I need to be more conscious, aware, and alert.

I don’t want to go through life on automatic, doing life as it comes along or others' expect.

I have waked up by the death of a loved one, a miracle, a near death experience, the birth of a child, a farewell, a marriage, a spiritual experience, a great accomplishment, a serious illness, an award, losing a chance, and so on.

However, sometimes I feel living my live asleep.

When am I present and awake?

When I am fully in my body at full attention to what I am doing at that very moment.

Moment to moment presence is very difficult to achieve. Sometime I am seconds behind or ahead of myself.

I can not enjoy the present.

And it’s always high time to change-- giving up thinking about being anything. I think it means being at the present only.

So what’s the first step?

Be simple, but become aboudant.

Get less but enjoy more.

And then I find that I like to be alone when and where I can stop thinking but just be here and now. 

I am alone most of time except for spending time with kids, husband, and students.

I collect all rest time for myself alone. I am alone with myself doing what I like.

I have most passion for myself and my interest when and where I would completedly enjoy my desire for certainitand and comfort; variety and uncertainity; love and connection; growthand significance; and contribution.

To certain extent, my too-extreme-self-center is apparently selfish.

But I find that the brightest insight and awareness of life is that I am here and there only with myself but nothing else.

It’s all my own perception, feelings, and stories.

I wake up, alone but happy without fear!