I find that I am in a shut-in stage now, leading a reclusive life without enough motivation and attention to others’ life.

In the working place, I am completed absorbed in my teaching job without sparing other time socializing with other coworkers.

Chit-chatting or any skin-deep socialization can not satisfy me but make me feel a waste of time.

I prefer to have my own time or activity-schedule. In other words, I prefer to be alone most of time.

Without doubt, I spend all of my time in having intimate relationship with myself than others.

Would it imply that I become a more self-serving person?

Nope, I fear and I don’t want to!

Maybe the too narrow-minded working place makes me choose to isolate myself in order to free from gossip, criticism, and doubt.

I prefer to spend my time in singing a song when I am with my students.

                       playing an instrument in my leisure time.

                       achieving teaching targets in my teaching hours.

                       realizing health from my self-development books.

                       finding a love in my wring therapy.

                       stepping into adventures in my imagination from films.

                       nurturing relationship from my reading inspiration.

Those things inspire me as deep within as any intimate relationships.

As getting old and getting busier, it’s difficult to develop intimate relationship with new people, especially in crowded working place.

But in part of me, I aspire to interact with a variety of people to expand and enrich my limited life experiences. I find only through self reading and writing can not keep my mind sharp or increase my chance of success. I need something different: inspiration, information, a unique bond, novelty, or momentary companionship.

With new friends or strangers, I am often freer and expressive than my old acquaintances that tend to typecast us. I need new audience and eyes to play different roles in my life.

I hence target to find the relationship that makes me have sense of belonging which will not make me feel I am alone.

In the past, I shoulder lots of responsibility and burden, my demanding and misfortune forced me to isolate myself from those in carefree condition coworkers or friends. I dared not to bother them by my depression, stress, and complaint. So I have been alone for a long time till I get married and my ill brother died when my life get into a freer phrase.

In the past, I can be alone and completely independent but now living far away from my families and families-in-law and being a mother of two kids, I need more correct perspective and suggestion to make daily decision. And I also realize that as getting old, the challenge would mount as my age grows.

As a result, to make mentor-like friends is more preferable then making fine-weather friends. I don’t fear to live like hermit without skin-deep socialization, but my mind can not live without guide.

So I choose to make friends with different generation and background which can provide a window into another phrase of life.

I am still collecting those acquaintances who can inspire me deep within.

I am only available to make intimate relationship with myself and those who enlighten me in my such a short life.