【一】

有一對中年夫婦，育有二個非常美麗的女兒，但一直沒有兒子，經過多年努力，皇天不負苦心人，太太懷胎十月生下了一個健康的小男孩。
這位快樂的爸爸喜沖沖地跑進產房看他剛出生的兒子，但第一眼就被嚇壞了，兒子長得不像自己，而且奇醜無比。先生越想越不對，顧不得老婆還在休養，很凶惡的責問她：「你是不是背著我偷漢子？」
太太面帶羞色地說：「這一次沒有。」

【二】 《Experimental Pill》



A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex.
He gives her a pill but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that.
About a week later she's back at the doctor and tells him, "The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said.
It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table."
The doctor says, "Oh dear -- I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
The lady replied, "That's very kind - but I don't think the restaurant will let us back in anyway."

【三】 《Young Executive》

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy..."

【四】

有一對雙胞胎兄弟，兩人長得十分相像，但到了30 歲那年，兩人的相貌突然發生劇烈變化，變得完全不同。為什麼？
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因為兄弟像（象）只有 29 年。

【五】

有兩兄弟晚上睡覺，蚊子很多。
兄：「把燈關掉蚊子就找不到我們了。」
後來飛來了一隻螢火蟲。
弟：「哥哥！哥哥！蚊子提燈籠來咬我們了啦！」

【六】

名聞全國的補教界的英語名師甄惠辟在課堂誇下海口：「憑我的造詣，沒有什麼成語不知道的！」
於是同學紛紛發問。
甲：「People mountain people sea.」
師：「小 case，『人山人海』！」
乙：「Three hearts two meanings.」
師：「簡單，『三心二意』！」
丙：「Look through autumn water.」
師：「望穿秋水。」
丁：「Blue who say and who's.」
師：「是『不入虎穴焉得虎子』啦！」
戊：「那 …『Even game win, even so whole.』呢？」
師：「嗯？這個 …… 我想 ……　」
過了十分鐘。
師：「真的被你們考倒了，什麼意思啊？」
戊生得意地說：「一分耕耘，一分收穫。」

【七】

有個媽媽帶著一對雙胞胎兒子去買衣服，店員把衣服拿過來讓他們試穿後就走開了，母親氣憤地說：「你為什麼不讓他們照一照鏡子，看看是不是合身？」
店員無辜地說：「為什麼？他們只要互相看看就可以了。」

【八】

A man sees his wife is busy in the kitchen and says: "Can I help?"
一個男人看到太太在廚房裡忙著，問道：「我能幫你嗎？」

She says, "Sure, take this bag of potatoes, peel half of them and put them in a pot to boil."
太太說：「好啊，拿那袋土豆（馬鈴薯），一半削皮，放在鍋裡煮。」

No matter what men do, somehow, we still get yelled at...
男人不管做什麼，最後總是會挨駡。



【九】

專家有很多種，有一種是專門害人家。

【十】

某人出生那年，做爹的找了一個威名顯赫的算命大師替他算命，大師說他有帝王之相，長大以後出入有車，天天經進出豪華酒店及名勝古蹟，無論走到哪都得搖旗呐喊，後面總是有一群人緊緊跟隨。
光陰似箭，日月如梭，那人後來做了
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導遊。

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