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| 2008/10/04 12:11:43瀏覽2353｜回應3｜推薦21 | |
| 何凡先生是典型的文人作家，篤信文章報國。用一支筆寫出一篇又一篇的專欄文章，針砭時事。由於大學主修英文，翻譯也是一等好手。最值得敬佩的是何凡先生的恆心與毅力，幾十年來如一日，從不間斷寫作。 包可華，Mr. Art Buchwald，美國著名幽默專欄作家，他的文章内容具為諷刺美國政治社會現象。 美國的每一位總統都是包可華批評諷刺的對象，....美國人的生活，思想更是他不放鬆的題材。他冷眼旁觀，細心編造，誇大描寫，來諷刺他的同胞的愚昧，狂妄和天真的種種形象，看起來逼真，想起來好笑。使美國讀者覺得指出了他們的弱點，搔到了他們的癢處，不由得拍案叫絕說：「他媽的，包可華這傢伙真叫逗！」......包可華的專欄通常每篇譯成中文不過一千字左右，使忙碌的讀者不覺得長，真是受歡迎的原因之一。而文字簡練，開門見山，有引人入勝，一口氣看完的力量。對話幽默俏皮，是他的文章主題。——何凡，我譯包可華專欄 下面文章，英文選自“I Never Danced At The White House”，中文選自“包可華專欄第四集” 黑手黨出版公司 黑手黨現在成爲美國的一個大企業。每一本關於黑手黨的書都被搶購一空。”教父“這部影片預計可以收入一億餘元。就連糟糕的片子如“大時代”，票房都大賺其錢。美國人像是對於任何關於暴徒的書籍，電影，電視或報上文章都有很大的胃口。 在這種黑手黨熱中唯一沒有得到好處的，是那些黑手黨暴徒，這使得全美國各”家族的人“十分驚愕。上個月在紐約州北部大盟會召開會議，看看有什麽應付的辦法。 新英格蘭家族的薩爾瓦多·馬斯垂拉說：『所有書籍出版家，報館跟電影公司都利用我們發了財。我們還真是聰明人，可是人人把我們胡扯一陣。這本來是”我們的事情“，可是我們沒有撈到一文錢。』 加里佛尼亞州黑手黨頭目周色夫·范納提里說：『你說得對，他們是剝削我們。我們拼出性命經營賭博，毒品和娼妓，可是有些正經人把我們的故事賣給出版家撈到五十萬元，甚至連一本書都不送給我們。』 馬斯垂拉說：『這是組織該為美國的黑手黨收錢的時候了。現在我有一個計劃，我們應當成立自己的文藝部門。』 『偉大的計劃，』水牛城的“水泥腳“裘伊·馬基諾說。『我們怎麽辦呢？』 『第一，我們成立一個名叫”黑手黨企業“的公司。我們登記下這個名字，以後任何人不得我們的同意不能使用它，然後請我們的人寫書提供給出版家，我們告訴他們：「你要關於黑手黨的書，我們給你們一本關於黑手黨的書。」這是直接的資料。於是他們跟我們簽訂合約。』 『合約？』布郎克司家族的”扁鼻子“乾菠蘿說。『我們簽約幹掉出版家？』 『不是，你這笨蛋！』馬斯垂拉說。『合約是簽了字的一張紙，那上面說出版家會為出書給我們錢。』 『我沒聽説過有這樣的合約。』乾菠蘿說。 馬斯垂拉不理他，接著說：『現在，我們有了拍片權，出書權，上電視權跟汗衫上印字權。如果他們要用這本書拍電影，一定要來找我們。我們以一百萬元賣出拍片權，並且提供技術顧問，每天一千元。』 『我有一個問題，』范納提里說：『如果我們寫了一本關於黑手黨的書，可是布郎克司家族把他們的書先賣給電影公司，我們怎麽辦？』 馬斯垂拉說：『這問得對。我們把美國分割，紐約家族跟派拉蒙交易，底特律家族跟米高梅交易，新英格蘭家族只能把故事賣給哥倫比亞公司。加里佛尼亞家族找二十世紀福斯公司，紐奧良家族把他們的拍片權賣給華特狄斯奈。』 『喂，華特狄斯奈不拍黑手黨影片！』紐奧爾良的卡洛·郎哥說。 『那是你的事，郎哥。你要提出一個他們不能拒絕的建議。』 范納提里說，『我喜歡這個計劃。事實上我太太早就叫我把我的故事寫出來了。她說那會比她看過的小説都好。』 馬斯垂拉說：『好，現在大家都同意了。我們散會以後就去寫小説。我不要髒亂的稿子，出版家喜歡乾乾淨淨的。也不准偷別人的故事。哪一個傢伙被抓到偷旁人的故事，就自動成爲"月屍會"的候補。』 MAFIA, INC. The Mafia is becoming one of the major industries in the United States. Every book on the Mafia sells like hot cakes. The Godfather is expected to gross more than $100,000,000. Even a lousy film like The Valachi Papers is cleaning up at the box office. The American people seem to have an insatiable appetite for any book, film, TV show, or newspaper article on the mob. The only one that has not cashed in on this Mafia mania is the mob itself and this has caused a great deal of consternation among the members of the “families” throughout the United States. A meeting was called last month at the Loew’s Cosa Nostra in upstate New York to see if something could be done. Salvatore Mastrella of the New England family said, “All the book publishers, newspapers, and movie companies have been making a fortune out of us. We’re supposed to be smart guys, and we’re getting ripped off by everyone. This is ‘our thing’, and we haven’t made a dime on it.” Joseph Fanatelli, the don of the California Mafia, said, “You can say that again. They’re exploiting us. “We risk our necks in numbers, dope and prostitution and some straight guy sells our story to a publisher for five hundred thousand dollars. And they don’t even send us a free book.” Mastrella said, “It’s about time the syndicate started to cash in on the Mafia craze in the country. Now this is my plan. We have to have our own literary department.” “Thatsa great idea,” said Joey “Cement Feet” Magino of Buffalo. “How do we do it?” “First,” said Mastrella, “we set up a corporation called Mafia Enterprises. We copyright the name so no one can use it without our permission. Then we start offering books written by our own people to the publishers. We tell them, ‘You want a book on the Mafia, we’ll give you a book on the Mafia.’ It will be straight from the horse’s mouth. Then they give us a contract.” “A contract?” Flat Nose Gambollo of the Bronx family said.”We are going to put a contract out on the publisher?” “No, you stupid jerk,” Mastrella said. “A contract is a signed piece of paper saying the publisher will pay us for the book.” “I never heard of a contract like that,” Gambollo said. Mastrella ignored him. “Now we keep the movie rights, the pocketbook rights, TV rights, and the sweat-shirt rights. If they want to make a movie of the book they have to come to us. We sell the movie rights for a million dollars and provide technical advisers for a thousand dollars a day.” “I gotta question,” said Don Fanatelli. “Suppose we gotta book about the Mafia and the Bronx family sells their book to the movies first. How we gonna worka that out?” Mastrella said, “That’s a good question. We divide the country up. The New York family deals with Paramount, the Detroit family deals with MGM, the New England family can sell their story only to Columbia Pictures, the California family works with Twentieth Century-Fox, and New Orleans family sells their movie rights to Walt Disney.” “Hey!” Carlo Longo of New Orleans said. “Walt Disney don’t do no Mafia pictures.” “Thatsa your problem, Longo. You have to make them an offer they can’t refuse.” Fanatelli said, “I like the plan. As a matter of fact, my wife has been wanting me to write my story for a long time now. She says it’s better than any fiction she’s read.” Mastrella said, “Okay, it’s agreed upon. When we leave here, we go to our typewriters. And I don’t want any messy manuscripts. Publishers like neatness. And no stealing each other’s stories. Any guy who gets caught swiping another mob’s anecdotes is automatically a candidate for the Corpse-of-the-Month club.” ----------------------- 電影教父主題曲 God Father Theme |
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