 
字體：小 中 大 |
|
|
|
| 2011/11/02 10:55:32瀏覽1534｜回應5｜推薦43 | |
這是向公司“大巴通勤俱樂部”指陳某事項的“投訴狀”。“大哥哥”的主事者一般會代表“官方”在一旁偷看，必要時會出面回答，所以不必正式向公司反映。公司被糗之餘多會虛心檢討改進。諧謔文化在蘋果可謂根深蒂固。 此文一出，眾人大樂，反響頗巨。毒舌一族精銳盡出，熱鬧非常。“官方”也已出面表態。
While boarding the last coach to Fremont Tuesday evening at 6 pm, I was overwhelmed by a stronger than usual odor. "Usual odor" is the smell of the coach, you know, deodorant, cleaning agent, lavatory in the back, whatever. This "stronger than usual odor" happened before when someone already boarded farted in the back. It's like a nagging bug in Mac OS X that never quite goes away from the Radar screen, something you can only suspect, never prove. So I asked the driver if she could open up the vent to let some outside air in before she departed. "Why"? "Because it's smelly in here", I said. Her eyebrows raised just a bit but oops, immediately I could sense trouble. Apparently irritated by my words, she stood up and turned toward me, pointing at the overhead blower which I had just turned off and said, "That's because you turned it off. You want fresh air? That's your fresh air".
This is of course like telling me, turning on the fan in a room with no window gets me all the fresh air I need from outside. I tried to explain why I don't think that's "fresh air" because it smells like stagnant interior air, only recirculating. Never did I utter the sacred word 'fart'. But this only made things worse. She began to mention something about police stopping her on the freeway, which I could totally not comprehend. I said, "What I meant is like, there's a dial on my car's dashboard which allows me to decide if the air comes from outside or stays within". The annoyed driver shot back: "Well that's you car and this is a bus". I could almost tell what will come next if I don't shut up, so I said, "I am not complaining, but merely making a suggestion. If fresh air is not possible I am fine with it". To save my face I put on the ear plugs of my iPhone and let her shut me off. So I sat down right behind her and studied the control panel of the coach. Unfortunately I couldn't make out any of those dials and switches, although I was 100% sure a one million dollar coach certainly has some control over its internal air. Even my $15,000 Toyota has it!
Well, I made the first mistake by saying that "it" is "smelly", even though what I said was true. But you know, truth hurts people. If one discerns carefully, "it" is "the air", not "the coach". I should have told her what I meant was not about the coach she's so proudly operating, but some Apple people who couldn't hold it any more after an exhaustive day in the lab and decided to let it all out. Like a lost love, it's now all too late. I mean my words, not the fart. Though both are wind to be avoided, they are quite different in nature. One can't chase back spoken words, but one can always catch up with his or her favorite fart -- it's never too late to smell a fart, especially in a confined space. I don't know about you, but I am the kind of person who doesn't mind fart as loud as I like at home so long as my wife and kids are not around, and enjoy the aroma of my own making for a long, long time. Strangely, if it is from someone else I can't tolerate it even for a microsecond, although strength-wise, it may be far less potent than that of mine. Talk about feeling good about one's self! This is in my opinion not egocentrism but a healthy manifestation of a highly developed self-esteem.
Anyway, I didn't get my fresh air. She meant to tell me that this bus is essentially a sealed tin can, not the kind of tin can like my Toyota, but a much better tin can. After all, how can a million dollar coach take in outside air which could have been polluted and therefore is bad for your health? But I have my doubt. When the bus reached its stop at Fremont Park-and-Ride, folks streamed down the coach as usual but I was stopped by the female driver. She motioned me to remove my ear plugs and said: "Hey, I am sorry about the air, but that's all we've got". "Oh, no problem, I understand", I replied. Well I am only guilty of being naive to ask for fresh air, not so stupid as to not knowing where it can come from. Did you mean to tell me that, on this luxurious coach, there is no control over the air we breathe? I am equally sorry but I don't believe you. Personal ineptitude otherwise, social decency requires that I remain restrained, but if I am really that stupid, why do you think Apple even bothered to hire me in the first place? We are human, and people fart. Next time, I'll share mine with you. Freshly concentrated, ubiquitously permeated, evenly circulated in an all-encompassing fashion, exquisitely fermented to the point of nirvana, quintessentially brewed just for you, pal. |
|
| ( 心情隨筆｜男女話題 ) |
