|字體：小 中 大|
作者：法蘭茲．卡夫卡 (Franz Kafka)
我不想 (米蓮娜，幫幫我！當我說話時，希望您理解我更深一些！)，我不要 (這並不是口吃) 前往維也納，因為我無法忍受精神上的極度緊張。我的精神處於病態，肺病不過是精神疾病漫上了堤岸。……
So now for the explanation I promised yesterday:
I don’t want (Milena, help me! Understand more than I am saying) I don’t want (this isn’t stuttering) to come to Vienna, because I couldn’t stand the mental stress. I am spiritually ill, my lung disease is nothing but an overflowing of my spiritual disease.
You see, Milena, I’m lying on the deck chair in the morning, naked, half in the sun half in the shade, after an almost sleepless night; how could I have slept since I—who am too light for sleep—was constantly flying around you, and since I really was afraid (just as you wrote today) about “what had fallen into my lap,” afraid the way they describe the prophets…
This crisscrossing of letters has got to stop, Milena, it’s driving us crazy, one doesn’t know what one has written, what has been answered, and in any case one is in constant trepidation. I understand your Czech very well, I also hear your laughter but I keep digging into your letters, burrowing between your words and your laughter—until I then hear one single word, one word which is, moreover, my very essence: fear.
Early this morning I had another dream about you. We were sitting next to each other and you were warding me off, not angrily but in a friendly way. I was very unhappy. Not because you were warding me off, but because I was treating you like some mute woman, ignoring the voice that was speaking out of you directly to me. Or perhaps I wasn’t ignoring it, but just unable to answer. I left more disconsolate than in the first dream.
At the same time something occurs to me I once read at somebody’s house, something like this: “My beloved is a fiery column passing over the earth. Now it is holding me enclosed. But it does not guide those who are enclosed, just those who see.”
(now I’m even losing my name—it was getting shorter and shorter all the time and is now: Yours)
|( 知識學習｜隨堂筆記 )|