You Can Tell It's Going to Be a Bad Day When...
這個時候，你可說: 真是倒楣的一天 ...

You wake up face down on the pavement.
醒來時，發現自己趴在人行道上。

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
將胸罩往後再拉10公分.. 感覺這樣更好。

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
打防止自殺專線，語音電話告訴你: 轉接中.. 請稍後..

You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
看見"犯罪現場"的SNG小組，在你的辨公室等著..

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
蠟燭的重量把你的生日蛋糕給壓壞了…

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night... and there aren't any.
想披上昨晚從轟叭穿回的衣服 ... 但什麼也沒有..

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
打開新聞頻道，他們正告訴你: 緊急撤離城市的路線。

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
孿生妹妹忘記你的生日。

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the highway.
汽車喇叭突然壞掉 … 後面還緊隨著一串地獄天使 (飆車族? )..

Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your hat.
頭家告訴你: 不用脫掉帽子了.. (被炒了..)

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
在你的窗子外邊唱歌的鳥.. 是隻烏鴉。

You wake up and your braces are locked together.
醒來時，發現牙齒矯正器卡在一塊。

You walk to work, get there, and realize your dress is stuck in the back of your pantihose.
走路去上班，到達後，發覺到你的褲子穿反了。 (ps. 原文看不懂..)

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
打聽取留言電話，他們回答你”干你屁事”。

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
去赴一個盲目約會… 來的人是你的前妻。

Your income tax refund check bounces.
退稅支票被退票了。(ps. 不確定bounce的意思)

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
把兩副隱形眼鏡放進同一隻眼睛。

Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
你的老婆說，" 老陳.. 快醒醒".. 但你是老張…

http://www.quotesandjokes.com/jokes/badjokes.html

在網上看到這個改編經典名句:
久旱逢甘霖:一滴 他鄉遇故知:債主. 洞房花燭夜:隔壁 金榜題名時-:重名

重編如下:
久旱逢甘霖: 正開著新買的敞篷車在高速公路上..
他鄉遇故知: 上星期才被他捉姦在床.. 
洞房花燭夜: 靠! 這時候竟然X不起來  
金榜題名時: 台灣大學硏究所的榜單出現你的名字，但你報考的是台北大學..

The sweet rain falls after a long drought… 
  While you’re driving your newly open wagon on the highway.
To meet an old acquaintance in foreign land… 
   Who caught you sleeping his wife last week. 
The evening of wedding day...
   Damn it! You gotta get impotence, and there is no vigra at hand.
Your name is on the list of Harvard’s scholarship award…
   But, you have been applying for that of UCLA.