(1.原信 2.英譯 3.分段中英對照)

《與妻訣别書》

林覺民 (1987-1911) 作

Written by Lin Jue-Min

刁卿蕙 譯

Tr. by ChinghueyTiao

(2024/4/9 譯注)This is a farewell letter written by Lin Jue-min (Yi-Dong) to his wife (Yi-Ying) three days before the Battle of Huanghuagang (黄花崗之役3/29/ 1911）. Yi-Dong died at the age of 24. The broken-hearted Yi-Ying succumbed to depression and died two years later. 

I

意映卿卿如晤:

吾今以此書與汝永別矣！吾作此書時，尚是世中一人；汝看此書時，吾已成為陰間一鬼。吾作此書，淚珠和筆墨齊下，不能竟書而欲擱筆，又恐汝不察吾衷，謂吾忍舍汝而死，謂吾不知汝之不欲吾死也，故遂忍悲為汝言之。

吾至愛汝，即此愛汝一念，使吾勇於就死也。吾自遇汝以來，常願天下有情人都成眷屬；然遍地腥雲，滿街狼犬，稱心快意，幾家能彀？司馬青衫，吾不能學太上之忘情也。語云：仁者 「老吾老，以及人之老；幼吾幼，以及人之幼」。吾充吾愛汝之心，助天下人愛其所愛，所以敢先汝而死，不顧汝也。汝體吾此心，於啼泣之余，亦以天下人為念，當亦樂犧牲吾身與 汝身之福利，為天下人謀永福也。汝其勿悲！

汝憶否？四五年前某夕，吾嘗語曰：「與使吾先死也，無寧汝先吾而死。」汝初聞言而怒，後經吾婉解，雖不謂吾言為是，而亦無詞相答。吾之意蓋謂以汝之弱，必不能禁失吾之悲，吾先死，留苦與汝，吾心不忍，故寧請汝先死，吾擔悲也。嗟夫！誰知吾卒先汝而死乎？

吾真真不能忘汝也！回憶後街之屋，入門穿廊，過前後廳，又三四折，有小廳，廳旁一室，為吾與汝雙棲之所。初婚三四個月，適冬之望日前後，窗外疏梅篩月影，依稀掩映；吾與汝並肩攜手，低低切切，何事不語？何情不訴？及今思之，空余淚痕。又回憶六七年前，吾之逃家覆歸也，汝泣告我：「望今後有遠行，必以告妾，妾願隨君行。」吾亦既許汝矣。前十餘日回家，即欲乘便以此行之事語汝，及與汝相對，又不能啟口，且以汝之有身也，更恐不勝悲，故惟日日呼酒買醉。嗟夫！當時余心之悲，蓋不能以寸管形容之。

吾誠願與汝相守以死，第以今日事勢觀之，天災可以死，盜賊可以死，瓜分之日可以死，奸官汙吏虐民可以死，吾輩處今日之中國，國中無地無時不可以死。到那時使吾眼睜睜看汝死，或使汝眼睜睜看吾死，吾能之乎？抑汝能之乎？即可不死，而離散不相見，徒使兩地眼成穿而骨化石，試問古來幾曾見破鏡能重圓？則較死為苦也，將奈之何？

今日吾與汝幸雙健。天下人不當死而死與不願離而離者，不可數計，鐘情如我輩者，能忍之乎？此吾所以敢率性就死不顧汝也。吾今死無餘憾，國事成不成自有同志者在。依新已五歲，轉眼成人，汝其善撫之，使之肖我。汝腹中之物，吾疑其女也，女必像汝，吾心甚慰。或又是男，則亦教其以父志為志，則吾死後尚有二意洞在也。幸甚，幸甚！吾家後日當甚貧，貧無所苦，清靜過日而已。

吾今與汝無言矣。吾居九泉之下遙聞汝哭聲，當哭相和也。吾平日不信有鬼，今則又望其真有。今是人又言心電感應有道，吾亦望其言是實，則吾之死，吾靈尚依依旁汝也，汝不必以無侶悲。

吾平生未嘗以吾所志語汝，是吾不是處；然語之，又恐汝日日為吾擔憂。吾犧牲百死而不辭，而使汝擔憂，的的非吾所忍。吾愛汝至，所以為汝謀者惟恐未盡。汝幸而偶我，又何不幸而生今日之中國！吾幸而得汝，又何不幸而生今日之中國！卒不忍獨善其身。嗟夫！巾短情長，所未盡者，尚有萬千，汝可以模擬得之。吾今不能見汝矣！汝不能舍吾，其時時於夢中得我乎？一慟。

辛未三月廿六夜四鼓，意洞手書。

2

Yi-Ying, my dear, as seeing thee:

Now I am bidding farewell to you with this letter! As I write this, I am still a human in the world, by the time you read this, I have become a ghost in the underworld. As tears and ink flow together, I can hardly finish writing this letter and wish to put the pen down, but I fear that my intentions wont be perceived, you might say that I go to die without bearing you in mind, or I don’t know that you do not wish me to die, so I endure the pain to express it for you.

I love you so much that the thought of loving you alone gives me the courage to make sacrifices. Since I met you, I have always wished that all lovers in the world could become married couples; but the bloody smells cloud the land, and streets are full of wolves and canines, how many families can live a contented and happy life? I feel extremely sorrowful, I am unable to emulate the dispassionate state of the sainthood. The saying has it that: the benevolent one " Respect my elders and extend that respect to others elders; care for my children and extend that care to others children." I use my love for you to help people in the world love whom they love. Thats why Im willing to die before you and care for you not. You should realize my mind, spare a thought for other people in the world when you are wailing and weeping, and gladly contribute my sacrifice and your well-being to them for their long-lasting welfare. Please grieve not!

Do you remember? One evening, four or five years ago, I said to you: “I would rather die after you than die before you.” Initially, you were upset by my words, but I explained myself tactfully. Even though you disagreed with me, my words left you speechless. What I meant was that you are weak, and I dont think you could handle the grief of losing me; if I were to die first and leave you in torment, my heart cannot endure it, so I would rather request that you die before me, and let me be burdened with the sorrow. Alas! Who would have known that eventually, I would die before you?

I truly cannot forget you! I reminisce about the house on the back street, entering the gate, passing corridors, going across the front and rear halls, taking another three or four turns, and there was a small hall, next to it the chamber wherein both you and I dwelled. We were newly married for three or four months, it was around the 15th day of the lunar month in Winter, the sparse plum trees sieved the moonlight, flickered and silhouetted against the lattice window vaguely; you and I were hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, lowered our heads and whispered, was there any thoughts to be bottled? Any feelings cannot be shared? To this day, I call up these scenes, only tear marks left in vain. Again, I recall six or seven years ago, I ran away from home, and when I came back, you were in tears and said to me: “From now on, whenever you go on a long trip, you must let me know, I’m willing to accompany you. ” I made my promise as well. More than ten days ago, I went home and wanted to take a chance to tell you about my trip this time, yet I could not utter a word when facing you; moreover, you were pregnant, and I was afraid that you wouldn’t be able to withstand the grief, there’s nothing I could do but indulging myself in drunkenness day after day. Alas, the sorrow in my heart then was so ineffable that any pen would fail to describe it.

I honestly wish to spend my life with you until the end, but given the current situation, natural calamities may cause death, thieves may cause death, the date of dividing a country may cause death, the corrupted officials who abuse people may cause death, for today’s China where our generations are, death is prevailing everywhere anytime. When the time comes, shall I helplessly watch you die, or shall you helplessly watch me die, can I change it? Or can you change it? Even if the couple survives, but are separated and unable to meet each other, and look at each other from two distant places with eyes pierced and bones turned into stone. Try to ask, have you ever seen a broken mirror regain its roundness since the ancient age? That would be more bitter than death, is there simply no alternative?

Today you and I are lucky enough to be alive. Those who should not die but are dead and those who did not want to separate but are separated, there are too many to be counted, how can loving couples like us endure that? That’s the reason why I willfully go for death and care for you not. Today I will die with no regrets, whether the countrys affairs are successful or not, the kindred-spirit comrades will be there. Yi-xin is now five years old, and he will be grown up in the blink of an eye, I wish you cultivate him well and make him resemble me. I suspect the fetus in your womb is a girl, she must be like you, which is a great comfort to my heart. Or it is a boy again, you teach him to aspire to his father’s aspiration as well, then, after I pass away there will be another two Yi-Dongs by your side. That’s worth celebrating, worth celebrating! Our family will be very poor in the future, but there is no suffering in poverty, just to live a life of tranquility.

Ive expressed everything that I wish to convey to you today. Even though I dwell in the underworld, whenever I hear you crying from afar, Ill cry to accord with you. Im usually skeptical about the existence of ghosts, but now I wish they were real. Our contemporaries talk about the possibility of communicating through telepathy, and I wish it were true too, after my death, then, my soul can still closely accompany you, please don’t be sad about being alone.

I have never shared my life aspirations with you before. It was my fault that I didnt, I was afraid that it would make you worry about me every day. Even though I am willing to sacrifice myself a hundred times for my goal and never be regretful, making you worry, indeed, is beyond what I can stand. I love you so much that I fear that I will never be able to do enough for you. You were fortunate enough to marry me, but how unfortunate you were to be born in today’s China! I was fortunate enough to marry you, but how unfortunate I was to be born in today’s China! After all, I cannot only look out for my own interests. Alas! The letter is short while love is long, and thousands of words have not been finished yet. You should be able to presume the contents and read my mind. I cannot meet you today, since you would be reluctant to let go of me, will you often meet me in your dreams？ Grief!

Written by Yi-dong, on March 26, 1911, in the middle of the night.

3

意映卿卿如晤:

吾今以此書與汝永別矣！吾作此書時，尚是世中一人；汝看此書時，吾已成為陰間一鬼。吾作此書，淚珠和筆墨齊下，不能竟書而欲擱筆，又恐汝不察吾衷，謂吾忍舍汝而死，謂吾不知汝之不欲吾死也，故遂忍悲為汝言之。

Yi-Ying, my dear, as seeing thee:

Now I am bidding farewell to you with this letter! As I write this, I am still a human in the world, by the time you read this, I have become a ghost in the underworld. As tears and ink flow together, I can hardly finish writing this letter and wish to put the pen down, but I fear that my intentions won’t be perceived, you might say that I go to die without bearing you in mind, or I don’t know that you do not wish me to die, so I endure the pain to express it for you.

吾至愛汝，即此愛汝一念，使吾勇於就死也。吾自遇汝以來，常願天下有情人都成眷屬；然遍地腥雲，滿街狼犬，稱心快意，幾家能彀？司馬青衫，吾不能學太上之忘情也。語云：仁者 「老吾老，以及人之老；幼吾幼，以及人之幼」。吾充吾愛汝之心，助天下人愛其所愛，所以敢先汝而死，不顧汝也。汝體吾此心，於啼泣之余，亦以天下人為念，當亦樂犧牲吾身與 汝身之福利，為天下人謀永福也。汝其勿悲！

I love you so much that the thought of loving you alone gives me the courage to make sacrifices. Since I met you, I have always wished that all lovers in the world could become married couples; but the bloody smells cloud the land, and streets are full of wolves and canines, how many families can live a contented and happy life? I feel extremely sorrowful, I am unable to emulate the dispassionate state of the sainthood. The saying has it that: the benevolent one " Respect my elders and extend that respect to others elders; care for my children and extend that care to others children." I use my love for you to help people in the world love whom they love. Thats why Im willing to die before you and care for you not. You should realize my mind, spare a thought for other people in the world when you are wailing and weeping, and gladly contribute my sacrifice and your well-being to them for their long-lasting welfare. Please grieve not!

汝憶否？四五年前某夕，吾嘗語曰：「與使吾先死也，無寧汝先吾而死。」汝初聞言而怒，後經吾婉解，雖不謂吾言為是，而亦無詞相答。吾之意蓋謂以汝之弱，必不能禁失吾之悲，吾先死，留苦與汝，吾心不忍，故寧請汝先死，吾擔悲也。嗟夫！誰知吾卒先汝而死乎？

Do you remember? One evening, four or five years ago, I said to you: “I would rather die after you than die before you.” Initially, you were upset by my words, but I explained myself tactfully. Even though you disagreed with me, my words left you speechless. What I meant was that you are weak, and I dont think you could handle the grief of losing me; if I were to die first and leave you in torment, my heart cannot endure it, so I would rather request that you die before me, and let me be burdened with the sorrow. Alas! Who would have known that eventually, I would die before you?

吾真真不能忘汝也！回憶後街之屋，入門穿廊，過前後廳，又三四折，有小廳，廳旁一室，為吾與汝雙棲之所。初婚三四個月，適冬之望日前後，窗外疏梅篩月影，依稀掩映；吾與汝並肩攜手，低低切切，何事不語？何情不訴？及今思之，空余淚痕。又回憶六七年前，吾之逃家覆歸也，汝泣告我：「望今後有遠行，必以告妾，妾願隨君行。」吾亦既許汝矣。前十餘日回家，即欲乘便以此行之事語汝，及與汝相對，又不能啟口，且以汝之有身也，更恐不勝悲，故惟日日呼酒買醉。嗟夫！當時余心之悲，蓋不能以寸管形容之。

I truly cannot forget you! I reminisce about the house on the back street, entering the gate, passing corridors, going across the front and rear halls, taking another three or four turns, and there was a small hall, next to it the chamber wherein both you and I dwelled. We were newly married for three or four months, it was around the 15th day of the lunar month in Winter, the sparse plum trees sieved the moonlight, flickered and silhouetted against the lattice window vaguely; you and I were hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, lowered our heads and whispered, was there any thoughts to be bottled? Any feelings cannot be shared? To this day, I call up these scenes, only tear marks left in vain. Again, I recall six or seven years ago, I ran away from home, and when I came back, you were in tears and said to me: “From now on, whenever you go on a long trip, you must let me know, I’m willing to accompany you. ” I made my promise as well. More than ten days ago, I went home and wanted to take a chance to tell you about my trip this time, yet I could not utter a word when facing you; moreover, you were pregnant, and I was afraid that you wouldn’t be able to withstand the grief, there’s nothing I could do but indulging myself in drunkenness day after day. Alas, the sorrow in my heart then was so ineffable that any pen would fail to describe it.

吾誠願與汝相守以死，第以今日事勢觀之，天災可以死，盜賊可以死，瓜分之日可以死，奸官汙吏虐民可以死，吾輩處今日之中國，國中無地無時不可以死。到那時使吾眼睜睜看汝死，或使汝眼睜睜看吾死，吾能之乎？抑汝能之乎？即可不死，而離散不相見，徒使兩地眼成穿而骨化石，試問古來幾曾見破鏡能重圓？則較死為苦也，將奈之何？

I honestly wish to spend my life with you until the end, but given the current situation, natural calamities may cause death, thieves may cause death, the date of dividing a country may cause death, the corrupted officials who abuse people may cause death, for today’s China where our generations are, death is prevailing everywhere anytime. When the time comes, shall I helplessly watch you die, or shall you helplessly watch me die, can I change it? Or can you change it? Even if the couple survives, but are separated and unable to meet each other, and look at each other from two distant places with eyes pierced and bones turned into stone. Try to ask, have you ever seen a broken mirror regain its roundness since the ancient age? That would be more bitter than death, is there simply no alternative?

今日吾與汝幸雙健。天下人不當死而死與不願離而離者，不可數計，鐘情如我輩者，能忍之乎？此吾所以敢率性就死不顧汝也。吾今死無餘憾，國事成不成自有同志者在。依新已五歲，轉眼成人，汝其善撫之，使之肖我。汝腹中之物，吾疑其女也，女必像汝，吾心甚慰。或又是男，則亦教其以父志為志，則吾死後尚有二意洞在也。幸甚，幸甚！吾家後日當甚貧，貧無所苦，清靜過日而已。

Today you and I are lucky enough to be alive. Those who should not die but are dead and those who did not want to separate but are separated, there are too many to be counted, how can loving couples like us endure that? That’s the reason why I willfully go for death and care for you not. Today I will die with no regrets, whether the countrys affairs are successful or not, the kindred-spirit comrades will be there. Yi-xin is now five years old, and he will be grown up in the blink of an eye, I wish you cultivate him well and make him resemble me. I suspect the fetus in your womb is a girl, she must be like you, which is a great comfort to my heart. Or it is a boy again, you teach him to aspire to his father’s aspiration as well, then, after I pass away there will be another two Yi-Dongs by your side. That’s worth celebrating, worth celebrating! Our family will be very poor in the future, but there is no suffering in poverty, just to live a life of tranquility.

吾今與汝無言矣。吾居九泉之下遙聞汝哭聲，當哭相和也。吾平日不信有鬼，今則又望其真有。今是人又言心電感應有道，吾亦望其言是實，則吾之死，吾靈尚依依旁汝也，汝不必以無侶悲。

Ive expressed everything that I wish to convey to you today. Even though I dwell in the underworld, whenever I hear you crying from afar, Ill cry to accord with you. Im usually skeptical about the existence of ghosts, but now I wish they were real. Our contemporaries talk about the possibility of communicating through telepathy, and I wish it were true too, after my death, then, my soul can still closely accompany you, please don’t be sad about being alone.

吾平生未嘗以吾所志語汝，是吾不是處；然語之，又恐汝日日為吾擔憂。吾犧牲百死而不辭，而使汝擔憂，的的非吾所忍。吾愛汝至，所以為汝謀者惟恐未盡。汝幸而偶我，又何不幸而生今日之中國！吾幸而得汝，又何不幸而生今日之中國！卒不忍獨善其身。嗟夫！巾短情長，所未盡者，尚有萬千，汝可以模擬得之。吾今不能見汝矣！汝不能舍吾，其時時於夢中得我乎？一慟。

I have never shared my life aspirations with you before. It was my fault that I didnt, I was afraid that it would make you worry about me every day. Even though I am willing to sacrifice myself a hundred times for my goal and never be regretful, making you worry, indeed, is beyond what I can stand. I love you so much that I fear that I will never be able to do enough for you. You were fortunate enough to marry me, but how unfortunate you were to be born in today’s China! I was fortunate enough to marry you, but how unfortunate I was to be born in today’s China! After all, I cannot only look out for my own interests. Alas! The letter is short while love is long, and thousands of words have not been finished yet. You should be able to presume the contents and read my mind. I cannot meet you today, since you would be reluctant to let go of me, will you often meet me in your dreams？ Grief!

辛未三月廿六夜四鼓，意洞手書。

Written by Yi-dong, on March 26, 1911, in the middle of the night.