Usually, Thanksgiving is a happy day because the family is together. But that was before my husband’s passing. His birthday was November 28, and it often fell on Thanksgiving. Even though he has been passed away for a long time, it is still hard for us to celebrate Thanksgiving, especially my youngest daughter, who happens to be born on the same date as her father.

I was careful last year to try to cheer her up and avoid anything that would remind her of her father. At Thanksgiving dinner, I suggest that each of us say something about the past year that deserves our gratitude to our family members. It went very well, but it was her turn to share her appreciation. She spoke for only a minute and then burst into tears. It took her a long time to stop crying and say her thanks.

The day after Thanksgiving, we had lunch and dinner parties to celebrate her birthday. I noticed how hard she tried to look happy in front of us, but her swollen eyes told me she must have cried the night before. This was the first time, after all these years, I felt I should help her. What could I do? I can’t raise her father from the dead. I can’t change her birthday. The worst part is that every birthday she remembers her dad, who shared her birthday with her. How could she not be sad! I am usually very helpful and encouraging, but I have no idea what to do about my daughter’s unhappy birthday. I kept thinking about how I could help her. All of a sudden, I was reminded of a little girl I had seen crying on the street, hopelessly waiting for me to pick her up.

Ring-ring-ring! The telephone rang, but it sounded unusually urgent. I picked up the phone, and the principal of my daughter’s school was on the other line. He introduced himself. He sounded so cold, and right away, my heart dropped. Continuing, he told me that my daughter broke school rules and that she would be stripped of her captaincy on the cheer team. He wanted me to pick her up. I was so shocked. How could it be? She was such a good girl; why would she receive such a horrible punishment? With all the questions in my head, I rushed to her school.

There, I saw a little girl standing there, shaking and crying. I couldn’t believe that this was the same happy girl I brought to school three hours ago. Where was that happy girl? When I opened the door for her to get into the car, I couldn’t help but cry. She continued to cry as she got into the car; in between crying and talking, she explained to me what had happened. She and a friend, Eric, were student representatives monitoring the lunch door, and only seniors could go off campus for lunch. There was a junior, and all of his friends were seniors. He begged my daughter and Eric to let him through so he could eat lunch with his friends. Seeing his sadness, my daughter and Eric tried to help him. They wrote him a pass to go off campus, but the boy was caught. My daughter and Eric were called to the principal’s office, and Eric shifted all the responsibility to her. The principal made the decision, without discussing it with administrators and counselors, and gave her the most severe punishment: he removed her title on the cheer team.

I remember that Friday afternoon. After listening to what had transpired, I was quite upset. I called the principal to make an appointment with him, administrators, and counselors on the following Monday. Of course, I would not give in to or accept this unfair decision made by the principal alone.

On Saturday morning, we drove the car to the church mountain. While my husband was driving, I closed my eyes, and I had no idea how I could help my daughter. Not only did I have no idea what I could do, but I also had no idea how I could do it. Somehow, I felt that I needed to connect to the high divinity, to a higher power. All of a sudden, an apparition appeared in front of me like a TV screen. I saw scene after scene about how we worked hard back and forth, countless times, I took her out of school early and drove her for two and a half hours to receive a special training. She then won the competition one after another and finally got her dream position as a cheer captain.

After seeing those scenes, I was enlightened. I knew how to handle Monday’s meeting. Right before I entered the principal’s office, I saw the sign: “Home of the Children.” I couldn’t help but smile, and I looked up to the sky. I said, “I understand now. I know how to fight this battle.”

They were surprised to see that I was coming alone (my husband was busy at that time.) and that the principal was defiant and seemed proud of his decision. I didn’t waste any time asking almost immediately for their explanation after thanking them for meeting with me. The school calls itself the “Home of the Children.” As a family, the principal, counselors, administrators, and teachers should be the parents of the family. They didn’t know why I started like this, but they couldn’t say no, so I went on and said, “Kids do make mistakes at home because that’s how they grow up. They learn from their mistakes. As a parent, you can only guide them and let them learn from mistakes and learn what is right and what is wrong. The relationship between parents and children is love. You have to guide them through love. Of course, you can punish them, but that should be after the communication with the child, find out the cause of the problem, and understand why he or she did so, you then know how to guide your kid. I’m sorry to tell you that I don’t see the love that parents give to their children in your house, and I only know that you can’t wait to deliver the most severe punishment to your kid without giving her the chance to explain to you. Let alone to give yourself time to counsel with an administrator and student counselor.

The principal felt attacked and he said that my daughter shouldn’t have allowed the junior student to go out for lunch. I asked him, “Do you know why?” He couldn’t answer. I explained to him, “It all comes down to the compassion my daughter holds for her classmates. She sympathized that he didn’t have that many chances to have lunch with his senior friends. Maybe at that moment, my daughter’s emotion overwhelmed her, and she allowed him to go out. She knows now that it is wrong, and she has asked for forgiveness. She has gone through so much already, psychologically, and physically. She couldn’t eat nor sleep, she kept crying, and she got a stomachache. Isn’t this punishment enough? The school is an educational organization. The purpose is to teach and guide students on the right path with love. Give them a chance to correct their mistakes. Besides, those who commit crimes in adult society have the opportunity to plead before being sentenced.”

My daughter was a junior at the time. She wasn’t even an adult, but when she made a mistake in school, she was treated less than an adult. All she got was the judgment and punishment once she was called into the principal’s office. I know my daughter well. She is very friendly and always wants to help others. She often went to teachers’ offices, asking if they needed help. Can you imagine a junior begging and pleading to her about how he would no longer have any chances to have lunch with his friends? So she gave him the pass because she understood how he felt. She didn’t gain anything from letting him out. She made this mistake for being kind and loving. Didn’t you think of that?

For the last few years, I tried my best to arrange my time, and my daughter worked so hard for her dream so that she could receive her position. I couldn’t help but cry up on that church mountain after watching that apparition. I spent many years building her to become a leader. But it was all destroyed within several minutes with an innocent mistake. With the rash decision made by the principal, her dreams were crushed. The worse part was that she lost her confidence in herself and helping others through love. This was such an unjust punishment. Where was the love of the school towards students? Where was the love of the teachers towards the kids? Where was the love in this family of children?

To be continued…

感恩節在我的丈夫去世前總是非常開心的日子。因他的生日就在十一月二十八日剛好在感恩節前後但是，從他離開到現在己經12年，對我們的全家 過感恩節便有點辛苦了， 尤其是我的小女兒，剛巧她和她父親的生日同一天。

去年我特別小心，盡量要讓她開心，也避開做任何會提醒她想起，她的父親的話題。在感恩節晚餐，我建議我們每個人說出過去一年來值得每個人對家庭成員感恩的事，本來大家開開心心的說。進行得非常順利，但是輪到她分享她的感恩，只講了一分鐘又忍不住哭了。她花了很長一段時間才停止哭泣，把感恩的話說完。

感恩節之後第二天，我們有午餐和晚餐聚會慶祝她的生日。我注意到她在我們的前面很努力裝得很開心的樣子，但看她微腫的眼晴便知道她前一天一定哭了一晚，這是第一次，經過這麼多年來，我覺得我應該幫忙她， 我能做些什麼呢？ 我不能叫她的父親死裡復活，我又不能改變她生日。最糟糕的是，她每年過生日就會想起與她同一天生日的爸爸，怎麼可能不傷心呢!.通常我很會幫助人鼓勵人，但是，對我女兒過生日傷心的事，我束手無策也不知道怎麼辦才好。我一直在想怎样才能帮助她。突然，我想起了一个小女孩，我看到她在街上哭，绝望地等着我去接她。

我收到了女兒上課的高中學校校長的電話，他用非常冰冷令人不寒而慄的語氣告訴我，我的女兒違犯了學校的規則，她啦啦隊隊長頭銜被取消，要我馬上去接她因她被罰提前下課。一接到電話我嚇呆了，天呀！這怎麼可能，她是一個好女孩，她為什麼會受到這樣的懲罰。帶着滿腦袋的問号，我趕到學校。我看見一個小女孩站在那裡一邊發抖一邊哭，我簡直不敢相信這是同一個我三個鐘頭前帶去學校上課的快樂女孩！那快樂的小女孩在那裡了？當我告訴她上車時情不自禁流下眼淚！

上車後她一直哭，並告訴我在學校了什麼事。她和埃里克（二個人都是學校代表）午餐時間看守學校大門，只讓高三學生出去吃午飯(因為是他們在學校最後一年他們才能享這特權)，有一個高二學生因他好朋友都是高三生，求他們讓他出去與他的高三朋友吃午飯。我女兒一向對人友好，她和埃里克寫了“通行證”讓他也出去校外與他朋友一起吃午飯。不幸的是，他被一名老師抓到。然後，她和埃里克被叫到校長室，埃里克把一切責任都推給她。校長當場(沒有與教務長及學生顧問討論) 就竟自作主的給她最嚴厲的懲罰：就是剝奪她辛苦努力選上的啦啦隊長的頭銜與職位。

我記得很清楚，那是星期五下午，聽了我的女兒告訴我所發生的故事後。我很生氣立刻打電話給校長，要求下週一與他、教務長及學生顧問見面。我當然不會同意及接受他這樣一個人獨自對我女兒作的不合理的決定。

第二天我們開車去教堂的山上，我的丈夫駕駛，我閉上眼睛，尋求神的幫助。突然，好像是電視畫面出現在我的面前，一幕幕讓我看見我們是如何辛苦的來回奔波，朝著她的目標一步步的往前走。數不清有多少次，我帶她從學校提早出來，並開車2小時半將她送到另一個學校接受她所需要的培訓，多少的辛勞及努力，她一關接着一關贏了競爭者才在學校得到啦啦隊長的職位。看到這些影像好像電影一樣出現在我眼前，我有點開啟知道要如何應付星期一的會議。

就在我進入學校辧公室前，突然我看到了學校的標誌 〝孩童家”(Home of the Children）我笑了起來我告訴神性，我明白了。我相信我已得到神性的智慧，也知道如何打好這場戰了。

他們驚訝地看到，我只一個人來(我先生較忙所以都是我負責家中的大小事)，校長更是一付目中無人也似乎很自豪他的判決。我沒有浪費任何時間，一進去便開門見山的感謝學校給我一個機會與他們見面，不過我有一個問題，需要他門幫我解釋。學校自稱是是“孩童之家”。作為一個家庭，校長、教務長及學生顧問及老師應該是這個家的家長吧! 他們不清楚我為什麼如此開始，但又不能說不是，我便繼續說了「在家中孩子難免做錯事，因為這是他們的成長過程，由錯誤中學習成長，作父母的從旁教導，讓他們由這個錯誤的行動中，學習到其中的對與錯，不是嗎?

父母與子女的關係便是愛，由愛中指導，當然可以去懲罰，但你必須在與孩子溝通以後，找出問題的原因，了解他為什麽會如此作，你才知道如何開導不是嗎? 既是 〝孩童之家”這件事上我很抱歉，我沒看到在你們這一家中父母給孩子的愛，而只看到你迫不急待的一個人獨斷獨行的給了我女兒最可怕的判決」。

校長這時好似喊寃似的辨白「可是她不可讓高二學生出去呀!」「你知道為什麼呢?」他答不出來。我告訴他是出于對那同學的愛，同情他沒有多少機會與高三的好朋友在一起吃飯了，才一下子感情超過了理智，允許他出去。當然她也作錯也認錯了，何况在這件事上她也受够了精神上及身體上(吃不下、睡不好、經常流淚而且肚子痛不停)的懲罰難道還不够嗎? 我又強調學校更是一個教育機構，目的應該是在愛心中教導指正孩子，給他們機會改正錯誤。何况在成人的社會犯罪的人，在被判決前還有申辯的機會呢!

至于我女兒,她還未成年，當她做了件錯事。不但沒有給她機會解釋，而且馬上給她判決!我了解我的女兒，她非常友善，經常想幫助人，她也常去辦公室幫忙老師。你可以想像在那時候，當那高二學生求她，並表示，他沒有太多機會再與他高三朋友一起吃午飯，她讓他出去。這完全是因為她愛那同學。你們都知道，她沒有得到任何好處，只因為愛而作錯了事你沒想到這點呢?

我繼續告訴他們，我是如何和女兒在這幾年來辛苦朝着女兒的夢想，一步步的往前而至終她被選上她現在所在位置。我把這情景一幕幕的敘述出來，時而渗雜着我忍不住的哭泣聲，我告訴他們，我花了這麼多年，塑造她成為一個領導者，却被人在幾分鐘內摧毀，因為一個不經意的過失，被校長匆忙幾分鐘內的決定，而打破了一個小女孩經營多年夢想。她現在無法睡覺，也吃不下飯，更糟糕的是對于愛和幫助人己經失掉了信心，這是何等不公平的懲罰。學校對學生的愛在哪裡？學校的老師們對孩子們的愛在哪裡？孩童之家的愛又在哪裡呢？