’s a practice of freedom, releasing everything else including fears, worries about the future and sorrows, regrets about the past.

After we communicate with ourselves, then we can communicate with others clearly. The way in is the way out.

1 deep listening

溝通的第一步其實是deep understanding. The only intention is to help the other suffer less. 如果沒有mindful compassion, 我們總是易陷入怕對方不了解自己的不安中，而急著表達論述,，唯有mindful compassion才能listen long, 因為對方的話可能充滿錯誤、指責與抱怨those come from suffering. (平時就要常練習listening to ourselves without judgement) If you can listen long inhabited only by compassion, you are safe with equanimity. 如果傾聽的品質不好，最好暫停. Each of us are hungering for understanding. If you can listen to yourself and truly come home to yourself, you can profit every moment given you to live. Loving yourself is the basis for compassion. We don’t have enough understanding and love which is why we suffer so much. Listening to suffering is essential for generating understanding and love.

2 loving speech (正語)

Truth, 顧及both suffering, gently, nourish both, compassion and understanding,

(1) tell the truth in a loving and protective way (the truth may be partial). skillful: by another person’s story

(2) don’t exaggerate (抱怨他人、對自己亦是)

(3) be consistent (不兩舌)

(4) use peaceful language (不要有責難、評價等負面表達)

(1) speak the language of the world：要以世間的角度和語言來說

(2) 要視對方的background和理解力以不同的方式說 (不是為了自己的利益)(內容是相同的)

(3) 適人、適時、適地，如同醫生開藥方。When you have attachments, craving and despair, remember you are your own teacher. You can listen to these strong emotions and communicate back to healing you need.

(4) 要如法 (實相) reflect the absolute truth

(5) …

(6) 當別人讚美或批評時：You are partly right.

以上的法則，不只是用於說，也用於聽。Our compassion makes us happy and peaceful. Listen deeply. Listen with great compassion. Contemplate deeply.(觀照)

Help people understand the truth deeply. There are many wrong perceptions everywhere. It’s very liberating to say or write something using compassionate speech. Wrong speech -> ill-being. Right speech -> well-being and healing。對自己的話語也是。當我們覺得孤單無助時，那也只是一個perception. 看向窗外，正如同那樹，它正support us氧氣、beauty和清新. 去深切感受那些如樹般、未明說的support.

對家人示愛：首先，先mindful breathing至少3次 (calm and presence). 

1 I am here for you. (here and now. 100%. It’s an act of love. 對自己亦如是) 能對自己100% present, 才能對所愛的人也如此。How can you love when you not there? 即使用電話，也需mindful與全心全意。To love has to be there. (對自己也是) 

2 (1一定要先做到) I know you are there and I am very happy. (his/her presence is very precious to me)