When I walked out of the house yesterday in the early evening, a sudden gust of wind and dark clouds moved in, the threat of a heavy rain fall was in the air.   I hesitated for a moment before I got into my car.   It was not in my best interest to drive toward an approaching storm, but I promised to be there.   While I was driving I actually had doubts about my own wisdom that I chose to keep my promise over my own safety!  

The rain came down hard, and the wind was blowing furiously across the highway.  But, the sun behind the clouds in the west was in full strength shinning through the thin clouds almost blinding my eyes, if I didn’t have the shade from the car and my sun glasses.   What a contrast of the surrounding I was in – driving in the storm and the brightest sunshine was on the west side in front of me.   It felt like I was in the battle field and knowing victory was not far away, as long as I kept battling this darkness, I would reach safety.

A few miles before my highway exit, the rain stopped and multiple pastel colors became visible on the east side of the highway in front of me.    I couldn’t’ believe it!  Is that what I thought it was?    The curving band of colors became alive against the gray blue sky.   OH! YES!   I was driving toward the RAINBOW!

I couldn’t remember where and when it was the last time I saw a rainbow.   Suddenly, the feeling of gratitude for my life was floating into my heart in full force.   It’s a seemingly stupid action that keeping my word and driving into a storm had such a reward!    It almost seemed to remind me that I do have a wonderful life, I do create a good life for myself, and I am who I want to be (but not completely yet).   Maybe, it’s not as splendid or as wonderful as I want or wish for, but I have more than most people in every way, I have my own independence, and I am alive!

Before I turned away from the rainbow and exited the highway, the last verse of Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” filled the car.  How appropriate!

I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It’s life’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know life at all

It’s life’s illusions that I recall

I really don’t know life

I really don’t know life at all

written in July/2011