女人！妳的名字叫麻煩！

Woman

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman.
如果你親她，你沒有紳士風度
If you don't, you are not a man.
但是如果你不親她，你就不算男子漢
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying.
如果你讚美她，她會認為你只是在奉承她
If you don't, you are good for nothing
要是你不讚美她，那你就一無是處
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing.
如果你對她的話完全同意，她會跩得二五八萬
If you don't, she you are not understanding.
要是你不同意，那就表示你根本不了解她
If you make romance, you are an ‘experienced man’.
如果你把氣氛控制得很浪漫，你就一定是情場老手
If you don't, you are half a man.
如果不是，那你根本還不夠成熟
If you visit her to often, she thinks it's boring.
如果你找她太頻繁，她會覺得煩膩
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
如果你不去找她，他會覺得你在欺騙她的感情
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy.
如果你穿得漂亮點，她會覺得你是個花花公子
If you don't, you are a dull boy.
穿得破爛點，那你又是個笨頭笨腦的白癡
If you are jealous, she says it's bad.
如果你吃醋，她會說這樣是不對的
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her.
可是如果你完全不吃醋，她又會認為你根本不愛她
If you attempt a romance, she says you do not respect her.
你如果試圖對她調情，她會認為你不夠尊重她
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
要是你一直規規矩矩，她又覺得你不夠喜歡她
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait.
你若是遲到一分鐘，他會抱怨等得多累多苦
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
要是她自己遲到了，,他又會說女孩子遲到是天經地義的
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel.
如果你去找你的朋友，她會說你像跟屁蟲
If she is visited by another, "Oh, it's nature, we are girls."
如果是她，他會說" 喔，這很自然啊，女孩子都是這樣的
" If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold.
如果你偶而吻她一下，她會說你這人很冷漠
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
如果你吻太多了，她會大叫說你吃她豆腐
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics.
如果你過馬路時沒照顧她，那你這人不夠體貼
If you do, she thinks it's one of the man's tactics.
如果你小心照顧她過馬路，,她又會說這是男人的花招
If you stare at the other, she accuses you of flirting.
你若是凝視某個女人，他會指責你到處對女生調情
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
如果是其他男人瞪者她看，她會說他們只是欣賞而已
If you talk, she wants you to listen.
如果你跟她說話，她希望你只要聽就好
If you listen, she wants you to talk.
如果你只是頃聽，她又要你跟他說話
Oh! My God! You created those creature call "WOMAN".
喔！上天哪!你創造了這些叫"女人"的生物
So simple, yet so complex.
既簡單又複雜
So weak, yet so powerful.
如此柔弱，卻又如此強悍
So confusing, yet so desirable.
讓人苦惱，,又讓人憐愛
Oh! LORD! Tell me what to do. AMEN....
主啊!請告訴我該怎麼做，阿門！

　　這首愉快的詩句，猶記得第一次閱讀時，我幾乎獲得滿分。於是，以一種引以為戒的精神，保留了幾十年，八十磅的影印紙頁，已泛黃、破損、易脆，如今讀來，可以十分肯定地說：我、已、不、是、個、麻、煩、的、女、人、了！