帥吧? 這是我的兒子, Ivan.  

別懷疑. 他確實是我的兒子,雖然不是我血統上的兒子.十多年前我領洗後三個月內就在天主的祝福下成了他的代父(God Father).經上不是說:「不是血統上的子女，算是天主的子女，而是藉恩許所生的子女，纔算為真後裔」(羅9:8)嗎?

回想起十五年前,我在堂區十多位教友的「伴讀」下,在慕道班快三年了,仍然頑石不點頭的堅持著我的無神論.但是天主用了各種不同的記號讓我看見祂的臨在. Ivan 的誕生,就是這其中的一樁.

年滿十四歲的他,在就讀的天主教學校,經過了兩年的準備課程,今天(2009年5月2日)在學校所屬的堂區莊嚴的領受了「堅振聖事」.

天主教信仰中七件聖事之一的「堅振聖事」,有如一場接受聖神洗禮的「成人禮」,表示已經可以擔任基督門徒和見証人的角色了.在這值得紀念與慶祝的重要日子,我給兒子Ivan寫了這封信.

(因為Ivan像我女兒一樣,是個中文文盲的小ABC -- America Born Chinese,這封信的原文是英文寫的.)

親愛的Ivan,

恭喜你領受了堅振聖事.作為你的代父,是我的喜悅與榮幸,雖然我很慚愧,沒有善盡代父的職責.

成為你的代父絕非偶然.多年以前,我寫過一篇關於你出生的文章,其中也敘述了我成為你代父的原由.

因為這篇文章是用中文寫的,我只能盡力將文章的大意翻譯成英文與你分享.我寫這封信的原因是要讓你知道,天主如何在你出生前就已在你的生命中.

下面就是這篇文章:

你們求,必要給你們 (母親的故事之一)

　　　那時候在慕道班,仗著自己多年來練就的牙尖舌利、歪理通達,總愛無風起浪,挑釁鬥嘴.對於那眾多充當「伴讀侍郎」的教友,在辭窮理盡之際就祭出的「託付天主」、「仰賴耶穌」之類的擋箭法寶,自是不屑一駁.君豈不知,人定勝天,古有明訓.縱或一時力有未迨,亦當如希臘神話中與天神博鬥,明知無法達於峰頂仍不斷推動巨石的薛佛西斯,知其不可為而為之.藉詞鬼神、阿Ｑ自許,豈非辱沒祖宗、枉讀洋書!如此淺顯易見的道理,在教堂芸芸眾生之中,卻唯有小干弟兄能與我沆瀣一氣.

　　　小干當年與蒞莉號稱「金童玉女」,集年輕、美貌、才華於一身,誰不稱羨?小倆口子,人在福中,卻偏要自尋煩惱,數年來遍尋清宮秘方、華佗扁鵲,只為要個後代.一向主張「兩個太多,一個不少,沒有剛好」的我,對於蒞莉,無法厚責.女人嘛!年紀一到,荷爾蒙作祟,不混個「母親」的頭銜,總會覺得面上無光.但那小干,既是毛主席用黨的奶水養大的,又怎的聽信了蔣委員長的「生命的目的,在創造宇宙繼起之生命」的訓示,擺著好端端的「頂客族」(DINK - Double Income No Kids)不幹,一心要往奶瓶尿布中去?一次慕道班中,談到耶穌說的:「你們求,沒有不給你們的」,蒞莉淡淡的表示,對於兒女之事她不再祈求了.從她眼框中強忍的淚光,我看到的不是「完全交託」的喜樂,卻是「心灰意冷」的無奈.旁邊一位姐妹輕攬著她說:「你再向天父求,就像小孩子撒嬌一樣的,不斷的求,耍賴的求!」蒞莉低頭不語,但是她的眼神中閃過一絲恢復的信心.三個星期後,蒞莉迫不及待的穿上了寬鬆的孕婦裝,開心的指著她那外形上仍絲毫未見變化的腹部取笑我:「如過你肯領洗,這個孩子就認你作代父.」對蒞莉的無稽之談,我只能仰首大笑道:「那可是認賊作父哪!」

　　　神父為蒞莉懷中剛滿月的奕昀(Ivan)灑了聖水,因父、及子、及聖神之名的為他施洗後,我以代父的身分在他額上畫十字聖號時,心中不斷的迴響著:「你們求,必要給你們﹔你們找,必要找著﹔你們敲,必要給你們開」.　

後記:為此文時,奕昀已近三歲,蒞莉正預備入院生女.謹將我往日的「家庭計劃」口號略作修正,為蒞莉賀:「兩個不太多,一個不算少,沒有也還好」

(註: 我在1994年11月,你出生前的幾個月,因為天主顯給我的一個大奇蹟,讓我無法再加以抗拒,而領洗成為基督徒.這是另外一個故事,將來我再與你分享.這篇文章寫於1997年,蒞莉要入院生第二胎 --你的妹妹時).

                                           愛你的代父,代母       

Dear Ivan,

Congratulations on your day of Confirmation. It has always been such a joy and honor to be your Godfather, although I am ashamed that I have not done my God parent’s duty better.

It was not by coincident that I became your Godfather. Many years ago, I wrote an article a story about your birth and how I became your Godfather.

Since it was written in Chinese, I will try my best to translate the essence to English for you to read. The reason I do so today is to let you know how God has been in your life even before you were born.

The story titled "Ask and it will be given to you” follows:

At that time, I was a non-believer. Using my eloquent atheist debating skills, I always managed to embarrass my faithful RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adult) teachers and sponsors, for they could never give me a satisfying answer regarding God. I believed that it was a shame for an educated person to believe in a God that did not exist. Out of all the people in church who I knew, only George Gan was my comrade.

George and Lily Gan were the youngest couple in the church. They were young, beautiful, and talented. They were the envy of everyone. It puzzled me as to why they would want to bother going through all the medical help and hope for the trouble of having a kid? That was what I could not understand, since my theory of raising a family with kids was that “TWO is too many, ONE is enough, NONE is just right”. I couldn’t blame Lily too much. You know, oh, women! When the age comes, the hormones will kick in and make them illogical, and they’ll go nuts without the title of “mother”. But what was wrong with George? Raised by the atheist communist party, how could he be so stupid as to want to dive into a pile of diapers instead of being a happy DINK (Double Income No Kids)?

One day in the RCIA class, the topic was “Ask and it will be given to you”. Lily said softly that “I no longer pray for a kid, I’ll just leave it to God”. Tears shined in her eyes, while she tried her best to withhold them. What I saw was not a total trust of “leaving it to God”, but rather heartbreaking disappointment. A girl friend of hers held her shoulder and whispered to her: “Don’t be afraid. Ask! Act like a little kid demanding a favor from Daddy. Non-stop asking. Beg shamelessly like a bum.” With her head lowered, Lily was quiet. However, I did see there was a sparkle of restored faith in her face. Three weeks later, Lily could not wait to put on a maternal dress to show off her pregnancy. She pointed to her still flat-looking belly and said to me: “If you will accept God, this will be your God son”. Responding to her totally non-sense, I laughed loudly and said: “Now, you’ve got the wrong idea!”

After the priest poured water on one-month-old Ivan’s forehead and blessed him in the name of the Father, of the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I, the proud God father, made a sign of cross on Ivan’s forehead. At that time, the words of “Ask and it will be given to you” echoed in my heart loudly.

(Note: I accepted God and become a Catholic on November 1994, just few months before you were born, after God had shown a tremendous miracle upon me and I could not resist Him anymore. Well, that is another story and I can share that with you some other time. The article was written on July 1997 when Lily was ready to check into hospital again for her second baby – your little sister.)

                                                                                   With love,

                                                                                                   Your God parents