It has been a while since last time I was blasting about being judgmental at work. My conscious decision was to not to be judgmental about the care that the patient is seeking or the family is expecting to get. It has been working out well especially after I have encountered the judgments from my own family doctor.

My own judgment day has finally come.

When Mary Ann, the medical assistant in Dr. Bragman's office, told me that my doctor would like to see me before he could write any more refills for my blood pressure medications, I knew I could not get away with it this time. Dr. Bragman is TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME. And the problem is...? Of course you think this can not be an affecting factor to the doctor and patient relationship. Hmm, think twice. He is EVERYTHING I have been dreading to see him. Just to look at his beautiful face makes me feel inadequate and speechless. And I HATE the way I have felt about him.

" How are you, Purr?" Dr. Bragman said. "This is BULLSHIT! Just give me what I want! and I'll get out of here in no time.You know perfectly well that I'm doing fine." I totally felt like a drug abuser in front of him. I was screaming inside. "I am fine, Doc." I politely said to him with a smile. I felt like a hypocrit.

"....lets see how your blood pressure goes..." He grabbed my left arm. I felt my arm became so rigid all of a sudden. "...It was good. 120/90. Mary Ann just did it." I was still fighting. "....hmm, I think we have a problem here." He said. Problem? I think having YOU as my family doctor has been my REAL problem.

"You need to lose some weight." he looked at me straight into the eyes. Now it started feeling like it was personal. Also EMBARRASSED AND SHAMED. "Lose weight?" All I can do was to repeat like a parrot.

"Would you like to try some weight control pills? We have...." he continued. Wait a second. All of a sudden I saw a red flag. This guy meant it. "I know I am a big girl. But I truely do not think I am at the point that I need medications...." I started. "...Besides, last time...2 years ago I WAS on your trial weight control pills. I did not lose any weight but became very bitchy, bloated and insomniac...." Boy, I can go on and on about it.

"What did you take? We have &&** and #$% now. They are both FDA approved." JESUS CHRIST. You told me that your medications are FDA approved and I should be taking them WITHOUT any hesitations? And I was supposed to get a big stroke before I could lose some lousy couple pounds?! I DON'T THINK SO.

"....I don't care if you go to a weight watcher or to be on medications...." he was still on and on. "...you are high-risk. Especially after 40...." NOW STOP IT RIGHT THERE. "Why don't you give a DNR form so that I will NOT die in your office..." I started feeling angry. "No, this is not acceptable. Give me a timeframe. When are you coming back to weigh in? How about a month?" Wait a F*CKING second here, shall we? I DO NOT want to lose any weight at this moment. I DO NOT want to come in a month or 2 months or EVER to weigh in. How is that acceptable?

Maybe being fat is MY business. It is MY choice to make. Being a doctor, you do NOT make me a choice or being judgmental for the lifestyle I chose. This is ALL I have to say.

P.S. I have been wondering why he didn't tell me I needed a gastric bypass. OIC, he is not a surgeon. ....B*TCH!