My teaching leader at the Bible Study Fellowship is someone I admire tremendously. She is a beautiful woman with a great sense of humor. Quite contrary to how I had perceived the typical Christian women leaders--dressed conservatively, always quoting Scriptures, and have a mellow personality, Kelli has a distinct style of her own. Speaking with a slight Southern accent, she is articulate, vibrant, and always full of zeal for God. The task of shepherding 500 women by speaking week after week is no less than that of a pastor of a medium-size church, and yet Kelli does it so beautifully and humbly.
Every week Kelli would use illustrations to help us understand what a particular Bible passage means and give life applications or spiritual principles for us to practice. This past week we studied Isaiah 10 where the prophet warned Judah how God in His sovereignty could use peoples, nations or events in history to refine His own people and accomplish His purposes. In Chapter 10 we see how Assyria prided herself in conquering and destroying Jerusalem without realizing that she was merely an instrument being used by God.
"You can be used by God, but never have a relationship with Him." Kelli said. Those words resonated with me the whole day. We can be used by God, but never have a part with Him.
For a long time, I had prayed that God would use me for His purposes. With my background and training, I thought I could do great things for Him. There were opportunities that came along where I felt I could rise to the occasion and just shine for God. Little did I see my own pride and arrogance just like the Assyrian and I had mistaken my self-inflated image as a willing servant of the Lord. I got it all wrong. He is my Heavenly Father who cares about "me" first before what I can do for Him. I could be so passionate and wrapped up in boasting the work that I can do for Him, glorifying myself what an excellent servant I am, but without the personal relationship with Him, all this work means N-O-T-H-I-N-G in His eyes just like Assyria was no more than being a useful instrument by God .
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