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| 2015/01/31 20:14:03瀏覽118｜回應0｜推薦10 | |
| 【書摘】在少女們身旁—與希爾貝特的愛情-2 (Fall in love with Gilberte-2) 17 La distraction ne m’eût été utile que si elle eût mis en lutte avec un sentiment que la présence de Gilberte n’alimentait plus, des pensées, des intérêts, des passions où Gilberte ne fût entrée pour rien. Ces états de conscience auxquels l’être qu’on aime reste étranger occupent alors une place qui, si petite qu’elle soit d’abord, est autant de retranché à l’amour qui occupait l’âme tout entière. Il faut chercher à nourrir, à faire croître ces pensées, cependant que décline le sentiment qui n’est plus qu’un souvenir, de façon que les elements nouveaux introduits dans l’esprit lui disputent, lui arrachent une part de plus en plus grande de l’âme, et finalement la lui dérobent toute. Je me rendais compte que c’était la seule manière de tuer un amour, et j’étais encore assez jeune, assez courageux pour entreprendre de le faire, pour assumer la plus cruelle des douleurs qui naît de la certitude que, quelque temps qu’on doive y mettre, on réussira. (Éditions Gallimard, 1987) 要想散心，我就必須激勵自己身上與希爾貝特毫無關聯的思想、興趣和熱情以與我的感情（由於和希爾貝特的分離而不再與日俱增）相抗衡。這種與我們所愛的人毫無關聯的思緒會佔據地盤，它雖然最初很小，但也是從原先佔領我們整個心靈的愛情那裡奪取過來的。我們必須發展這些思緒，使之壯大，與此同時，感情不斷衰退，僅僅成為回憶，這樣一來，進入我們精神中的新因素與感情展開爭奪，奪得的地盤越來越大，最後整個心靈被奪了過來。我意識到這是消滅愛情的唯一辦法，我還年輕，有勇氣這樣做，有勇氣承受最殘酷的痛苦，我相信不論付出多大的時間代價，我最終會成功。 (p.194~195 追憶似水年華 II 在少女們身旁 聯經版 1992) 要想消遣散心，就必須調動種種跟吉爾貝特沒有任何關聯的思緒、意念和激情，去跟一種情感，一種由於吉爾貝特不在眼前而無法變得更強烈的情感相抗衡。這些跟我們所愛的人不相關的意念，會因此而占據一片地盤，它起初儘管很小，卻是從原先占據整個心靈的愛情那裡奪過來的。我們應當設法給這些意念補充養分，讓它們不斷壯大，這些被引進精神世界的生力軍，會趁那種情感退化成回憶的時候，會跟它展開爭奪戰，從它那裡奪得越來越多的地盤，直至最終占據整個心靈。我意識到，這是扼殺愛情的唯一辦法，我還年輕，還有足夠的勇氣去這麼做，去承受最難忍的痛苦，因為我堅信，儘管要花時間，但我一定會成功。 (p.212 追憶似水年華 II 在少女花影下 時報版 周克希譯 2011) The distraction would be of no avail to me unless it was employed to combat a sentiment which the presence of Gilberte no longer nourished, thoughts, interests, passions in which Gilberte should have no part. These states of consciousness, to which the person whom we love remains a stranger, then occupy a place which, however small it may be at first, is always so much reconquered from the love that has been in unchallenged possession of our whole soul. We must seek to encourage these thoughts, to make them grow, while the sentiment which is no more now than a memory dwindles, so that the new elements introduced into our mind contest with that sentiment, wrest from it an ever increasing part of our soul, until at last the victory is complete. I decided that this was the only way in which my love could be killed, and I was still young enough, still courageous enough to undertake the attempt, to subject myself to that most cruel grief which springs from the certainty that, whatever time one may devote to the effort, it will prove successful in the end. (Translated by C. K. Scott Moncrieff) The diversion could have been beneficial only if it could have pitted thoughts, interests, or passions unrelated to Gilberte against a feeling that was no longer reinforced by her presence. Such states of mind, from which the loved one is entirely absent, serve to take up a space which, though minimal to begin with, leaves a little less room in the heart for the love that once occupied it entirely. They must be fostered, they must be fortified, in time with the waning of the emotion that is no more than a memory, so that the new elements provided to the mind can encroach on a larger and larger area of the self and finally take it over completely. I realized it was the only way to kill a feeling of love; and I was young enough and brave enough to undertake to do this, to inflict this wound on myself, the cruelest of all wounds, since it comes from one’s knowledge that, however long it may take, one is bound to succeed. (Translated by James Grieve) |
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