【一】

One day, the chemistry teacher asked his students, "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Silly Suzie immediately raised her hand.
"Yes, Suzie, what's the answer?", the teacher asked.
Suzie answered proudly, "The chemical formula for water is 'HIJKLMNO'!"
Her teacher looked confused. He asked, "What are you talking about?"
Suzie replied, "Yesterday you said the formula for water is H to O!"

【二】

In this life there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will be rich or poor.
If you are rich, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you are poor, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will be healthy or sick.
If you are healthy, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you are sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will live or you will die.
If you live, there is nothing to worry about.
If you die there are only two things to worry about.
You will either go to heaven or to hell.
If you go to heaven, there will be nothing to worry about.
If you go to hell, you'll be so darn busy shaking hands with all your friends,
you won't have time to worry!
SO WHY WORRY?

【三】

剛上幼稚園的小明放學回家，向爸爸炫耀他的畫作。
爸爸：「真漂亮！很像畫家。」
小明笑爸爸：「我不是畫家，我是畫學校。」

【四】

寒假作業就是：你寫一個月，老師寫一個閱。

【五】

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

【六】

中國人一直說西方人太隨便，初次見面就能上床；
西方人一直說中國人太隨便，上一次床就要結婚。

【七】《歇後語》

蝙蝠身上插雞毛 ─ 你算什麼鳥
蒼蠅採蜜 ─ 裝瘋（蜂）
茶壺裡的水 ─ 滾開
大火燒竹林 ─ 一片光棍
伙房兵行軍 ─ 替人背黑鍋
從河南到湖南 ─ 難上加難
吃飽了的牛肚子 ─ 草包
裁縫不帶尺 ─ 存心不量（良）
百家姓去掉趙 ─ 開口就是錢
鼻孔喝水 ─ 夠嗆
車禍 ─ 乘人之危
唱戲的腿抽筋 ─ 下不了臺
擦粉進棺材 ─ 死要面子
二十一天不出雞 ─ 壞蛋
有大哥有二弟 ─ 你算老幾
芝麻地裡撒黃豆 ─ 雜種
吊死鬼打粉插花 ─ 死不要臉
茅廁裡題詩 ─ 臭秀才
茅房裡打燈籠 ─ 照屎（找死）
狗咬叫花子 ─ 畜牲也欺人
盲人拉琴 ─ 瞎扯

【八】

思想就像內褲，要有，但不能逢人就證明你有。

【九】

天才與白癡最大的差別在於～天才有其極限！

【十】

兩個已婚男人在一起交流婚後心得。
老王：「我老婆可能到了更年期了，特別健忘，經常提著菜刀還滿屋子找菜刀，有的時候我真受不了她。」
老劉：「你的處境比我好多了，我老婆經常是提著菜刀滿屋子找我。」

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