LEARNING TO FORGIVE

 One has to for-give both him or herself and one’s partner.  There has to redemption.  Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.

原諒不代表遺忘

"....Forgiving oneself and one’s partner. The betrayed partner must forgive himself or herself for, among other things, blaming him-self or herself for the partner’s betrayal; for being naïve, ignoring one’s suspicions, tolerating the partner’s excuses for unacceptable behavior in order to preserve the relationship; having a poorly developed self-concept; and contributing to the partner’s dissatisfaction at home.

The unfaithful partner must forgive herself or himself for feeling so needy; for exposing one’s partner to life threatening disease; for blaming one’s partner for one’s own dissatisfaction; and for failing to confront one’s partner with one’s essential needs...."

我並不打算原諒我自己, 畢竟最大的錯誤在我自己, 沒有人逼我, 是我自己造成的局面, 只要能稍稍撫平阿本的傷痛, 就算是一點點, 我都願意去做, 我不會退縮

(我甚麼都很懶, 就是面對感情特別執著...是弱點, 可是我沒辦法)

CONCLUSION

An affair can serve as a new beginning for couples that wish to rebuild their relationship on a new foundation.  Just as a house that has been damaged by a tornado can often be rebuilt to be stronger and more enduring than it was, so can a relationship that has been damaged by an affair.  It requires that the individuals involved make a whole-hearted commitment to do whatever is necessary to rebuild the trust, love, and intimacy between them.  This rebuilding takes time and patience.  Similar to rebuilding house, there is a lot of debris that needs to be cleaned up and sorted through before the actual building can occur.  Most often, it requires outside consultation.  It is not a process that can be undertaken lightly, and expert advice is necessary.

復合之路會出現很多大大小小的瘡疤, 他的情緒一定會時好時壞, 因為痛苦,因為想到過去會很心痛, 對他一定非常不容易, 我不要求他遺忘這些, 因為根本不可能忘記, 只是如果能有再一次彌補的機會, 我會小心翼翼的呵護這段易碎的感情, 這段感情對我來說實在太重要, 我不認為自己還能再愛誰像愛他這樣.