網路城邦
上一篇 回創作列表 下一篇　 字體：小 中 大
花 與 沙
2013/07/26 16:38:18瀏覽302｜回應1｜推薦39

   花 與 沙

 

一花一世界，

世界並非一枝花。

一沙一宇宙，

宇宙亦非一粒沙。

 

欲問人神事，

細觀沙與花。

 

 

 

英文譯詩附後

並請批評指正

 

版權公開

歡迎轉載

 

 

 

      花 與 沙

     Flower and Sand *

 

A flower is a world.

The world is not a flower.

A sand is a universe.

The universe is not a sand.

 

If you want to know

about God and man,

please look closely

at the flower and sand.

 

 

 

 

* English version of the author’s Chinese work.

* Copyright open to the whole world.

 

 

 

 

 

 
( 創作｜詩詞 )
回應 推薦文章 列印 加入我的文摘
上一篇 回創作列表 下一篇

引用
引用網址：https://classic-blog.udn.com/article/trackback.jsp?uid=Y282686&aid=8020783

　回應文章

通霄客
等級：8
留言｜加入好友
,my impression
2013/07/27 00:23

My impression: a well written poem, short and sweet. You are talented in creation and good in English.

"If you want to know things of God and man"

You know that when it comes to writing poems, "short and sweet" is often preferred.

For this reason, above quote of your poem, if changed to read: " If you want to know about God and man", would it sound better? Of course, it is up to you; after all,  literature is a kind of art, not science, everyone has his/her preference.



戈 筆 揚(Y282686) 於 2013-07-27 16:29 回覆：

Now, I change the second stanza from three lines into four lines.

So I can adopt your suggestion to use the word 'about'.
戈 筆 揚(Y282686) 於 2013-07-27 04:22 回覆：

Thank you. I think your change is really better.

I'll keep the original here so readers cam know what are we talking about and revise my manuscript for formal publication.

 
戈 筆 揚(Y282686) 於 2013-07-27 16:35 回覆：
Don't you think this way can make the poem even better?