以下節錄自Mars and Venus: Starting Over, A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One. 很實用喔，就當作是唸書一樣，就可以治療自己

1.      Listen again and again to songs or music that touches your soul.

2.      Go to movies or watch videos that make you cry.

3.      Read one of your favorite kinds of books or join a book club to discuss a book.

4.      Go on an adventure, even if it is just for a day. Take time to create a new experience for yourself, to experience yourself in a new way.

5.      Go dancing or do something fun. Grieving doesn’t mean being down all the time. We need time to do things that will also lift our spirits by being around others who are having a good time. It is okay if this brings up more sadness.

6.      Drive around to the places where you spent special times with your partner or return to the place where you first met.

7.      Read old letters to and from your partner.

8.      Imagine the presence of your partner in front of you and pour out all your feelings, believing or imagining that he can hear you and respond to you. This can also be done by asking a friend to sit in front of you and role-play being your partner. All your friend has to do is to hold your hands and to listen.

9.      Watch home videos of your time together.

10.  Continue to burn a long-burning candle in her memory or burn scented candles to remind you of the sweetness of your love.

11.  Look over your photo album alone and then with friends. Pick a different friend each time and it will enrich the experience. Tell stories of old times together.

12.  Put together a book of his life for family and friends.

13.  Keep certain of her personal effects around you.

14.  Keep his picture up near your bed. Say good night and good morning to his picture.

15.  Tell your story of the loss or breakup to all your friends one by one. Each time you tell it, you will be healing a new layer of pain and opening up to more love.

16.  Join a support group to tell your story. Listen to others share their stories of love. Hearing their pain will assist you in feeling your own. Each week share your experiences of gradually getting better.

17.  Take a healing workshop to surround yourself with others who are sharing a similar experience. The process of healing is always easier with the support of a group.

18.  Go on some kind of group activity or vacation. Sharing with others in some new experience will help nurture the new you.

19.  Make a list of all your partner’s good qualities and share it with your friends, again one at a time.

20.  Participate in chat rooms on the Internet. Being anonymous can be very liberating. You can test your new wings out. Try being totally honest and experiencing a new freedom.

21.  Learn something new in honor of your partner. Take a class in something new or something that your partner was interested in.

22.  Buy a gift for yourself and imagine that it is a gift from your partner. Think of what he would want you to have to comfort you in your grief and then get it for yourself.

23.  Remember some behavior that you do simply because your partner liked it and then continue doing it to remember her.

24.  Put flowers on her grave or in front of her picture, every day for a week, once a week for three months, and once a month for the next year. Then once a year, on her birthday, for the rest of your life.

25.  Make a list of how he contributed to your life and the lives of others. Ask others this question as well.

26.  Express your feelings of gratitude to her in a letter.

27.  Write a letter from him encouraging you and mail it to yourself.

28.  Dedicate a special part of the garden to him/her.

29.  Buy something beautiful to put on your mantel at this time to remind you of her.

30.  Write a forgiveness letter, forgiving him/her for every mistake that you can remember, have a friend or therapist role play him/her while you read your letter, As you read your letter, imagine your partner is listening.

31.  Write an apology letter, acknowledging every mistake you think you made. Role-play this with a therapist or friend.

32.  Write a letter from her forgiving you for your mistakes and mail it so you receive it later. Role-play this with a therapist or friend. Close your eyes and imagine as your therapist reads the letter that your partner is speaking.

33.  Write an apology letter from him/her to you and mail to yourself. Role-play this as well. Have the therapist read the apologies. With your eyes closed, express your forgiveness and any other feelings.

34.  Think of a charity your partner cared about or believed in and make a donation in her name, particularly if there is some public recognition associated with it, like a little plaque of some kind.

35.  Cearte a special time one hour a day to do healing exercises or listen to healing-the-heart tapes and do visualization exercises. Pick a special music to play each time you grieve your loss.

36.  Tell your friends that grieving makes you feel better. Although it is painful, it feels good to feel our love for our partner. Otherwise, your friends will become impatient with you for taking so long to grieve a loss. If they haven’t been through it they just can’t understand.

37.  Take time to hear the stories of others who have lost love. By putting yourself in their shoes you experience that you are not alone. Your loneliness becomes less.

38.  Go somewhere new and meet some new people. New experiences always bring out something new within ourselves.

39.  Get a new pet to take care of. Caring for a pet can soothe and heal your heart. It will also make you feel young.

40.  Reach out and ask for the support of your friends. They will gladly give it. Ask them to invite you for dinner. IF they seem to be avoiding you, it is only because they don’t know what to say or how to behave. They would love to know what they can do for you.

41.  Don’t rush the healing process. Plan to be in the grieving process for three to nine months. You pick the number. If you don’t plan it then you may avoid this special time of healing. You will rush by this special window of opportunity to heal you heart. This will be the most special memory of your life.

42.  Center yourself in the present using this ritual each morning when you wake up: Look in the mirror and say aloud, “Right now in my life, I am in the process of . . .” Complete the sentence each time with the next thought that comes to mind. Repeat this ten times.

43.  Imagine something special you would be doing this week if your partner was still with you and then do that.

44.  Imagine how you would feel if you fully believed that what happened was perfect.

45.  Count your blessings. Oftens, when we are grieving a loss, we forget to appreciate what we do have.

46.  Be patient with yourself. Instead of getting frustrated when you experience a setback, reward yourself with a treat.

47.  If you become depressed, rent ten funny videos and watch them in one day.

48.  Ask your friends for a hug. When we have lost a source of affection in our lives, we can still get the touch we need by asking for hugs. Simply say, “Would you give me a hug?”

49.   Get a massage every week. Physical touch is just as important as love. To heal our hearts we must also take care of our bodies.

50.  Give yourself permission to feel that life isn’t fair. Reflect on the dreams and goals that you had hoped to share together. Feel your disappointment and write a letter expressing your feelings.

51.  Don’t try to be “up” and in a good mood for your friends. Give yourself permission to hit bottom. It is only by accepting the waves of grief that you will heal your heart. By respecting the healing process, the pain will go away completely and permanently.

52.  If you were in Jerusalem you could visit the Wailing Wall to experience other people in grief; a modern equivalent is going to a workshop on healing the past or on grieving the loss of a loved one.

53.  If you didn’t get to say good-bye the way you wished, then sitting with a friend or therapist, close your eyes, hold hands facing each other with eyes closed, and imagine having an opportunity to say good-bye. Role-play the situation exactly the way you would want it. Switch roles and imagine what your partner would say as well.

54.  If you feel guilty about the loss because you feel that you could have done something, share this notion with a friend or therapist. To help find self-forgiveness, make it up. Commit yourself to doing something good for someone in need. Give of yourself the way you wish you had given to them. Make a gift of love and support to someone in need. Giving of ourselves always helps us to let go of guilt or shame.

55.  Connect back to the earth. Go for a walk in the morning. If weather permits, walk barefoot on the grass. Breathe deeply the fresh air of the early morning.

56.  If you feel a need to get away to heal yourself, take early vacation leave from your job as soon as possible. They will understand your situation.

57.  Cut out his/her obituary in the paper and read it every few days.  

58.  Have a friend videotape or record the funeral service and reception afterwards to replay later when you really need that comfort. Sometimes we are still in shock when the funeral occurs. It can be days after the funeral before our pain comes up, and that is when we really need the support the most. Have your friend with the video camera or tape recorders ask others to say the things that they loved about your partner. Have them each tell a little story of how they met your partner and what kind of person they thought he or she was. Then at times watch the video or listen to the tape.

59.  Repeat to yourself, “I will get through this.” Remember other people have been through this. Soon the pain will be gone.

60.  Remember when you first met; write a letter of gratitude to the person who introduced you and send it.

61.  Write a letter to the complaint department of the universe. Vent all your feelings of anger, resentment, and hurt. Then explore the other levels of feelings like sadness, fear, and sorrow. Write a response letter from God or and angel and mail it to yourself.

62.  Ask a friend to come over to just hang out. Let him/her know that he/she doesn’t have to say anything. Practice just being together with no talking or doing anything. No TV, no cooking, no reading. Just go for a walk or sit for an hour looking at the sunset or the moonrise. The peace you feel will comfort your soul.

63.  Give yourself permission to be like a child. If your loss brings up unresolved issues of the past, go to the zoo or a fun theme park with a friend or family member. Be around children who are having fun.

64.  Go to weddings, Surrounding yourself with love is the best cure. It will bring up grief, but it will be healing.

65.  If you enjoy competitive sports, don’t hold back. Keep competing. In particular, sports can help a man get in touch with his feelings of aliveness and desire.

66.  Go to church and pray to God. In your heart, share your deepest feelings of inadequacy. Feel God’s grace surrounding you and carrying you during this dark night of your soul.

67.  Put yourself first. This is your time to be pampered. Release any obligations that are making your life crazy. You are grieving a loss and have other things that you have to do right now.

68.  If you friends don’t ask you about your feelings, let them know what you need. Tell them, “I am feeling a lot of grief and I just need to feel sorry for myself for ten minutes. All you have to do is listen and I will feel better. I just need to get it out.” Once they have agreed, then talk about times you remember with your partner and let your sadness come up as you speak.

69.  Don’t hold back your tears. It is okay to cry. Some may need to be alone to cry. That is okay too. Crying is good for the soul. For a really good cry listen to the music of the Broadway play Les Miserables. Better yet, go to see it and then listen to the album over and over.

70.  Be careful to minimize conflict and avoid fights regarding the division of property. If a family member fights, try to remember that what he is really upset about is the loss. In handling the settlement after a divorce, have a long separation so you have done most of your healing before the actual divorce settlement is decided on.

71.  When you are in pain, don’t keep it a secret. This is the time to reach out and bare your soul.

72.  After a death or divorce, don’t tell your children they have to be strong. Don’t share all your grief with your children; instead, be there for them as much as possible. Handle most of your grief while they are in school or you are away from them. Don’t look to your children for solace. Doing so will prevent them from looking to you for solace.

73.  Don’t make it worse than it is. Just as it is wrong to encourage your children not to grieve, it is also important not to make it a bigger loss than they experience it to be. It may be a while before they are able to deal with their feelings. They may become very upset about other things. The best approach is to listen. Ask the question, “What else is bothering you?” again and again.

74.  When you see others in love and begin to feel sorry for yourself, do an anger process. While looking in the mirror, express what you are angry about for a couple of minutes, then express what you want for a few minutes, and then affirm out loud what you deserve for a few minutes. You will feel better immediately.

75.  When your ex-partner is praised and you become envious or angry, take some time to write out a list of your secret fears. Fears like “I will never be loved again” or “I am not good.” Then finish the exercise with expressing what you feel grateful for.

76.  Do some community service, particularly around people who will appreciate what you have to offer.

77.  Ask yourself how you would feel if you knew for sure that in two years your life would be filled with love and you would be happy again. Then visualize this with your eyes closed. Imagine yourself in the future and describe out loud to a friend or therapist how you feel. Use these phrases to draw out your positive feelings: “I feel grateful for. . .” “I feel happy because. . .” “I am confident that. . .”

78.  Drive to the top of a mountain, to a river, or to the sea and create a little ritual of saying good-bye. Make it a half day’s journey or walk. Much of the healing takes place on the journey. Scatter flowers in all directions as an offering and expression of your love.

79.  Talk to a religious leader, priest, pastor, rabbi, or other spiritual guide to get spiritual support and guidance.

80.  Think of something your partner would have wanted to do or left incomplete and do it.

81.  Call up his friends and let them know all the details surrounding his death. If you are grieving a divorce, take time to share with your friends how you tried to make it work, but realized that you were not right for each other. Try saying good things about how hard your partner tried even if a part of you doesn’t yet believe it.

82.  Always seek to forgive. The easiest way to forgive is demonstrated by Christ while he was on the cross. He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” We can most easily forgive when we recognize that our partner really didn’t know what he was doing.

83.  Recognize that the pain you feel today will prepare you to be there for others in the future. By healing your pain you will develop an incredible compassion and love for others when they go through pain. You will learn valuable lessons that you can pass on to others.

84.  Reflect on what you need when you are in pain so that you will know how much you are needed when others are in pain. Just being with someone in pain without talking can be very comforting. In our darkest hours, we just need to feel a loving presence nearby.

85.  Resolve to be the best person you can. Often when we feel and release some of our pain, we are inspired. In that inspired moment, make a list of the qualities that you want to embody in your life.

86.  Keep a journal of the first thirty days of your healing journey. Record some of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences from each day.

87.  Write a poem or read a book of poems.

88.  Turn to God for solace. It is sometimes in our darkest moments when we best can humble ourselves before God. Take this time to reevaluate or update your spiritual beliefs.

89.  Don’t limit your grieving time each day. Everyone is different and every day will be different. Be flexible and take as long as you want.

90.  Ride the waves of feeling. Don’t expect to be down all the time or up all the time. It is not a betrayal of your partner to have moments of joy and relief. Our grief is not the declaration of our love, it is the process of letting go of our pain. With each release we may feel incredibly joyful and high.

91.  Find your own unique way of grieving. Some people are very dramatic and others are more restrained. If you are dramatic, make sure there are times when you are also giving thanks and feeling good. If you are more restrained, make sure that you don’t suppress the pain inside.

92.  Don’t expect others to know your needs. Often we are embarrassed to ask for support. Let friends and relatives know and keep asking.

93.  Visit the maternity ward at a hospital. After a loss, it is good to connect with the joyous and loving energy surrounding birth. In a way, you are being reborn to a new life as well.

94.  Remember that the dawn of a new day comes after the darkest moment of the night. Things may get darker, but the light of love and relief will come.

95.  Keep active for a part of each day, using your body in a way that makes you breathe deep. Breathing and movement are very important to stimulate the lymph system, which purifies the body during a healing crisis.

96.  Plant a tree or a special plant in your partner’s honor and nurture its growth.

97.  Buy a special piece of jewelry to wear to always remember the beauty of your love.

98.  Wear a black string around your wrist to acknowledge that you are in the grieving process.

99.  Each day write down in your journal three memories from your relationship.

100.  Make a list of all the things you will never do together that you wish you could have. In grieving this loss, you will eventually be able to appreciate fully the time you did share and then be ready to move on.

101.  When you are feeling pain, take time to process the four healing emotions by linking your pain with the past, reliving it, and enriching the experience. Practice the feeling better exercise to heal the pain.