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| 2007/09/16 13:08:50瀏覽534｜回應0｜推薦8 | |
| 回覆: FW:Virgin Angry 處女之怒~What do you suggest ? 給個建議吧?
Dear Sexless, 親愛的無性者 First of all, you should not have asked anything, especially your concern, to a Judaism Rabbi. You are a Catholic (for God’s sake); you are different species running around the faith landscape and the religious jungle. 首先妳不該向一個猶太教教士問任何問題﹐由其是問那種問題﹐妳是一個天主教徒﹔在信仰的地界及宗教的叢林裡你們是屬不同的物種。 Do you suppose an impala will ask a giraffe if the scrumptious looking leafy stuff on the top of a tall thorny tree is good enough to eat? 妳總不會以為一隻羚羊會去問一隻長頸鹿那些長在高樹頂滿佈荊棘看起來豐美的葉子好吃嗎﹖(影射飲食男女) Of course not! Even before you would like to ask the question, and no matter how those foliages look tempting, you know that they are way out of your league. 當然不會﹗即使在妳開口問之前﹐同時不論那些葉子有多誘人﹐妳已知道那件事於妳是不搭嘎的(隱喻因為那是別人的事﹐不是妳的事)。 But, don’t be discouraged, especially for a girl without sex experience, at least, you don’t have to wake up one morning only to find out you’re HIV positive. 尤其是對一個沒有性經驗的女孩子而言﹐不要泄氣﹐至少妳不會有天一大早醒來發現你是愛滋帶原。 Please remember this, whatever you do, don’t explain to your new date on your first outing that you are actually a hundred percent USDA certified no-boloney virgin. The reason is simple, you see, the more you try to highlight your virginity the more people will ridicule. Well, you get the idea. 請謹記這個﹐不論妳做什麼﹐不可在第一次約會時向對方解釋妳是個如假包換的處女﹐理由很簡單﹐妳越解釋妳是處女﹐人家越會想歪﹐妳定了解此意。 Just for the record, being a virgin is not a born DNA defected mutant. If a born to have membrane, which situates in the certain part of you body, bothers you that much, you always have the option to use a DC (no AC please, it’s not only more dangerous to operate but has a string attached) operated electric vibrator to shoot the nuisance dead in its track (Oh, please follow the original manufacture’s product instruction carefully.) 說白了﹐做個處女絕不是生下來就是個DNA有缺陷的怪胎﹐假如妳覺得與生俱來身體某部份的一層薄膜竟然如此困擾妳的話﹐那妳永遠有選擇是否用電池操作的震蕩器(請不要用交流電操作的﹐不但危險同時還有線牽扯)將那層煩惱一舉殲滅 (哦﹗請小心參照原廠說明書)。 One more thing, being a virgin is nobody else’s damn business. It’s your decision and your decision alone to keep the status quo or otherwise. Besides, if you get married someday further down the road, believe me, you’re husband would be will appreciate your conservative attitude toward the interpersonal relationship and will certainly regard you highly. 再者﹐當個處女又不關別人他媽的閑事﹐那是妳的決定妳一個人的決定是否繼續當下去或是另謀他圖。再說﹐日後若有一天妳結婚了的話﹐相信我﹐妳未來的丈夫定會感激妳對人際關係的保守態度同時也定會尊敬妳。 Finally, I’d like to say this you are still in your minted condition. I have failed to see what the heck in the world that you want to spoil it. So, read my lips! Virginity is not a social disease; it’s the matter of choice. Those have-nots are jealous of those haves. 最後﹐我要說妳還是個原裝貨﹐我實在想不出個理由妳為何要破壞它。 所以聽清楚了﹗處女不是什麼花柳病﹔它只不過是種選擇。那些非處女的人妒嫉是處女的人。 Hopefully, after taking in all above babbling, there will be no harm done on your psyche. 希望讀完此文後﹐沒有傷到妳的心。 後記﹕因為此信回答的對象應是個洋人﹐故此文用了許多雙關語及美式幽默﹐在中文中不易(無解釋的)表達﹐還望個位仁兄仁姊見諒。 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 拙作曾在以下URL刊登: https://city.udn.com/v1/city/forum/article.jsp?aid=1187427&no=344&raid=1189941#rep1189941 |
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