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| 2010/07/22 21:34:48瀏覽673｜回應0｜推薦1 | |
與人交談要七上八下 林富松 雖然新書充斥(因為不斷買), 但是偶而翻閱舊書也會挖掘到寶藏。這兩天我突然翻閱兩本三十年前 Reader’s Digest 出版的好書, 一本是“Use the Right Word” , 另一本為” Write Better, Speak Better”. “Use the Right Word” 是一本談同義字(synonym) 用法的好書, 但是該書用來解釋用字的句子可是精挑細選, 遣詞用句均頗優美, 相形之下, 有部份中譯反顯柪口難讀, 如 “ once-lovely countryside absorbed by urban sprawl.”(p.1) 譯成“ 給擴張的城市併吞了的曾是可愛的郊野” 怎麼會是這樣的中文？ 是不是該寫成 “ 這曾是可愛的郊野, 如今已被擴張的城市併吞” ? “ a soldier who refused to be blindly obedient to the commands of an ignorant superior whose only saving grace was a kind of fatherly good will.”(p.658), 譯成 “ 拒絕盲目服從一個唯一可取之處就是有一種慈祥的善意的無知長官的命令的士兵”, 奇怪, 我印象中讀者文摘的文字, 簡潔清晰, 通暢不拖泥帶水, 該書怎面目全非？不知該書有無修正版, 如此中英搭配實在美中不足。但是又不全然如此, 像 “ It is preposterous that virtue should go unrewarded while vice goes unpunished .” 就譯成 “ 為德不得獎, 為惡不受罰, 實在荒繆絕倫” , 不是很棒嗎？又像 “ It is ridiculous to judge a foreign culture by its plumbing.” 譯成 “ 憑水管來判斷一種外國文化的高低, 未免可笑。” 也尚能接受(其實文化只是一種描述, 沒有高低之分)。還有 “ It is irrational to expect an adult reaction from a child. (期望小孩會有成年人的反應是不合情理的); “ irrational” 這個字說成“不合理的” 就行了。 “ A feeling of depression attends many illnesses. 也是挺好的搭配字呢！attend 指的是 “引起”。 “Write better, Speak better” 這本書的寫作目的非常吸引人, “ Your verbal ability is among the most important skills you possess. Throughout your life, in all kinds of situations from the classroom to the board room, people from their opinions of you on the basis of how you speak and how you write. Understanding how to use words effectively can bring you increased confidence and pave your way to success in school, in business, in your social life---- in every area where communication is important.” 這本書不僅文字暢順有力, 更結合專家觀點, 內容非常翔實, 比如談到The secret of conversation, 與人交談應注意什麼？如果你想成為受人歡迎的健談者(interesting conversationalist), 該書提出七上八下(seven ways to be a good conversationalist and eight big donts in conversation)供讀者參考, 因為與人交談有相當部份係個人的表達(self-expression), 也提供機會讓我們主張個人想法(providing opportunities for asserting our individuality), 告訴別人我們的感受(telling the world how we feel), 所以, 能與人交談不僅賞心悅目, 更是彌足珍貴(pleasurable and valuable)。 與人交談最大的好處還有很多, 例如彙集資訊(pooling of information), 分享興趣(sharing interests), 集思廣義(bringing together of ideas)。但值得注意的是, 與人交談乃是雙向的事情, 所以牽涉到 “ 施與受”(give and take), 雙方的回應。曾有學者對一群大學生作調查, 問到他們與人交談時最困擾之事, 他們的回答並不提談話題材, 而是交談者的態度(the attitudes of people), 我所說的七上, 是指七項值得學習的方式, 八下則是需要避免的態度, 所謂七上係指: (1) 要有熱忱, 有興趣(Be interested) 不僅只對其中你所熟悉之人, 對所有參與之人皆一視同仁, Let your gaze move from eye to eye. 注視每位參與者的目光, 照顧那些狀似不自在的成員, pick out the person who hasn’t said much, who looks ill at ease, and make a special point of talking to him. (2) 要和藹可親(Be friendly) 交談如果碰到某些狀況就會顯得意態闌珊, 熱度遞減, 比如你批評現場某個人, 嘲諷其貢獻, 或顯現對某人不以為然的態度。 (3) 以愉悅, 幽默, 笑容進行(Be cheerful, good–humored, smile) 以愉快的方式說話, 把你那悲劇的面具留在家裡(Leave your tragic mask at home), Don’t try to get people to gather round by exhibiting what a hurt, misunderstood soul you are. 誰喜歡與受傷, 被誤解的靈魂周旋？ (4) 活潑而不放肆, 嚴肅而不呆板(Be animated, and yet relaxed) 你應該用表情與姿勢展現活生生的你, 當然要看情況而定, 不要太過火。 (5) 保持彈性, 隨時變換話題(Be flexible) 話題會隨情況發展而改變, 眾人心情亦同, 別一成不變, 以免交談無味。 (6) 說話沈穩, 反應機智(Be tactful) 過去我們常說三思而後言, 其實是建議說話寧可先思考, 而非說完才去善後。這才是機智的本質(essence of tactfulness)。別去碰觸別人的敏感話題(sensitive spots)以免產生困擾。 (7) 彬彬有禮(Be courteous) 當然, 禮多人不怪, 待人有禮自然使人有如浴春風之感。 接下來我們談八下, 就是指應該避免的態度, 今分述如下： (1) 別說教(Don’t be dogmatic) 避免使用武斷說教之語, 譬 如 “ 所有的政治人物都是貪腐的”(All politicians are corrupt.); “天下男人都一樣壞” (All men are evil.) 儘量避免用 “all” 或 “always”, 不妨用 “some” 及 “sometimes” 。“ Learn the face-saving and argument-avoiding” 別忘了, 面子是別人給的, 臉卻是自己丟的。所以, 絕對要給他人留後路, 使人有台階可下(A good painter is never cornered.) (2) 勿妄自尊大(Don’t be condescending) 過於自大, 目中無人, 很快會被人孤立, 所以, “There are better amusements than sitting alone looking down one’s nose.” (3) 勿陷入爭論(Don’t be argumentative) 世人愛看爭鬥, 然而爭鬥於事無補, Do not argue for argument’s sake. 如果你不同意, 就像 Robert Louis Stevenson 說的 “ 和藹的對手” (amicable adversary) , 不是很好嗎？有時理直, 未必要氣 壯。 (4) Don’t be lifeless. (別過於寡言) 別讓對方承擔太大的負擔, 他也想得到你的迴響, The other fellow expects to get some response from you to his witticism. Don’t force him to carry the entire burden of the talking. 交談其實是至少兩個人以上的遊戲。 (5) Don’t be insincere.(別無誠意) 更別流於虛偽。Praise people, but don’t overpraise them. Don’t gush. Don’t be fulsome. 別過度諠染, 誇大其詞。言語宜適中, praise the right thing. (6) Don’t be egocentric(別太自我中心, 自我膨脹) 你當然可以適當表達你的看法, 發抒你的意見, but don’t think that the universe revolves about you, 大談讓人受不了的話題, 比如 “Inflation and me”, “ the supreme court and me”, “the decimal and me” 如此不著邊際的大言。 (7) Don’t aim to be “ the life of the party”. (說笑為輔, 勿過於強調) 西方人特別強調幽默的重要, 但有時也會走過了頭, They admire the wonderful storyteller, the brilliant wit, the character whose infectious humor keeps the party convulsed with laughter. But they shouldn’t let their admiration lead them into thinking that their every remark must be a joke, that the chief goal of conversation is laughter. Good conversation can be serious as well gay. 這是否有點 cultural difference(文化差異) , 恐怕需進一步觀察。Convulsed with laughter 是指笑得人仰馬翻。 (8) Don’t be a numbler.(別成為喃喃自語的人) 當然, 如果說話聲音太小, 自言自語, 別人聽不到, 問題就大了,“Speak clearly, speak up. Before a remark can be understood, before a question can be answered, before a joke can be laughed at, it must be heard, and it must be intelligent.”
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