字體:小 中 大 | |
|
|
2013/04/30 13:43:06瀏覽3399|回應26|推薦97 | |
讀了愛美和電老大在女兒婚禮前寫的[媽咪的叮嚀]和【把拔的叮嚀】,感動之餘,也在考慮是否該給兒子一些婚前叮嚀。但繼而一想,千言万語,不知從何說起,而且現在年輕人,自己有自己的想法, 也不見得聼得進去老人言,還是省點力氣,反正來日方長,以後再慢慢道來。 本想不必叮嚀了,沒想到,今天接到兒子寄來的作業,說替他們証婚的牧師,對所有他證婚的配偶們,除了規定他們接受好幾小時的婚前咨詢課外, 還需要父母填一份問答題,作爲準新郎新娘踏進婚姻的參考。 讀著這十五道題,看似簡單,卻題題引起我很多回憶。知子莫若母,想起兒子從小到大的種種優點缺點,他今天的個性人品,優點缺點都是在原生家庭和成長環境中塑造成的, 而再過幾個月,他將帶著這些優缺點,開始和另一個人共同組成一個新家庭。 上帝將這個男孩交給我養育二十多年, 如今他將離開原生家庭,開始另一段人生。我已經盡到我媽媽的責任了嗎? 我有盡我塑造的能力,讓他得以裝備完全,去應付婚姻的挑戰嗎? 婚姻不是個容易的功課。記得新婚時,有無數次,我充滿挫折的覺得對身邊的配偶那樣陌生,我不懂爲什麽他對很多事情的想法作法和我相差那麽多?相愛容易相處難,在交往階段,戀愛的感覺常蒙蔽許多現實的挑戰,原生家庭對婚姻的影響遠超過一般人的想像。而且,越老越顯現出來。 下筆寫這些問答題,我仿佛在接受一個復習的考試。對這二十多年作一個總復習,復習我對兒子的教養是否成功,考我是否能交出一張漂亮的成績單,是否這些年來的耳濡目染,言教身教,潛移默化,耳提面命,能讓兒子成爲一個能讓另一個女人幸福的丈夫?! 我想,這些題目的設計,是爲了讓即將踏上地毯那一端的新人能從自己父母以及配偶父母那裏得到更多資訊,了解另一半一些自己可能不知道的部分,知道他將會是個什麽樣的丈夫和妻子。也了解對方父母對自己的期待,減少雙方可能引起的誤會。 我決定好好得一一作答,但願,我的回答能讓准媳婦了解兒子和婆婆我更深,讓他們的婚姻建立在更堅固的磐石上。 題目 (以下 “你”指母親,“我”指兒子) 1. 你覺得我生命中有那些強項,對我的婚姻很有幫助? 2. 你覺得我有那些可能會對婚姻造成挑戰的,需要改進和克服的弱點? 3. 如果讓你祇選一個婚姻的忠告送我(根據你自己失敗或成功的例子),那會是什麽? 爲什麽? 4. 在我踏上這個叫婚姻的冒險旅程時,下面這幾方面,你會給我什麽忠告?任選3-5 財務,溝通,性,丈夫/妻子的角色,承諾,幽默感,爲人父母,靈命的成長,生命的優先次序,工作 5. 在你的婚姻生活裏,最難以忘懷的相處經驗是什麽? 爲什麽 ?(只能選一個回憶) 6. 有沒有什麽對你有特殊意義的事情或東西,希望我們放在我們的婚禮儀式上? 7. 在我即將組成新家庭的前夕,你覺得我們之間的母子關係會有什麽改變? 8. 你希望我們節慶要怎麽安排? 9. 如果上帝給我們小孩,你希望有什麽樣程度的參與? 10. 你希望我們隨時可以當不速之客回家,還是先打個電話告知? 11. 你有特別希望我們婚後上那個教會嗎? 以下三題,“你” 指婆婆,“我” 指准媳婦 1. 你覺得我身上有什麽特質,讓你覺得我會是你兒子的理想伴侶? 2. 請給我一個關於你兒子的特別忠告,以便幫助我更能成爲他所需要的人生伴侶 3. 你希望我婚後怎麽稱呼你? **************************** Parental Questionnaire Answer the following questions as if your child is asking them. If you are unable to answer a question, feel free to move to the next one. 1. What strengths do you see in my life that will help me in marriage? 2. What weaknesses do you see in my life that will be a challenge for me to work on and overcome in my marriage? 3. If you could give me one piece of advice about marriage (based on what you did right or wrong), what would it be and why? 4. What is your best advice to me in the following areas as I embark on this new adventure called marriage? (Pick 3-5 that you would like to comment on.) - Finance: - Communication: - Sex: - Husband/Wife roles: - Commitment: - Humor: - Being a parent: - Spiritual growth: - Priorities in life: - Work: 5. If you could keep just one memory, one experience of time together in all your married life, what would it be and why? 6. Is there anything special or meaningful to you that you would like us to include in the wedding ceremony? 7. How do you anticipate that my relationship with you, as my parents, will change now that I am marrying and establishing a new family and home? 8. How would you want us to handle holidays? 9. If God gives us children, how involved would you like to be in their lives? 10. Would you like us to drop in unannounced or call before visiting? 11. Do you have any specific expectations about where we attend church? Answer these questions as if your future son-in-law or daughter-in-law is asking them: 1. What are some qualities you see in me, or know about me, that make you think I am the right person for your son/daughter to marry? 2. What unique and personal advice would you give me about your son/daughter that will help me be the life partner he/she needs? 3. How would you like for me to address you after we are married?
|
|
( 創作|散文 ) |