In late February I fell flat on my back on wet kitchen 
tiles. Hurt like the dickens for half hour then cleared 
and I felt ok next 36 hrs. But when woke up Monday I 
couldn't get out of bed. Had hard time even turning over, 
and pain was severe.....

I figured it was a deep bruise and would clear up gradually
over couple weeks, and it seemed to most days, altho still 
hurting a lot....
 
In mid March I went to Peridontist and when he rared the 
chair back it hit me at the tenderist place---
so I left and went to my Internist and insisted on some 
Orthopedic help------ I'd also had about 2 weeks of golf-ball
size swelling on back of left elbow---didn't hurt, but it 
opened and bled and oozed clear yellow fluid all over sheets
and clothes and was a nuisance.
 
So they sent me to a big Orthopedic group a couple days 
later. The elbow was diagnosed as a form of bursitis. 
Back x rays and a bunch of MRIs showed 3 fractures--- 
2 compression fractures and a transverse process fracture. 
So I've spent the past 3 weeks with 5 further back consults,
and finally today to a Radiology interventionist. 

I'm now scheduled for a vertebral insertion of bone cement 
on Friday with a better than 50% chance of relief of pain 
and good function...

看到這裡,淚水早已止不住了. email是選在我出門後才送的. 
下班回來看到訊息,即便馬上出發,也已趕不上.
好友的體貼,感受的到.內心的煎熬,卻是不能承受的重.

平時電話裡,報的都是平安的消息.卻暗自忍受如此的疼痛.
原來電話裡問著我:
報稅服務忙嗎?加班忙嗎?慈濟的志工服務忙嗎?

其實是心裡有話?

魯鈍的我,總在累極了回說:
忙啊!忙的回家倒頭就睡.
然後心安理得的接受好友的關心與祝福.

排山倒海的懊悔,淹沒了整個思緒.
能做的也僅只有祈求手術的順利.
這樣的粗心,連自己都怨恨自己起來.

星期五一整天,安住心默禱著.正常著上班.
星期六是今年度報稅服務的最後一天,
也本著設立這項服務的初衷,愉悅的堅持到最後一刻.

等不及回家,撥了手機,終於有人答話.
四小時的手術,一切順利.
靜心修養,期待復原時候的到來.

感受到好友的體貼,將是今後最值得珍惜的.
感恩的心,也讓我終於沒有遺憾.


2008. 4. 12