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| 2010/06/25 17:01:23瀏覽280｜回應2｜推薦0 | |
I confess my lower self-esteem fuel my self-loathing and self-doubt whenever I feel offended and hopeless. Being a mother of two less than 5-year-old-kids and a teacher in daylight really is just like a candle burning at two sides. The exhaustion and stress in routine life really make me weak in certain time. What’s worse, my partner is in worse mental and physical condition than me so that he hence has more chance to get stuck in bad emotional rut. His overwhelming workload disables him to share the responsibility of the parenthood, let along sparing positive and balanced energy and emotion to me. The language from his mouth is always negative in addition to his manners. So whenever I feel hurt by his indifferent and irritated words or manners, I would be afflicted by my loneliness, anger, and frustration. And it’s time for me to regain my self-love from my writing therapy. I know I need to launch life-affirming activities to my daily life in order to fight against this flaw in my relationship. When I feel I am not loved by others, especially my partner. When I feel I am not lovely and lovable. I desperately strive to fall in love with myself again. I want to be a good person. Light fills my being and radiate good energy and thoughts. And I finally realize without self-love, I have no foundation to uphold or contain love, self-esteem, and true potential. I will be very vulnerable and even attractive to negative thoughts. I always fancy that I have a partner who would give as much positive message as follow: I am a beautiful person. I deserve good things in my life. I am loved deeply. But the dream never come true and I am more aware that I can nurture my spirit, enjoy my existence, love myself, shower myself in gift, make my needs meet only by bathing myself in my literal self-love. When I have enough self-love, I will have more power to give my partner more love. I pray and wish that I could fall in love with my partner so that I can do what I want to receive from him: they some love words of encouragement every day and considerate action to make him feel high on life, happy, whole, and thrilled. I have waited him for so long that I stop expecting. I know that the only workable formula is that I love myself first and then I am empowered to face him with more gratitude and balance. So I keep brainstorming what back-into-love and self-love activities I can start? |
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