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【作者╱黃玟君，本文選自眾文圖書之《學測指考英文作文─黃玟君教你高分寫作技巧》】

今日連載內容是接續前一次的98年度學測英文作文考題，以一篇學生的文章來進行單句解析，進而修改為一篇高分英文作文，全文解析請參考上回轉載。

1) There was a terrible earthquake happened a few days ago. 2) Many houses in this area falled down, also many people injured even died. 3) The officers of the government sent a search group and tried to uncover the underneath victims. 4) After three days of search they decided to give up. 5) Today a farmer goes by one of the houses and hears there is someone crying. 6) He looks around several times but still can’t find the victim.

7) The farmer calls for help and soon many people come by and try to rescue the victim. 8) One person decides to call the police and ask for help. 9) The police tell him that they will come as soon as possible and try their best to dig out the victim.

單句解析

我們來一一修正文法及字彙方面的錯誤：

1) There was a terrible earthquake happened a few days ago.

．這句話很明顯出現了兩個動詞，違反「一個句子只能有一個主詞、一個動詞」的原則，因此建議刪掉動詞之一的happened。

2) Many houses in this area falled down fell, also and many people were injured even died, with some even dying.

．「房子倒塌」的「倒塌」用fall即可，不需要用fall down，且fall的過去式應為fell。句子後半段的also many people injured even died 的寫法不佳，可用「對等連接詞」and，將所有欲表達的概念做一連結：(1) Many houses in this area fell, and (2) many were injured, with some even dying.。

3) The officers of the government Government officers sent in a search group crew and tried to uncover the underneath victims who were still underground.

．句中的the officers of the government （政府官員）可省略為government officers 或government officials。後面提到政府官員「派搜救小組進去」，英文的寫法應為sent in a search crew。句末提到「埋在下面的災民」，underneath victims的寫法不佳，應在 victims 的後面用關係代名詞who 來修飾，寫成victims who were still underground。

4) After three days of search searching they decided to give up.

．原文提到「經過三天的搜尋」(after three days of search)。這裡的「搜尋」需用動名詞 searching，當作介系詞of 的受詞，具名詞功用。若要使用原來的名詞search，則要寫成a three-day search，或如Sample 2 的第八句After a thorough search, he found...。

5) Today a farmer goes went by one of the houses and hears there is heard someone inside crying.

．這裡開始提到關於圖中的人物。雖然這句提到today，但因為所指的是「今天稍早已發生」的情況，因此仍須用過去式：goes by 改為went by，hears改為heard。本句hears 後面的there is someone crying 的寫法不佳，建議改為someone inside crying。

6) He looks looked around several times but still can't could not find the victim source.

．整句需改成過去式，且因為整篇文章總共出現四個victim（犧牲者），因此建議將這句最後的victim 改為source（源頭），表示農夫找不到哭聲的來源。

7) The farmer calls called for help and soon many people come by came and try tried to rescue the victim.

． 整句必須改成過去式。這句話的意思是「農夫請求幫忙，許多人迅速前來…」。「前來」是come，不是come by。come by 是「（從旁邊）經過」之意。

8) One person decides decided to call the police and to ask for help.

．應用過去式。句中decided to call ... and ask for... 的and 建議改成to（為了要?），雖然此處用and 與to 兩者皆可，不過to 的「目的性」較強：（其中一人）決定打電話，（目的是要）請求…。

9) The police tell told him that they will would come as soon as possible and try their best to dig out the victim. Upon hearing this, people on the site were relieved and started praying for the safety of the person.

． 原文應用過去式，句型結構如下：The police told him that they would (1) come ... and(2) try...。

．因為第二段的長度較第一段短了許多，建議再加上一句話作為結尾：Upon hearing this, people on the site were relieved and started praying for the safety of the person.（一聽到這個消息，現場民眾都鬆了一口氣，開始為災民的安全祈禱。）用the safety of the person，而不用the safety of the victim，同樣是為了避免重複。

文章結構

我們來看看修改後的文章結構：

第一段

主題句

‧ There was a terrible earthquake a few days ago.

發展句

‧ Many houses fell, and many were injured, with some even dying.

‧ Government officers sent in a search crew to uncover victims.

‧ A farmer went by one of the houses and heard someone inside crying.

第二段

主題句

‧ The farmer called for help.

發展句

‧ Many people came to rescue the victim.

‧ One person called the police, and the police would come soon.

結論句

‧ People started praying for the safety of the person.

參考範文

根據解析及修改後的文章結構，瞧瞧文章是不是通順許多：

There was a terrible earthquake a few days ago. Many houses in this area fell, and many were injured, with some even dying. Government officers sent in a search crew and tried to uncover victims who were still underground. After three days of searching they decided to give up. Today a farmer went by one of the houses and heard someone inside crying. He looked around several times but still could not find the source.

The farmer called for help and soon many people came and tried to rescue the victim. One person decided to call the police to ask for help. The police told him that they would come as soon as possible and try their best to dig out the victim. Upon hearing this, people on the site were relieved and started praying for the safety of the person