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| 2021/07/25 05:49:14瀏覽22｜回應0｜推薦0 | |
| Welcome to the July 23, 2021 edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting. Once again there weren’t many non-spam submissions, but never fear as I have been submitting many posts that I’ve found around the blogosphere over the past month, which has bulked the carnival out a little. So let’s get started. :D
—– Jill presents Confronting the Gender Binary posted at Imagine Today. “I was at the glitter station with my assistant, supervising the kids adding some sparkle to their collages when one kid decided he’d rather have some glitter on himself, specifically his pants. I was just about to say something in response to his exclamation of the phrase “Glitter Pants!” and subsequent sprinkling of glitter onto his pants when a parent volunteer who happened to be walking by beat me to the punch – “Don’t do that,” she exclaimed, “you look like a girl!“ Out of all the possible responses she could have chosen she had to choose the one that places a (negative) value judgment on being a girl. Rather than learning that messing around with the glitter made a big mess and was annoying to all of the adults involved, what the kid took away from this exchange was that something he wanted to do (in this case, wearing glittery pants) was wrong not because it made a mess, but because it was somehow feminine.“ Ama Lee presents Personal Politics: An Interview with Rebecca Walker posted at Feminist Review. “One Big Happy Family is for you, your neighbors, the Supreme Court, and your uncle Robert. It’s for anyone doing family differently than the way it’s done on TV or at their grandmother’s house. It’s for people who are making up their version of family as they go along, following love and their own longing for connection. One Big Happy Family is for those who refuse to let love be defined by anything other than the truth of its existence. It’s a kind of Dr. Spock for the millions of people living life off the nuclear, hetero-normative grid.” Amy Sedgwick presents What does pride mean to you? posted at Red Tent Sisters. “As I glance across the room at this new family unit celebrating mother’s day for the first time, a wave of deep gratitude comes over me that we live in a city and country that has allowed these three people, whom I adore, to choose each other and to love each other, as they are meant to. I then look at my daughter, who, in great part due to Anya and Tara, has fluid ideas about love, family, sexual orientation, and choice. And my heart swells with pride. When it comes to LGBTQ rights, we may have a long way to go, but I am infinitely grateful for how far we have already come.” Gena presents Girly gamers posted at Deadly Stealth Frogs. “The article touched a nerve with me, mostly because I have an eleven year-old daughter who has blossomed into quite the gamer geek. Her favorite games right now are Super Smash Bros. Brawl, one of the Pokemon games (I don’t remember which one since there are about a dozen of them) and Pikmin. Most of her friends play at least one of these games as well, which leads to the question: why is there a need for video games marketed directly to young girls, and why must they involve the most lamest of themes? Over a third of gamers identify themselves as female, clearly this is not a reluctant market desperately in need of tapping. Are there really a few girls or women out there who are thinking to themselves “Gee, I’d really like to get into this video gaming trend, but there are so few games out there that appeal to what really interests me–clothes and makeup!” If that’s the case, please identify yourselves so that you may be actively avoided by the rest of polite society.” Three from Ellen Keim at Femagination – The Feminist Imagination Blog: What I’ve Learned About Being a Mother “4. If you are yourself, you will embarrass your children. If you try to act like them, you will embarrass your children. No matter what you do, you embarrass your children. 5. Keep a detailed journal. Your stories will never jibe with your children’s versions and it’s good to have proof. 6. You will not have time to keep a journal. 10. You will never again be lonely. Or alone. Even in the bathroom.“ Why More Mothers Aren’t Feminists “These reasons why mothers aren’t feminists fall into two main categories: insecurities about themselves and their children’s futures and a feeling that feminists are not interested in their fate. The ironic thing is, the majority of women who start out as feminists end up being mothers. What happens to their feminist ideology and identity then? Is it like losing your religion? Can’t you be a card-carrying feminist and a mother, too? We need to hear more from those mothers and childless feminists need to give more thought to their own futures. Even if they don’t want to have children, what kind of lives do they want for their “sisters” who do?” Taking Motherhood Seriously “One thing that feminism has achieved has been a universalizing of the importance of parenthood. Fathers have benefited from the privileges that women have been awarded. Time off for new parenthood is now available to both sexes. (Even though, in most instances, it is not paid time off—America’s record in this area is abysmal compared to other countries.) Ideally, both sexes would always benefit from things like quality and affordable day care, decent pay, flexible hours, and family leave. But as long as women are the primary caregivers—not just of children, but of the ill and the elderly as well—they deserve special dispensations that men may not get. If we’re not going to pay mothers for the services they provide, then let’s at least take them seriously and give them what they need to do the job.” Molly presents breastfeeding, sexism, and feminism posted at Feminist Childbirth Studies. “The point is that it seems easy to miss the forest for the trees here. Breastfeeding can end up contributing to resentment and being stuck in an unwanted domestic role because caregiving is gendered feminine and wildly undervalued in our society, and because we live in a capitalist culture that doesn’t give a shit about people, and because our culture tells us that pregnant women and mothers are public property and can be guilt-tripped, judged, and corrected by whomever pleases (and therefore often make ‘choices’ in a social context that undermines genuine and confident decision-making), and because a lot of people are grossed out by the idea of a woman feeding her child from her breast in public, rather than because of anything inherent to breastfeeding itself. All of that crap is what’s “antifeminist”–not breastfeeding itself.” And, as seems to be the tradition with this carnival so far, a whole bunch of submissions from me: Is a Woman in Labor a “Person”? New Assaults on Pregnant Women’s Civil Rights in a NJ Case posted at Huffington Post. “In the case, New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services v. V.M. and B.G., the New Jersey appellate court found that V.M. and B.G. had abused and neglected their child, based on the fact that the mother, V.M., refused to consent to a cesarean section and behaved erratically while in labor. The mother gave birth vaginally without incident, and the baby was “in good medical condition.” Then she was never returned to her parents, and the judge in the case approved a plan to terminate their parental rights and give custody of the child to foster parents. What, beyond the obvious, is wrong with this picture?” Pregnant Women As Incubators posted at Kittywampus. “If we start forcibly hospitalizing expectant mothers who smoke, we’re going to need to expand hospitals like we’ve expanded prisons. That’s going to be interesting when pandemic flu drives up the demand for beds. What will we say? “There’s no room in the hospital. We’re full up with pregnant smokers.” I’ve been following the debates over “fetal rights” for almost 20 years now, and this case is one of the scariest yet. If pregnant women were treated like Samantha Burton, they’d routinely be reduced to mere incubators. The people-growing pods from The Matrix look positively benign by comparison.” Is Feminist Motherhood An Oxymoron? posted at Single Spaced. “The fact that I have never been able to coalesce my ideas as a feminist and my ideas as a mom has really driven home the point of how necessary it is to be a consciously feminist parent. This definitely also speaks to the feeling that feminism largely ignores issues that mothers face. The truth of the matter is, mothers are devalued in every practical sense in American culture, and mothers of color are often demonized. The “Mommy Wars” still have lots of pull in the media and there are still books coming out on both sides women who actually have a choice between working or staying at home — NOW, say, thirty years after second wave feminism. Also of note: when a white mom doesn’t work and raises her children all day, she’s being a good mom, but when a brown mom does the same, she’s lazy and neglectful.” That Thing Shall Not Be Mentioned posted at Rosie Land. “As time has passed (both boys are now almost at school age) I realise that the more people I talk to, the more similar situations appear. Many mothers appear to be immediatley excluded as ‘viable candidates’ by recruiters or mothers have somewhat changed their goals and no longer want what they wanted prior to having kids. The only options many of us mummies have is to go it alone or opt for unchallenging minimum wage work that doesn’t even cover childcare costs…what’s the point in that? You may as well take it easier and have the opportunity to see your kids grow up. Some of us desperately try to hide our maternity gaps in our CVs. Others are blatantly stubborn and proud and mark out these lovely times in bold. It’s a really shame that it happens. (And I could go on…) The disappointing part is that no one seems to talk about it. Many people see blatant discrimination happen, but choose to stay quiet. I’ve been mostly quiet – till now of course!” De-Feminizing the Decision to Work posted at Equally Shared Parenting. “It’s a brave new gender-bending world! But yet, it isn’t. Even with these role switches becoming more common, the questions our culture asks women are still built on old assumptions. Will she work or stay home? Does she work because she wants to or because she has to? Can she find a job that gives her enough flexibility now that she’s a mother? We don’t ask these questions of men – still. Even as men are being laid off at rates far exceeding women’s lay-offs, our culture still considers the work/life puzzle to be mainly one that a woman must try to solve – either by finding a way to stay in the workforce full-time, downsizing her career, or staying home. All while society expects a man to march on in his usual breadwinning mission…until some outside force (maybe a lay-off, or perhaps the overwhelming logic of a wife with a far bigger paycheck) stops him.” Why Can’t Boys Wear (Insert Color Here)? posted at Stop, Drop and Blog. “When he came home from school on Thursday, I asked him if everyone in his class wore purple. He said, “No, just K.” (I also know that another girl had purple on but it wasn’t a “true” purple, more of a fuchsia, so it may have confused him.) Some background info about his class: three girls, eight boys. And, so, similar to last month, he was the only boy sporting the color of the month. This drives me somewhat insane. Why do we need to teach boys as young as three that they can’t wear certain colors? Why do we need them to be macho at such a young age? Should I have dressed him in navy blue and sent him to school grunting instead? Thankfully it sounds like no teasing occurred. But will it next year (he’ll be in the same class)? Or the following year when he moves up to the older class? When will he learn from other kids that “real men” don’t wear pink?” Slap Fighting the Pink Posse posted at Pacing The Panic Room. “People have asked, “what’s so incredible about not knowing? It seems stupid not to be prepared.” and I would always follow that up with, “prepared for what?” and the closest thing I ever received as an answer (beyond dying from curiosity), was so that we knew what color of clothes to buy for the child. Really!? Now, I promise I don’t mean this in any nasty offensive mean-spirited way, but that’s a pretty fucking stupid reason for finding out the sex of the baby. Honestly. But hey- that’s just me. I know that it’s vitally important to some people, and we are all different kinds of crazy and neurotic so I’m not judging anyone’s brand of lunacy, just laying mine out there and stating that I thought it was kind of absurd. What it did do, was get me thinking, and opened up many a discussion about gender roles and all of the things that we did not want to do to this baby, whether it be a boy or a girl. We started a kind of mental punch list of things that we would not project onto the baby, specifically Cole and I really opened up about how we felt about everything from the wearing of pink on girls – to boys being given footballs and jerseys before they could even hold their heads up. And it was made very clear how I felt about dressing little baby girls in ridiculous frilly foo-foo fairy princess clothes. I flat out forbid it. I don’t want it in our house, I do not want her to ever think that she is supposed to wear these things or she is weird. I am quite aware as she gets older, and develops tastes, and wants, and interests of her own that I will most likely have to endure some type of fairy princess phase, and I am fine with that. I will shower her with whatever kind of ridiculous play or fantasy that she wants to engage in. However just like I wont be cramming religion down her throat when she’s 2, I’m not filling her room with lace and fluff and painting the walls pink until the days comes that she requests it.” Pregnancy and Body Image posted at BlogHer. “I recognize that irony is at work here: almost every single issue of these magazines features photos of celebrities that are criticized for their bodies’ sizes. So while I’m hustling to keep my weight within a healthy range, there’s nothing like seeing a picture of thin Eva Langoria in Us telling people that she’s not pregnant, “just fat,” now that she has a barely detectable belly bulge. In that same issue, Us blasted the exceptionally thin female stars of the new 90210 show for being dangerously thin. What seems to be acceptable these days is a fine line – I think women are permitted to be a designer size 2 or 4 (which runs smaller than the size 2 or 4 you or I might find in a place like Ann Taylor or Wal-Mart), but certainly not below that and absolutely, under no circumstances, should they dare be above it. Is it any wonder that women and girls of all ages have severe body issues? The one group of women I always hope are extra-exempt from these ridiculous expectations are pregnant women. It’s bad enough that “mainstream” society expects women to be belly-less, hip-less, butt-less, and thigh-less (with standards of beauty varying among different cultures, but often no more attainable for the average woman), but no one would hold a pregnant woman to these standards, right? Wrong. In August, several media outlets ran headlines about the widespread phenomena about women who refuse to gain weight during pregnancy.” More Than a Traumatic Birth posted at TrueBirth. “Childbirth is regarded as the most painful episode of a woman’s life, but also the most joyful. When women speak of a traumatic birth experience, most assume it to be an extremely painful event, or that something necessitated an emergency situation. For some, that is all the traumatic event is; 12 hours of tortuous labor with a supportive person by their side. Or a drop in the baby’s heart rate that sends everyone scrambling to get him out before he’s harmed. But for some, the traumatic event goes much deeper. Sometimes women are held down while pleading to be let go; having vaginal exams forced on them; and their waters broken without giving consent. Some women call this Birth Rape, because it can be such a violent act that centers on their genitals, without their permission. The term is shocking, and upon hearing the stories of these women who have been assaulted, it is accurate.” Dana’s Take: Not Just a Girl posted at Green Pixels. “But I do know that as the parent of a daughter, I’ll be actively steering her away from games like this once she’s old enough to start playing them. Frankly, I find all the pink and shiny and rhinestone action combined with shopping and makeup and hair-centric activities pretty repulsive — I feel like it reinforces this unhealthy emphasis on external appearances and consumption being of the utmost importance. Lord help me if she comes to me and wants to play them. Hopefully, however, if I’m giving her a steady stream of fun games to play — games like Mario Kart and Lego Star Wars and Flower and Viva Pinata — she won’t be running for the shopping simulators. As Amanda pointed out to me, those games may get tween girls playing games, but it’s not going to turn them into gamers. If this genre is all they know, then once they outgrow it, they’ll quit playing altogether. Girls who grow up playing “real” games, on the other hand, will be more likely to keep gaming.“ Can You Be a Feminist At-Home Mom? posted at Eclectic Muddlehood. “Women need to begin paying close attention to this concept. We need to actually choose. And, pardon the terribly corny cultural reference, choose wisely. In my opinion, a feminist is a self-aware woman. A feminist is a woman who has taken the time to be introspective, to examine her core values carefully and make mindful choices that allow her to live her truth on a daily basis and support those who do the same. What does this woman look like? She comes in countelss varieties. She may look like a career woman who has decided that the calling she feels to her work outside the home is the best way to honor her true self and set a powerful example for her children about following their dreams. She may look like an at-home mother who feels that her true self is found in her devotion to the daily growth and development of her children. She may be an atheist. She may be a Biblical Christian. She may be an ardent liberal. She may be a staunch conservative. She may forego politics altogether. She may cook a four course meal for her family every night. She may be on a first name basis with the take out delivery person. She may have no children at all. She may have twenty. If she has consciously chosen her path, believes she is honoring her calling in life with all her heart and is striving to mindfully live her truth to the best of her ability every day of her life, then in my book– she’s a feminist.” Tragic Loss of AZ State Treasurer’s Wife and Newborn Son Brings Home Reality of Maternal Mortality posted by Kristin Davis at Empowher. “Nearly 600 women in the US die in childbirth each year. Back in the 1980’s and 90’s, maternal mortality was at a steady rate of 7 to 8 deaths for every 100,000 live births. According to the CDC, this rate increased to 12 to13 maternal deaths for every 100,000 live births in 2004. This rise of maternal deaths could correlate with the fact that more women are having children later in life, as well as the fact that there are more births by C-section which involve more risks. Doctors don’t like to talk about losing patients, and the risk of dying while giving birth is an especially scary topic that is most often avoided. When Arizona State Treasurer Dean Martin publicly announced the death of his wife and newborn son just a couple of hours ago, he did not touch on the cause of their deaths. Instead, he mentioned that what had happened with his wife and son during the birth was a rare occurrence and that expectant women shouldn’t be worried. But with our country’s maternal death rate increasing, it would appear that we should be worried. And talking about it.” Why boys don’t wear pink, and why girls do posted at Hobo Mama. “I’m going to agree with the idea that gender is much more complicated than just clothing since it’s so bound up in all things cultural. Colors and styles can’t have an innate and immutable meaning or there would not be such variation across cultures and over time (long hair perfect for men vs. short hair the only legitimate option, white for mourning vs. white for weddings, makeup for everyone vs. only for women, etc.) Instead, we learn the rules in a hundred different ways, starting from that first appropriately hued blanket wrapped around us at birth. At least within my own (sub)culture, there are also religious aspects to how we raise our children to be acceptably gendered, and then there are just routine and unexamined aspects. We reach for the blue romper for the boy without questioning, and we coo over the dress with the pink flowers for the girl.” Some Cautious *Good* News on Forced Cesareans posted at Kittywampus. “Harding notes that the appellate court did uphold termination of V.M.’s parental rights, and that this would likely not have happened if her refusal of a c-section hadn’t already been framed as negligence and triggered scrutiny by the state. But once V.M. and B.G. were in the system, no court could ignore evidence of their unfitness. The couple failed to show up for a custody hearing, a psychologist was allegedly assaulted during a home visit, and another psychiatrist eventually found V.M. to be suffering from paranoid schizophrenia for which she refused medication. For these reasons, the appellate court ruled that the baby belonged in foster care. Harding is agnostic about whether the higher court decided correctly, and I agree that we don’t know enough to judge the case, ourselves. But reporters and bloggers need to acknowledge that this case isn’t solely about forced cesareans. In our zeal to defend reproductive rights, it doesn’t help to fudge the facts. We can condemn the doctors and the lower court for violating V.M.’s basic right to bodily integrity and autonomy. At the same time, we can and should celebrate the appellate court’s clear judgment, which reaffirms that women enjoy those basic rights – even when they’re pregnant.” It takes a village to raise a child posted at PhD in Parenting. “I hear a lot of people say, I couldn’t possibly do attachment parenting because I’m a working mom or I couldn’t possibly do attachment parenting because I have to use day care. I don’t think that is true at all. For me personally, the fact that I am a working mom makes me feel it is even more important to practice attachment parenting because it makes it easier to create the strong bond I want to have with my children despite the fact that I have less time with them than a stay at home mom does. But, I couldn’t be an attached mom if it was all on my shoulders. I think when people practicing attachment parenting get burned out, it is because they are trying to do too much alone. It takes some work to create a village, especially in our very nuclear family based society. But I think it is worth it in the end. If you don’t have family nearby, seek out friends that can be part of your village.” An apology to my present self from the former posted at Noble Savage. “I didn’t know that I didn’t have to be a complete douchebag to be a parent. I also didn’t realise just how hard it is. “Controlling” a child is a completely laughable and utterly stupid expression. I should no more assume I can control my child than I can control my husband, or him me. Children are people, fully fledged human beings with feelings, thoughts and impulses and they are LEARNING. They are learning and exploring and testing and growing and we should be there just to make sure they don’t kill themselves or someone else in the process. When’s the last time mass chaos, murder and mayhem erupted from an incidence of running in a library for three minutes? Where is the erosion of society’s moral fabric in something so demonic as singing loudly in a grocery store? Isn’t it silly, all these expectations and pressure we place not only on parents to control but on children, to be controllable? So, Former Self, get off your high-horse, you impetuous, stupid, arrogant girl. And next time you see a kid running in public, his mother charging around behind trying to “control” the situation while you stare and tut, give yourself a punch in the face and then get up off your imperious ass and go give her a hand. At the very least, stick a leg out so the kid trips and she can catch him.” —– That concludes this edition. Remember, this carnival can’t exist without YOU! So please, please submit your (or someone else’s!) blog post or article to the next edition of the Carnival of Feminist Parenting using our carnival submission form. The next edition will be posted on Sunday 13th September, so the submission deadline will be Sunday 6th September. Past posts and future hosts can be found on the Carnival Home Page. Thanks for reading, folks! |
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