SOCIALISM 社會主義

You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor.

你有兩頭牛，把其中一頭送給鄰居。

COMMUNISM 共產主義

You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

你有兩頭牛。國家把兩頭都拿走，只給你一點牛奶。

FASCISM 法西斯主義

You have two cows. The State takes both then sells you some milk.

你有兩頭牛。國家把兩頭都拿走，回頭再把牛奶賣給你。

NAZISM 納粹主義

You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

你有兩頭牛。國家把兩頭都拿走，然後射殺你。

BUREAUCRATISM 官僚主義

You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

你有兩頭牛。國家把兩頭都拿走，殺死一頭，另外一隻送去擠奶，後來又把擠好的牛奶倒掉。

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM 傳統資本主義

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

你有兩頭牛。你把其中一隻賣了，買來一隻公牛。

你的牛不斷增加，經濟不斷成長。最後你把牛都賣了，拿著那些錢退休。

SURREALISM 超現實主義

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

你有兩隻長頸鹿。政府規定你要上口琴課。

AMERICAN CORPORATION 美國企業

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

你有兩頭牛。你把一頭賣掉，然後強迫另外一頭生產四倍的牛奶。

之後，你請了顧問來調查為什麼你的牛掛點了。

FRENCH CORPORATION 法國企業

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

你有兩頭牛。你罷工、發動暴亂、阻塞道路，因為你想要三頭牛。

JAPANESE CORPORATION 日本企業

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth of the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide.

你有兩頭牛。你改造牠們，所以牠們只有十分之一的大小，但是可以生產二十倍的牛奶。然後你設計一個乳牛造型的卡通人物叫 "Cowkimon" 並行銷全世界。

GERMAN CORPORATION 德國企業

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

你有兩頭牛。你改造牠們，讓牠們可以活 100 年，一個月吃一次東西，還會自己擠好牛奶。

ITALIAN CORPORATION 義大利企業

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

你有兩隻牛，但是你不知道牠們在哪裡。你決定放棄，乾脆出去吃午餐。

RUSSIAN CORPORATION 俄國企業

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have two cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka.

你有兩頭牛。你數了一下， 發現你有五頭牛。你再數一次，發現你有 42 頭牛。

你再數一次，結果變成兩頭牛。你放棄數牛了，於是打開另一瓶伏特加。

SWISS CORPORATION 瑞士企業

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

你這邊有 5000 頭牛，但是沒有一頭是你的。你向牛的主人們收儲存費。

IRAQI CORPORATION 伊拉克企業

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them you have none.

No one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

大家都覺得你有很多牛。你告訴他們，你連半隻都沒有。沒人相信你，所以大家把你轟炸得屁滾尿流然後入侵你的國家。

你還是沒有牛，但至少你現在是民主世界的一部分。

AUSTRALIA CORPORATION 澳洲企業

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

你有兩頭牛。生意似乎很好。為了慶祝，你把店關了，去外面喝兩杯。

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION 紐西蘭企業

You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

你有兩頭牛。左邊的那頭看起來很讚。

(註: 紐西蘭開車要靠左邊。)

BRITISH CORPORATION 英國企業

You have two cows. Both are mad.

你有兩頭牛。兩頭都瘋了 (mad cow disease = 狂牛症)　

INDIAN CORPORATION 印度企業

You have two cows. Your worship them.

你有兩頭牛。你膜拜牠們。

CHINESE CORPORATION 中國企業

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

你有兩頭牛。你派 300 個人擠牛奶。

對外，你宣稱零失業率還有高產量。

你把報導真相的記者逮捕了。

出處：台大批踢踢實業坊　作者：katako