若干心理學研究發現有異曲同工之妙:根據在美國麻州退伍軍人紀念醫院所做實驗研究,與人交談時花80%時間講話、20%時間聽話的人,沒有各花一半時間講話、聽話的人來得討人喜歡。著名家庭治療心理學家暨明星諮商顧問Dr. I. C. Kassorla在深究[如何在情場、職場、以及嬉戲上成為贏家] (How to Win at Love, Work, and Play) 一書中,也指出喋喋不休的連珠炮,不僅惹人厭而且沒空去聽出對方的想法,聽眾好像在追趕一列飛快開過去、不斷冒出蒸氣的火車,開口閉口都是我我我當主詞,對你視若無睹,充耳不聞(Sometimes you may encounter people who seem
to be deaf to your words and ideas…When you speak with them – what I call “train
talkers” – you feel like you’re trying to catch a moving train that speeds along,
spewing out steam. No matter what you say,
train talkers just keep going, seemingly oblivious to your input and suggestions.
They carry on a monologue, ignoring your
comments, as though you weren’t there.)。為了應徵工作寫申請函,我認為也同理可證,如果大半篇幅都在自吹自擂,即使你艷若章子怡,倘若你事先沒有做好功課,探聽出大導演李安新片<<色戒>>諸如貌若樸實鄰家姑娘、又璞玉可雕琢等選角需求,而未能投其所好,標榜哪些自身條件可以符合對方想法,亦即以客(你)為尊的話,絕對淪落為輸家。
忠告::對方講話時,全神貫注地聆聽,別插嘴;贏家用心聽對方說,言者一分享完想法,贏家隨後對題回應。(Winners focus their full attention on what the other person is saying
to them without interruption. They listen,
then answer directly once he has finished sharing his ideas.)