When I noticed she called me more than five times, I felt guity for not being able to show up in the gathering. Looking at the screen of my cell phone with a long list of her name, suddenly I became speechless but felt like crying.

I am so sorry for falling short of her expectations.

I feel guilty for letting her feel disappointed with me for not showing up.

I know the good intention of hers to hold the gathering today.

But......................I don't know.......

I don't know what I am thinking about.

I am not sure what I focus on recently.

Maybe I just indulge myself in the world of fantasy.

Maybe I just let myself have my own way so carefreely.

Maybe I just wish to be alone and taste the bitterness or happiness of being isolated.

It seems I care nothing particular, but something unknown.

It seems I prefer to face all the worries, anxieties or fears alone.

It seems I am not ready to talk about my complicated thoughts and wonders which are twisted and entangled together.

Maybe I think the best solution is " Let it be the way it should be." When it is about time, I'll be wise enough to climb, crawl, walk, jump, run or even fly away from the trap which is set by myself.

Haha, I prefer to be locked and kept inside my trap until I want to be freed by myself.

Haha, sometimes, being passive is an active act. Being active is a passive act as well.

Don't worry about me. I will be fine.

I feel so sorry that I disappointed her. Sorry.