An encrypted, ambiguous, text message told me you passed away unexpectedly!

WHAT!?  HOW?

A very long silence gap….

“Late for work, call later”

The three hours’ time difference became the obstacle of my quest for answer.

The waiting was excruciating!

Sitting at my desk, didn’t know where to put my hands, didn’t know what to type on the key board, and didn’t know what to think……..

Died? Gone?  How could this be?

The last conversation on Skype was playing in my mind –

“Happy Birthday!”

“You are three months late!”

“I just saw it in on Skype, at least I said it!”

“Where have you been?” ……

Only a real friend would tell me off!  You wouldn’t let me get away with a late HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISH! You were such a lively person!  Only decades and decades’ memories are left with me now! 

I was your bridesmaid!  Remember? 

AMBULANCE NEVER CAME – you died in the arms of the one who truly loved “you”!

I don’t know the ambulance would have saved your life or not.  But, I was glad you did not pass away in the hand of strangers, or with the cool medical equipment on/in you.

You were looking at the one person who loved you at the last moment of your life.  I felt better knowing that!

Can’t say goodbye yet! Can’t feel you are gone from this life time! 

I am wondering what we will be when we meet again through our coexisting karmic relationship in the next life time!  I know I want to have a friend like “you” – a loyal, truthful, and vibrant friend!

Hope, you will want to have “me” also!

Last night! We were talking, laughing and crying on SKYPE – you would love it!

You left us more laughter than sadness!  Yes! That’s the way I want to remember you.

I promised:

I will live my life fully!  

I will not let the illness bring me down! 

I will remember your kick butt attitude, when I am sad!

I will be a better friend to others!

I will not stay in my shell anymore!

I will not take others nonsense anymore!

I will keep dancing and remembering the sound of your laugh!

I will remember how much you love my riding picture, when I ride!

I will gallop through the prairie with the wind one day, as the dream I have described to you!

I will make an effect to get together with everyone in our “little circle” more!

I will not ignore the “green” light on Skype anymore!
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Still can’t say goodbye…..

December, 2014

The last goodbye