我靈已離

有人說，

作人要自保：

在強風中要彎腰，

在大水中要浮漂。

如果我既不想彎腰，

也不想浮漂；

我寧願斷了，

淹了。

生命須有些意義，

有個目標，

有點興趣，

有種味道。

如果你的目標破了，

意義沒了，

興趣跑了，

味道錯了。

特別是，

你不但不喜歡

任何人事物。

更加上，

他們不讓你

繼續行坐住。

當死亡是解脫，

生活祇是痛苦。

你怎麼能夠

堅持要逗留。

麻木的幻想，

無理的不走。

.

我一生都活在

責任與義務的束縛中。

我怎麼能死在

機器與管子的覊絆中。

他們從沒有給我

一點有用的友情。

我怎麼能接受他們

那點無用的同情。

.

一旦你一命嗚呼，

把靈魂留給自己，

讓別人處理一切事務。

你大可不必在乎，

別人怎樣稱呼你，

怎樣處理你的遺物。

有甚麼分別，

如果他們叫你婊子，

或是稱你小姐？

有甚麼兩樣，

如果他們贊你高貴，

或是說你骯髒？

為甚麼要定規，

是快快燒成灰，

或是慢慢爛成水？

為甚麼要計較，

是被野狗啃了。

或是被蛆蟲吃掉？

就算是我活在這裡，

也要任憑別人處理。

每人都可把我折磨，

按照他自己的主意。

他們拉我站起，

按我跪坐，

推我仰天，

翻我俯臥。

括我腫脹，

擠我出漿，

劈我開裂，

捅我受傷。

殘酷的淫笑，

猥褻的誇讚，

粗野的辱駡，

忿怒的責難。

他們常給我感染！

讓我流膿腐爛。

.

我還要在乎甚麼，

當我最後一次趟下？

我的兩腿已僵，

肌肉已硬，

頸背已直，

血液已冷。

最少我會直起來！

最終我會硬起來！

我的雙耳已聾，

雙眼已閉，

神經已滯，

靈魂已離。

* 節錄自作者的長詩〝姐妹仙姬〞，引用茱莉雅（一個野姬）的話。

英文原詩附後

並請批評指正

   My Soul Is Already Away *

“Some say,

You’d better know:

within the roaring wind – stoop!

within the rolling water – float!

“How if

I neither stoop nor float?

I’d rather be swallowed,

be broke!”

“Life should have

some aims, meanings,

some interests,

or flavors.

“Once your aims burst,

meanings lost,

interests faded,

flavors altered.

“Especially,

not only you don’t like

anyone, anything,

anymore;

“Moreover,

they don’t allow you

to go forward, further,

any longer.

“When death is a release,

life is a suffer.

“How could you

and why should you:

“Persistently exist,

perplexingly wonder,

painfully sustain,

purposelessly wander.”

“I am always bound to live

with duties and misery.

How can I be finally tied to die

with tubes and machinery?

“They have never given me

their priceless mercy.

Why should I now accept

their useless sympathy?”

“Once you must depart,

leave a pure soul to yourself,

leave all other things to others.

“Why should you care about

how they'll insult your name

and abuse your carcass?

“Is there any distinction

if you are eulogized a lady

or elegized a harlot?

“What is the difference

if they blame you are lousy

or praise you are moral?

“Is there any distinction

between a quick burn

and a slow rot?

“What’s the difference

if you are torn by the dog

or bored by the maggot?”

“Even while I am alive,

at here I am laid.

Everyone can abuse me

in his own way.

“They pull me to stand,

press me to kneel,

throw me supine,

turn me prostrate.

“They split me to break,

stab me to bleed,

slap me to swell,

squeeze me to secrete.

“They cruelly cackle,

dirtily praise,

or nastily curse!

Furiously blame.

“They often let me rot!

Leave me to suppurate.

“So what should I care

if I am finally laid?

“My flesh will be rigid,

blood will be frigid.

Neck and legs, be stiff;

back, trunk, be straight.

“At least, they can be stiffened.

At last, they can be straightened!

“And my ears will be dumb,

nerves, be numb.

My eyes will have closed,

soul, already away.”

* An excerpt from the author’s long poem “Sister Goddesses”

     Quoted from the monologue of Jouliu, a “prostitute”.