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最高尚的樂器(續二)
2007/10/23 01:38:10瀏覽560|回應5|推薦9


麥先生不久即恢復常態,勇敢地朝我笑笑,説是假如我要休息片刻,他可以答應。他似乎認爲我想要躺下才能復原。我並不感覺到需要躺下。我只想快些上完課。然而麥先生卻感到軟弱,他還不能讓我接著拉。他失望地朝四周望望,看見琴譜,說他現在要教我這個。我們並排坐在窗前的座位上,琴譜放在膝上,他用手指點著音符,一一告訴我它們的名詞。
歇了一會,他覺得好些,便拿起自己的小提琴,叫我看他,並注意他處理琴絃的方法。然後他終於鼓起勇氣,讓我再拿起小提琴。「輕一些,我的孩子,輕一些。」他求我,隨即面牆站著
...
那天下午我們總算敷衍過去,但那真是可怕的經驗。一部分的時間,他因我繼續彈奏錯而生氣;另一部分時間,他實在可憐。他好像病了。他不時地看錶,搖搖它看它是否停了;但他教足了一小時。
這是星期三。他在星期五我上第二課之前,内心如何掙扎,我只能模糊地想像,當然在那時我根本沒有想到這一點。他又來開始教我,但是他變了——他的態度變硬。他由生氣而變得嚴厲;他由悲哀而變爲悲恨。他對我並非不好,但我們已不是伴侶。他低聲地自言自語;有時他拿些碎紙在上面做算術,然後抑鬱地又將它們扯碎。
在我第三次上課時,我看見他淚珠盈眶。他走向父親說,他很抱歉,但是他實在感覺到我決計學不會拉提琴。
父親對於這點頗不高興。他說他認爲我一定可以。他簡短兩句話打發了麥先生——這位可憐的人在兩分鐘之内蹣跚著下來。在這短短的時間内,他曾熱情勇敢地走上去,決心要爲了說實話而犧牲他的薪水。他回來時薪水仍然可得,但是看上去像是掉了魂的人,似乎他的神經與腦筋的健全已命裏注定要毀壞。他的精神不振,更加自言自語。有時他苛刻地談起美國,有時怨命。
但是他不復掙扎。他將這件事歸罪於他的命運。他視我為一樣不幸的東西,不是屬於人類的,他必須盡量和它一同努力。這是一件可怕,甚至於像入地獄的經驗,但是他認爲他必須忍受。
他不是唯一的人——至少他不是唯一受罪的人。母親,雖然預先想到最壞的結果,也曾試著對這件事樂觀;但在一二星期後,我聽見她告訴麥格麗這件事。我正在前面的地下室「殺雞」,母親走下來站在通廚房的過道門口,輕聲地說,「哎,麥格麗!」
我注視她們。麥格麗正在烤蛋糕。她歪扭著臉,舉起雙臂,然後捏緊著拳頭,再將手臂放下來。
「我不知道我們該怎麽辦,麥格麗。」
「這可憐的小人,」麥格麗低聲說。「他不會弄那個東西。」

 


Herr M. presently came to and smiled bravely at me, and said if I wanted to rest a moment he would permit it. He seemed to think I might wish to lie down awhile and recover. I didn’t feel any need of lying down. All I wanted was to get through the lesson. But Herr M. was shaken. He was by no means ready to let me proceed. He looked around desperately saw the music book, and said he would show me that. We sat down side by side one the window-seat, with the book in his lap, while he pointed out the notes to me with his finger, and told me their names.

After a bit, when he felt better, he took up his own violin, and instructed me to watch him and note how he handled the strings. And then at last, he nerved himself to let me take my violin up again. ”Softly, my child, softly,” he begged me, and stood facing the wall….

We got through the afternoon somehow, but it was a ghastly experience. Part of the time he was maddened by the mistakes I kept making, and part of the time he was plain wretched. He covered his eyes. He seemed ill. He looked often at his watch, even shook it as though it had stopped; but he stayed the full hour.

That was Wednesday. What struggles he had with himself before Friday, when my second lesson was due, I can only dimly imagine, and of course I never even gave them a thought at the time. He came back to recommence teaching me, but he had changed-he had hardened. Instead of being cross, he was stern; and instead of sad, bitter. He wasn’t unkind to me, but we were no longer companions. He talked to himself, under his breath; and sometimes he took bits of paper, and did little sums on them, gloomily, and then tore them up.

During my third lesson I saw the tears come to his eyes. He went up to Father and said he was sorry but he honestly felt sure I’d never be able to play.

Father didn’t like this at ll. He said he felt sure I would. He dismissed Herr M. briefly-the poor man came stumbling back down in two minutes. In that short space of time he had gallantly gone upstairs in a glow, resolved upon sacrificing his earnings for the sake of telling the truth. He returned with his earnings still running, but with the look of a lost soul about him, as though he felt that his nerves and his sanity were doomed to destruction. He was low in his mind, but he talked to himself more ever. Sometimes he spoke harshly of America, sometimes of fate.

But he no longer struggled. He accepted this thing as his destiny. He regarded me as an unfortunate something, outside the human species, whom he must simply try to labor with as well as he could. It was a grotesque, indeed a hellish experience, but he felt he must bear it.

He wasn’t the only one –he was at least not alone in his sufferings. Mother, thought expecting the worst, had tried to be hopeful about it, but at the end of a week or two I heard her and Margaret talking it over. I was slaughtering a scale in the front basement, when mother came down and stood outside the door in the kitchen hall and whispered, “ Oh, Margaret!”

I watched them. Margaret was baking a cake. She screwed up her face, raised her arms, and brought them down with hands clenched.

“I don’t know what we shall do, Margaret.”

“The poor little feller,” Margaret whispered. “he can’t make the thing go.”


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引用網址:https://classic-blog.udn.com/article/trackback.jsp?uid=erlingwuliu77&aid=1318246

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LJ
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好棒!!!
2007/10/27 01:40
呵呵呵,“大功告成,親個嘴!“

西岸魚。。。
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用用看 notepad
2007/10/26 05:56

word  的程式比較複雜 (裡面有一些暗藏的架構)

妳去文章修改處  把文章英文部份 copy 起來

paste 到 window notepad  在notepad做修改  去掉過多的空行   

從notepad 再copy  回到文章區

 

(我在"最高尚的樂器"第一篇 有類似的回應   那裡的版面需要改一下)

linju的“新瓶裝舊酒”(erlingwuliu77) 於 2007-10-27 01:52 回覆:
曾問過小孩,notepad是做什麽的,跟word有什麽不一樣,她答得簡單,且言下之意有些瞧不起notepad的味道,我聼得當然也不是很專心,不過也就隨著不大理會notepad了。如今方知,簡單也有簡單的道理。
linju的“新瓶裝舊酒”(erlingwuliu77) 於 2007-10-27 01:53 回覆:
我真高興昨天去你家坐了一下!

LJ
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還是很無奈
2007/10/25 01:35
在word裏排得好好的,即使放到城邦的編輯區裏也看起來很正常,就是最後告訴他確定發表以後,出來就是那樣啊。

雪人娘
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別洩氣!
2007/10/24 10:45
用WOERRD修改非常快。一篇來回10分鐘左右搞定!

LJ
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能看就好
2007/10/23 01:39
算了,以後再慢慢研究