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| 2016/06/10 06:33:39瀏覽253｜回應0｜推薦10 | |
| 【書摘】在少女們身旁—與少女們的情誼 (Friendship with Girls) 3-1 Je me mentais à moi-même, j’interrompais la croissance dans le sens selon lequel je pouvais en effet véritablement grandir et être heureux, quand je me félicitais d’être aimé, admiré, par un être aussi bon, aussi intelligent, aussi recherché que Saint-Loup, quand j’adaptais mon intelligence, non à mes propres obscures impressions que c’eût été mon devoir de démêler, mais aux paroles de mon ami à qui en me les redisant – en me les faisant redire, par cet autre que soi-même qui vit en nous et sur qui on est toujours si content de se décharger du fardeau de penser – je m’efforçais de trouver une beauté, bien différente de celle que je poursuivais silencieusement quand j’étais vraiment seul, mais qui donnerait plus de mérite à Robert, à moi-même, à ma vie. Dans celle qu’un tel ami me faisait, je m’apparaissais comme douillettement préservé de la solitude, noblement désireux de me sacrifier moi-même pour lui, en somme incapable de me réaliser. (l’édition Gallimard, Paris, 1946-47) 我慶幸自己得到像聖盧這樣善良、聰穎、人人願意與之交往的人的喜愛和欣賞，我不是叫自己的智慧去適應自己紛亂的印象——理清這些紛亂的印象，本是我的義務——而是去適應朋友的話語。我自己再次重複這些話 (我叫活在我們身上、卻與自我不是一個人的那個人給我重複這些話，人總是很高興把思考的重擔卸給他人)，極力找到這位朋友的美。這種美與我真正孤獨一人時所求索的美完全不同，但是這種美賦予羅貝爾、我自己、我的生命以更大的價值。我這麼做的時候，是在自己騙自己，是中斷了成長的過程。如果沿著原來的方向發展下去，我確實可以真正地成長起來，得到幸福。在這樣的朋友為我造成的生活裡，我顯出嬌滴滴地避開了孤獨、高尚地希望為他犧牲自己的模樣，實際上卻意識不到自己的使命了。 (p.522~523 追憶似水年華 II 在少女們身旁 聯經版 1992) 當我在慶幸自己被一個像聖盧這麼善良，這麼總明，這麼人人願意跟他交往的朋友引為同道、知己，當我努力讓自己的心智去適應，不是去適應自己那些混沌的印象 (其實我是有責任釐清這些印象的)，而是去適應聖盧說過的那些話，在我重溫這些話語時——或者說是在我聽著那個寓於我們身上，卻又不是我們自己的另一個人對我重複這些話語時，因為我們總是樂意把思考的擔子卸給他去挑的——我竭力在其中尋找一種美感，它跟我在真正獨處時默默追求的美很不相同，但會使羅貝爾、使我自己都變得更出色，使我的生活變得更有價值，當我在這麼想、這麼做的時候，我是在自欺欺人，是在中斷自己沿著一條可以讓我擭得幸福的成長道路前進的步子。在這樣一位朋友為我設計的生活中，我看似舒舒服服地避開了孤獨，堂堂正正地願意為他而犧牲白己，其實在這樣的生活中，我是不可能實現自我的。 (p.296~297 追尋逝去的時光 II 在少女花影下 第二部 上海譯文版 周克希譯 2004) I was lying to myself, I was interrupting the process of growth in that direction in which I could indeed really be enlarged and made happy, when I congratulated myself on being liked, admired, by so good, so clever, so rare a creature as Saint-Loup, when I focussed my mind, not upon my own obscure impressions which duty bade me unravel, but on the words uttered by my friend, in which, when I repeated them to myself—when I had them repeated to me by that other self who dwells in us and on to whom we are always so ready to transfer the burden of taking thought,—I strove to make myself find a beauty very different from that which I used to pursue in silence when I was really alone, but one that would enhance the merit of Robert, of myself, of my life. In the life which a friend like this provided for me, I seemed to myself to be comfortably preserved from solitude, nobly desirous of sacrificing myself for him, in fact quite incapable of realising myself. (Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff) I lied to myself, I stunted my growth in the very direction that could lead me to genuine progress and happiness, each time I took pride in being liked and admired by a person as kind, as intelligent, as sought after as Sainte-Loup, by adapting my mind not to my own confused impressions, which it should have been my duty to decipher, but to the words spoken by my friend, in which, as I repeated them to myself－or, rather, as I listened to them being repeated by that person other than ourself who lives in us, and by whom we are always glad to be freed from the onus of thinking－I sought to find a mode of beauty that was a far cry from the beauty I sought in the silence of my real solitude, but which I hoped might add merit to Robert, and to myself, while making my life more worthwhile. In the life his friendship made for me, I could see myself as cozily protected from solitude, and full of a noble aspiration to self-sacrifice for his benefit－in a word, deprived of the power of self-realization. (Translated by James Grieve) |
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| ( 知識學習｜隨堂筆記 ) |
